loveWatching the news tonight I'm amazed at the level of conflict in a part of the world that supposes itself to be a holy land, steeped in a history of being called God's people. It is amazing to think that intelligent human beings believe that peace, a truce, or surrender will ever come about through retaliation. Conflict, as we can plainly witness, continues to lead to further conflict; tit for tat and then some.
Born in a violent environment, raised in a violent environment, belief in violence; this is the vicious cycle, generation to generation that is being played out and will continue to play out. Until someone finally understands the concept of the high road, who understands the power of love, compassion, forgiveness, and patience, this battle will continue - and at what cost?
Lately, I've found myself responding differently to conflict myself. People react and take affront to the most bizarre, trivial, and strange things. It's like they walk around waiting for someone to hurt them, to offend them, and to prove their world-view right. Riding my bicycle this morning, a couple crossing the street were startled when I whizzed past and turned right at the intersection. I got yelled at for not stopping at a stop sign. Now, I'm sorry, but how many of us actually come to a full stop in our residential neighborhood streets while driving our cars, let alone a bicycle, particularly when turning right. As tempted as I was, I maintained my civility and said thank-you to as I rode on.
This afternoon as I came into my apartment building, a mother and her son were hauling his lemonade stand supplies out for some brisk, sunny afternoon Sunday business. I commented politely, encouraged the boy with some banter and wished him good luck with sales. As I walked into the elevator, the mother suddenly turned around and told me to never talk to her children again. I hadn't heard her intially as I had entered the elevator, so I stepped half out saying 'beg your pardon' and she repeated herself and stated that I heard her. What's a guy to say? I wished her a good day. There's history here.
This past winter, that same woman's boyfriend made a social call; we'd met previously in the tech networking circles. We didn't really know each other beyond the odd hello. Living in the same building and remembering each other's face, it was natural to suggest grabbing a drink sometime. Over a year after the initial suggestion, he came calling. Turned out he wasn't working anymore, was collecting unemployment insurance, and exploring his options while enjoying the break. It's possible he may have more than that going on.
When he came over, he kept disappearing into the bathroom. I'm not a complete idiot and neither am I one to make assumptions without asking for clarity. I brought up the conversation of drug use and before long, he started snorting lines on my coffee table. I'd tried the stuff before and never really clicked with it on any level so I wasn't even slightly concerned about going along with the charade. He claimed it was just a one-time thing so I let it go - particularly since I don't really know him well enough to reach any firm conclusion. At the same time, I wasn't planning on going out of my way to reconnect.
It was a month or more later when I got another call. Again, it was just a chance to get out for a beer - I was going to a party anyway - so I let him tag along. We weren't there for more than 30 minutes when he called someone and within minutes disappeared into a sweet ride out in the parking lot. Fifteen minutes later he comes back, continues with his charade, naturally disappears into the washroom a couple of times, and within twenty minutes begs off because it wasn't his kind of crowd. Yeah, sure.
Many times during both visits this guy disrespected his girlfriend with degrading comments and insults. I was appalled and wondered if he was just trying to be cool. You don't know what motivates someone to do things that run contrary to what you would do. Now, with the math adding up to greater heights against his character, I was finding him difficult to believe about anything. The way I heard it, this woman was just a convenient piece of meat, her children a pain in the ass, women in general are trash, and on and on. This disturbed me and having concern for children's welfare generally speaking, I was somewhat concerned about the environment and risks for this woman's kids.
Well, situations like this can be somewhat perplexing. Do I keep out of it or do I say something? I opted to have a conversation with the building manager with whom I have good relations. He expressed concern about the same guy too - just something about it him didn't sit right. He ended up telling the woman about our conversation. I didn't mind, we had discussed it, and the welfare of her kids, as well as her. Well, it didn't go over so well. This is the state of the current relationship, and naturally the coke-head is pissed at me too. Why is the truth so hard for so many to face?
Oh well, I do wish them all the best. I regret that they cannot see what is happening right in front of them. I've watched my own destruction in my life. It's healthy to be observant and curious about what is failing and why. I've been observant most of the time, curious all of the time, and craving the new and improved Lee the whole time. I had an anchor to the true nature of my character, my values, and life journey that gave me access to something bigger than just the pain that I was stumbling through at any given time.
Strange world, strange people, that's about all I can think of to say about all of this shit. It is a strange world, blindly following the blind, repeating history - that's what the blind following the blind really means - and getting lost in a wilderness of violent negativity. There are so many strange people, lost in the crossfire of social beliefs, religious beliefs, political beliefs, and their own conflicted life experiences, leading them through the dark forest of fear. They're so comfortable with their fear, the insulated world of insecurities, that they cannot even face the truth and their own power found in that truth. Sad, isn't it?
R.I.P Del MartinO'boy. More to wet your whistle.
Survived Jury duty