The questions of life may call to you. You may wonder about your purpose. You may feel out of place, disconnected, just a bit out of sync. You may want to find clarity; to find the stillness in your mind. That elusive quality where time loses all meaning. You may not even know what it is that you seek but you sit there in your skin and you know that something is making you uncomfortable.

Well, I'm here to tell you that it's okay. It's not unusual or abnormal. The bigger questions of life and the role you want to play in that are great questions! Important questions! To not ask them and seek your own answers would resign you to an existence of numbness and one day, possibly regret. But it doesn't have to be that way. It's never too late and there is no deadline.

Waking up this morning, I felt as though I had been chewing on dried-up cow pies all night. My mouth seemed to be stuffed with bits and pieces of grit and dried up bits of dead plant life. I couldn’t tell what it was or where any of it came from. All I could tell is that it tasted like shit.

I spat, or tried to anyway, it was more of an attempt at spitting out dried crud and only succeeding in blowing a load of air and dried up spittle bits. I had to find something to wash this taste and crap out of my mouth. I slowly staggered to my feet and blearily looked around to gain my bearings. I was astonished to discover that I was in some kind of a room that looked pretty run-down. I wondered how I got here.

Seeing the doorway, I slowly made my way deliberately to the door by steadying myself with the wall. I could feel my fingers and hand sliding along a slippery substance that seemed to adhere to every inch of that wall. I tried not to let what that slippery substance might be to distract me. Rather, I found that the need to concentrate on my walking and balance was far more important.

After what seemed minutes rather than seconds, my hand closed upon the doorknob and I turned. Damn! The door wouldn’t give. I jiggled the handle, looked for a locking mechanism and stood up scratching my ass. Where the hell am I, how did I get here and how the hell do I get out?

I slowly turned to survey the room once again. My second look revealed a few more sordid details. The mattress I had been lying on lay in the middle of the floor. There was newspaper strewn all over the room and the ones on the bed looked like they’d been used for blankets by an army of vagrants. Am I to suppose I’m a vagrant now?

Oh shit! Slowly, the truth began to dawn on me. I slowly ambled to the furthest corner of the room. That’s where I climbed in the hole in the floor to make my way in here for the night. Was it last night? How long have I been here? My bones felt weak. I don’t think I have any muscles left. I’ve wasted away to pretty much nothing.

I crawled through the hole and came out in back of an old abandoned rail-yard shack. The track had been abandoned way back in the 50’s and the shack, a throwback to the days of the switching guard, stood quietly amongst the tree’s along this deserted spur. Blinking rapidly, trying to get accustomed to the bright sun, I surveyed the landscape.

Further up the spur, you could see that the tracks just ended into a dead-end of trees. Looking back down the other direction, the city awaits. I turn back towards the city, stopping by the side of the shack, pick up my belongings and begin the trek. It only takes about 30 minutes to actually reach the city outskirts but it’ll be another two hours before I can make it to the kitchen. I’m hungry.

I can always tell when I’m hungry. It’s the only time I feel any real pain anymore. Even then, it’s still a dull ache that doesn’t mean much to me anymore. I just know I have to eat. I’ve given it some thought the past three months and I have figured out that I probably only manage to eat on average, five meals a week. Not much for a man who used to be physically fit, father of two, and when at my peak, 184lbs. I was pretty well sculpted for an average guy.

Well, that’s far behind me now. Now I’m enjoying the good life, the life of Reilly. It’s not so bad really. I sleep when I want to sleep. I don’t have to worry about pleasing a boss, a wife, children, bill collectors, landlords, or anyone else for that matter. It used to be so hard. I mean, I started out okay but then things weren’t going so good at work anymore, then my wife and I separate, then the bills started piling up, I tried the food bank, I worked three jobs, I collapsed, was hospitalized and so on.

Now this wouldn’t have been so bad if it had stopped there and I’d had a chance to recover. You know what I mean. When bad stuff happens, a bunch of stuff always seems to come at once. My ex-wife and I used to say they happened in three’s and then good things would come again. Somehow, that didn’t happen though. The bad stuff just kept coming. I never got a breather. I was never allowed enough breathing room to get my feet back underneath me.

Every time something happened and it seemed that I could see the light at the end of the tunnel, something else would take my feet out from underneath me. I’d stay strong for a while, not panic, and try to let things work out. Quickly, more things began to overcome my optimism. Before long, the weight of all the problems drove me to run. I couldn’t handle it anymore. Turn to God I was told. Have faith people said. It’ll turn around soon.

In reality, I kept feeling like I was minutes away from a painful death. My head always felt like it was going to blow. The viciousness of the personal blows I received had begun to affect my mind, my spirit and my emotions. People found me difficult to be with. Anger arose in me that had never found purchase before. I became frustrated with life and with people. People, why can’t people give each other breathing room? 

Actually, I shouldn’t say it like that. In fact, I got a lot of breathing room. But that is where the problem lay. I was alone to face all of those burdens myself. It was too much for a single man to bear. Death, illness, financial ruin, career in tatters, confidence shot, family torn apart, all had a part in my demise. This carried on for a period of years. Each time I came close to pulling myself up and over the edge of the abyss, it would seem as though some cruel joker was standing on the lip ready to stomp on my fingers. If my fingers wouldn’t budge, he’d stomp on my hands. Slowly I’d slip back down into this abyss. I spent quite some time there and it became comfortable. Each time I fell backwards, away from the goals I had set based upon a previous life of enjoyment and success, I found myself accepting my new surroundings more easily. I can see now that I should have ran scared in the opposite direction and strived even harder. I didn’t know it would swallow me up eventually. I just got tired, that’s all. I didn’t have any fight left anymore.

It descends softly

Enveloping me slowly

With a million tiny gems

Sparkling in the mines

Of my minds eye

Creating a warmth

Of peace and serenity

Lying there still

Waiting, in the darkness

For the escape

That awaits me

I drift slowly

With the ebbing tide

Of time and distance

No longer a reality

Thoughts become dreams

Dreams become reality

Running from the demons

To find a sanctuary

Of magnificence and grandeur

That will protect and warm

The battered heart and soul

That battles the real world

And spirits of the night

There is so much emphasis on emotional intelligence these days that it appears that people are suppressing their emotions and problems in an effort to "fit in," to keep their jobs, and using "positive self-talk" to muscle through the rough spots in their lives.

Recently, I had a friend over who has suffered enormous job stress during a time when his wife's father was dying of cancer. Of course, quitting his job didn't seem like an option during this difficult period, particularly since his wife returned to her parental home for many months to say good-bye to her dying father. That left him at home to take care of their children, pay the bills, and so on. Who can forge positively into a new job-search with all that going on?

After his father-in-law passed away his wife returned home and he lost his job - as did many of his colleagues - and his wife decided she no longer wanted to remain married. What else could go wrong? OH! Of course! His father could be diagnosed with cancer: He was.

Now he is living a complete hell, with all of this turmoil, and two sweet children looking to him for stability. Is it any wonder that people are cracking under the strain?

He is all alone and he tries to be "emotionally together" but that only causes more harm than good. We (society), in our need for order and stability, don't want people with all these problems in our lives. We don't want them working in our office. They're broken!

Well, the truth is, our (society) expectations around emotional intelligence, and together, full-functioning adults, is what is breaking them.

I spent three hours with him the other night, acknowledging his horrific circumstances, his emotional turmoil, and gave him permission to embrace it all. He's not broken, he's experiencing emotional pain and it needs to be expressed, embraced, and worked through (processed.) It's not enough that he embrace it either. Community is required to surround, love, heal, and regenerate.

So, when we see hurting people, don't look at them as broken people who haven't got their act together. Look at them as someone who needs a bit of kindness, generosity, and loving support. Watch the power those simple things can have in their life.

Caveat: This does not condone people remaining disempowered victims for the rest of their lives. Our role is to embrace and still to empower, leaving the "wounded one" to take responsibility for their recovery. Embrace, love, and challenge.

The message

silently whispers

stirring

shifting the sands

of our desert plains

forever restless

until we listen.

Then our magic

is unleashed

first with a trickle

a steady small stream

continually growing

until finally

we become

a powerful energy

to be reckoned with

like that of Niagara Falls.

Our Power

now unleashed

pushing us forth

contributing

to ourselves

and for all to see

The Magic

each of us creates

changing us all

Forever!

Is insanity only the realization that we really are insignificant mindless cogs caught in a never-ending cycle of pain that is life on this planet?

Well, I hope that through the conversation of me telling you about my journey that you'll see something in your journey that can serve as a guidepost. You can never hope for much more than that when you're in that "seeking" phase. That seeking phase is also a very confusing place, one that leaves you wondering "just what is it" that you're searching for? Often times, it seems as though every single area of your own life is a total and complete shambles, meaningless, worthless. This is part of the discovery process though - or so I believe from my experience.

It's in facing these realities that our focus begins to shift towards what is meaningful. Not having really given it a lot of thought and not having been taught, it is a tough climb to find that meaning. For each individual, that meaning is significantly different. There are many clues within you, but putting all the pieces together, like any good jigsaw puzzle, will take quite some time. You can imagine what I mean with that metaphor. I'm not particularly fond of puzzles because I like activities that have a more immediate feedback response.

This journey has not allowed me to escape from the reality of life being that puzzle and I'm the masterpiece. An ordinary puzzle takes a considerable period of time, so imagine the masterpiece that each human-being represents and you begin to see that solving that puzzle will take you some time. Don't be frustrated by this though. I think we easily frustrate because we feel so much pressure from the world around us. It's conditioned us to perform and produce immediate results.

The truth of life however, is that anything worthwhile takes time. Look at Mother Nature: time is her ally; she will outlast us all; all that is man-made will be swallowed by her awesome power in time. Why can't our lives unfold much in that same way? Becoming aware of your journey, your values, coincidences, participate actively in the process of your life; pursue something, anything. All things contribute to your goal, a goal you are not even completely aware of yet. Action leads to opportunity and opportunity leads to growth and learning. People, situations, signals, repetitive themes and occurrences: if you're awareness increases, you should begin to see patterns that reveal something about what you're in pursuit of.

The final thing I have learned though is about fear. Fear holds us back and, as in the "Fog of War", when we are in a fog we usually don't see what is plainly right in front of us that we are to pursue. It's no ones fault but our own. I admit that I have been caught in its nasty jaws many times and have spent considerable time pondering my pitiful life. Finally, when I decided to take control back of my life, I faced my fear; the fear of the unknown and even without "knowing for sure" I began to walk the path that I believed to be there for me.

Now, I haven't told any specifics about the situations and it's rather a high-level explanation but I hope one that resonates. I think that is also the benefit of reading Po Bronson's book, “What Should I Do with My Life?” I learned from the combined examples in the book that our journeys are unique, that there are no definitive answers until you look back, and sometimes you won't reach the goals and in many cases, you'll discover you've been chasing the wrong goals as you find yourself achieving what you really are here to do. The truth is, you know it better than anyone but until you put the puzzle pieces together, it won't be clear.

Could I give you a sexual experience? Sex and sexuality is so loaded. Why are so many unable to seek connection through intimacy without the baggage of relationship? There’s nothing wrong with relationship but we are also very much in need of the physical creativity that we express through our sexuality. This isn’t always available in the context of a relationship. Why else do so many people obliterate or numb their senses with alcohol and marijuana in order to take part in these activities; to give themselves permission?

Single again at 40 I ache for the warmth of a female companion. I want to share the simple pleasures of making love; the unselfish act of giving sexual pleasure and receiving the same. I want to experience the warm nurturing that comes from such an experience.  Part of our wholeness as human beings is connected to our sexuality and its expression. With the act of sex and release we experience health benefits, chemically, physically, emotionally, and spiritually. It’s not just about being comfortable with our sexuality. Our soul sings with the joy and rush of an intimate encounter unburdened from guilt and expectations.

My ideas are varied, my theories are flawed, and my needs are raw. All of which combine to make for a confusing fantasy/reality. After years of living in a sheltered area of suburbia I see much more flagrant sexuality walking the streets, chatting up in coffee shops and along sidewalks of the West End where I now live. I’m astounded at how raw and over the edge they appear, and yet, I’m also astonished that most people involved appear to be very much in-touch with who they are as individuals and in relationship to their community.

Elsewhere, I see fear, a subtle nervousness. Attractive women focus their eyes on some distant point or drop their gaze to the sidewalk to avoid eye-contact, missing my smile and nod of greeting and appreciation. Are they afraid? Is it intimidating to acknowledge their beauty, sexuality and womanhood? Do they feel they might be giving up part of their personal power? I hope not. I prefer women who own their sexuality and womanhood, realizing an even greater personal power previously left untapped. As a man I can’t really speak for women but I have noticed an admirable difference with women I’ve known who own every aspect of being a woman, with their charms, sexuality, and ability to tame wild beasts.

I would like to see each of us experiencing our personal power and strength; able to express ourselves fully in every aspect of our humanness. Take responsibility for your own self, your own emotional health, and your own spiritual health. And so what if you have sexual desires? Take care of your sexual health too! Yes, give me sex, nurturing, warmth, and all the intimate fuzziness without the alcohol and drugs. Could I give you a sexual experience? I’d accept that; if you’ve got what it takes to jazz my wiring, give me a sexual experience! Find your independence, self-worth, and personal power. Eliminate the need for validation, expectation, and control that seems prevalent in so many relationships today. Above all; Be Responsible, Enjoy and Embrace Life!

by Lee Down, December 22, 2003

It's just a general malaise, dissatisfaction, with the status quo. Unfulfilled, not connected, not doing something that really lights that spark. I'm sure you know what
I mean.

I had a myriad of ideas when my employer laid me off. I've failed at one business already a couple of summers ago. Then I retreated; I retreated from work, from life, into my home, away from responsibility, away from my ideas and placed more importance on me. I felt selfish, irresponsible, guilty, lazy, et al. Again, anyone out of work, you know what I mean!

My computer died, along with it, so did much material for many of my ideas. Whoa! What's this I noticed, I feel lighter, more able to focus. It may be short-lived but I'll take it while I can. Rebuilt the computer, discovered I can finally play games. I did that. I forgot about a lot of what has been (key word here) DRIVING me. I learned to
relax again. I learned a bit more about my self. Still not where I think I should be, but certainly more aware again.

Read a lot of books!!! Now this leads to where I'm going with this post. In light of all this striving, driving, achieving, dissatisfaction with life, work, meaning, etc. I really wonder the reason why. There was a time when the work wasn't so important, that
we could enjoy just going to work and the rewards of work: Time off, money to enjoy it, family, friends, hobbies, volunteers, special interests etc.

Now, what's been happening to our world of work? Are we working harder, striving to do more with less? Are we feeling this malaise because we're not taking our time for our own creative pursuits, for our own Rest & Relaxation? Are we searching for some meaning? Is this lack of meaning because we're not feeding our spirit? Isn't our spirit a creative being? How do we feed that with this go, go, go, attitude in society today? How can we take time to relax and enjoy being ourselves when society is continually pushing us to do more, more, more; what?

I've been doing some interesting reading lately and some interesting re-reading. One that really raised a number of these questions is Aldous Huxley, Island, and then the Brave New World Revisited.

Now I'm working on the Vein of Gold, the sequel to the Artists Way. I'm no artist in the literal sense of our culture, drawing, painting and such, but I do think we're all artists of a sort. Now working with this book, getting back to some basics, which is what this book reinforces, I find myself slowing down and getting back in touch with myself. In light of the other reading, the cause and effect of our culture on my own particular situation, the similarities with others I've seen asking the BIG questions, I can't help but wonder if this questing, searching that we're all on, has more to do with our spiritual evolution than it does with our career?

 I feel there is something here for us all to discover that may just alleviate our sense of despair. As a recent contact in my network said to me recently, "Our whole life is our career, not just what we've come to label our paid work." What he means is a more holistic approach to career. Your career is your life; it is your kids, your hobbies, your reading, your sports, your volunteering, your work, your relationships, and so on.

If our lives are so one dimensional, it's no wonder we're all eager to look elsewhere and it's no wonder we're so at a loss as to where to look.

I lay here wanting sleep, yet morbidly fascinated with the mood of my body and the thoughts of my mind reflecting on the state of my being and the state of my community. I see the paradox of existence, with a burning desire to follow a higher call into the battle for spirit; an awesome challenge during a time of such materialism. Our separation from spirit is so complete that our goals are all for personal gain. Our desire for fulfillment seeks to gratify itself by devouring others. He with the most toys wins; a statement that focuses on the survival of the fittest and winning at all costs.

My Being feels the pain of separation. As spirit, we’re here to create and to serve creation. We are happiest when we experience the fruits of such transactions in time. We are meant to soar, to experience the divine through the powerful relationship of love for our fellow man; community. We are not intended for a hedonistic experience. We are here for something far different; we are gifts of Creation for Creation.

Growing up with friends, family, school – the system – we copycat the instructions for a life that we are given. It is a dog-eat-dog world we’re told, look out for number one! But this only happens because we permit it and perpetuate it by accepting it as unchangeable. Did we forget? We came together to fight tyranny and oppression wielded by one single power wishing to dominate the world. Today, the closest single person with this face is George Bush at the helm of the world’s most powerful country. But the real enemy is faceless, hidden behind the seat of power and wealth that controls the world economies and politics. The real enemy is greed for money and power.

The energy amassing in society today is at a significant crossroads. We will either transcend the fear, reaching a new spiritual order in the world, offering peace and unity as a powerful force for positive change, or, we will succumb to our base fears and desires, witnessing greater numbers of trespasses against other persons, groups, and countries. As well, with the paranoia, we will revert to behaviors of lust, substances, and other hedonistic addictions to block out the pain of our separation from spirit.

Spirit is Love. Love for God. Love for Creation. Love for Self. Love for Others. Love and Spirit are inseparable, clumsy in this material world; clumsy in thought, word, and action, but powerful beyond measure. Love is authentic and truthful; it is not an emotion alone. It is far more: It is a connection to the everlasting source of life. It creates an energetic force that courses through our spiritual being causing a sensation of bursting us wide-open. This divine force, so unknown and untapped in our lifetime overwhelms us with love, blinding us to the intention of the gift. Rather than openly sharing, we wish to hoard the gift and sensation, sharing with no one. The gift of love is to be given, not taken, nor to be solely shared with one single individual. It is a life-giving energy that transcends all situations, elevating the life experience of our spiritual selves.

How do we as simple human-beings, so untrained and under-developed in the spiritual realms, learn to let this powerful force flow? It catches in my being, in my breath, in my heart. I wish to hang onto it, to someone else’s, hoping for it to never change. Other times, it brings such pain. The opening chasm aches for all the pain and hurt being experienced in the world all around me. And yet, I know, and have experienced, the truth of its undying source; it’s ever-flowing ability. If only I could sustain that peak. The paradox of being human and spirit; of wanting more and wanting less; of wanting it all and of wanting nothing; of needing companionship and needing to be alone; of wanting love and yet, to still taste hate.

We have become vicious with one another. There is something wrong. We would rather hold others back or knock them down instead of celebrating their fullest potential, pushing them to success. If only we could see how important each and every one of us is in the grand scheme of things. We could then find happiness in our part and we could fit comfortably into community instead of feeling like a lesser person than the next man.

Where has the balance gone in our existence? We’re all supposed to be children of God, of Creation. If we were not, then nothing on this planet would exist either. God can be whatever you want it to be. I cannot define God. I can call God the Creator, Life Force, Mother Earth (all small views of God), the Universe (may still be too small – what do we know), Energy, Spirit. This entity, unknown to us, defies all human understanding and experience; it just IS.

But children, we have to grow up. We have to stop fighting. We should play nice. What greater miracles can we achieve if only we could do these few simple things?

Part of the article I snipped - is this unbelievable or what?

"As part of sweeping "economic restructuring" implemented by the Bush Administration in Iraq, Iraqi farmers will no longer be permitted to save their seeds, which include seeds the Iraqis themselves have developed over hundreds of years. Instead, they will be forced to buy seeds from US corporations.

Read more about it here: http://globalresearch.ca/articles/KHA501A.html

Sad. I woke up today feeling sad. I woke up today wondering what is wrong with me. I woke up today wondering why people are so isolated. I wondered why it is more natural for people to criticize than compliment. I wondered why about a lot of things.

I couldn't wait to get out of school... that battle ground of who's hot and who's not. Who fits and who's a misfit. The criticism and despair that's always in the air. And I was lucky to escape that and entered a different world. A world with adults - the rules are all different I thought. I can put aside all that high school crap.

It was good for many years. But lately... these past few years, I feel like it's high school all over again. What the hell is going on? Does it suck to be me? Does it suck to be you? Am I just a cry-baby?

I've been writing for the past hour now. I emailed the story to a new friend that I creatively collaborate with and the process was invigorating. Unfortunately, invigorating to the point that the tension in my body awaits release. And where does that come from for so many people?

I'm amazed at how messed up we can become by having our lives limited by all of the external pressures and expectations of "acceptable behaviour" that the world puts upon us. These physical bodies we inhabit, and I do mean we inhabit, have so much creativity and pleasure accessible and we deny ourselves so much. I don't understand what that's all about - where is freedom? Where is our own personal power?

Tell me; in your faith, belief system, or attitudes, what is your take on freedom and personal power? What is acceptable and unacceptable to you?

Sometimes I don't know what "Right" is anymore. For the most part of my life, what my body would say to me was the "right" thing for me. It fit with my upbringing, my beliefs, my social circle (what there was of one) and my significant other.

Now, after divorce, trying to navigate the single life, winding up in churches for 4 years, getting very disappointed with my inability to be a super-saint like they wanted us to do (Home groups and such), I finally tucked my tail between my legs and wandered off in search of what is true.

Now I like certain things and yet, people can make it seem so wrong. Is it perception? Is it beliefs? Is it values? Now I have more questions than answers and each person I talk to along the journey has as many answers as I have questions. Oddly, two answers are rarely much the same.

I remember Jesus quoted in the bible suggesting that it would be prudent to take the log out of our own eye before trying to take a splinter out of someone elses. So why don't we do that? It basically means "shut up." Hmmm. There's a challenge for me too. But what I can't shut up about is simply the fact that we should get along peacably.

I don't ever mean to offend people, yet I manage to on a semi-consistently basis. I like people... for the most part. In fact, I love all people; I know that because my heart aches so much. And yes, I can love people and still hate who they are. There is a distinction. Sometimes, it's just chemistry.

So I don't know what to say about this anymore. It was brought on by another side of my character. The duplicity of being a human-being trying to be a spiritual being in a highly creative and sexual body. There is just so much judgement out there. It hurts.

Hi Everyone, Exciting news: I was published online by Parabola Magazine. Here's the link.

http://www.parabola.org/magazine/forum/3001awakening.php4

It's down near the bottom. Wooohooo.

The day the Earth was squeezed and the pole shifted *** Sorry Link won't work - it came from a Google Alert and it worked from the Google message that I received. Copy the text from the Subject line and google it... you should have no problem finding the article. ***

A Very cool article about the changing planet. What is yet to come? Do you realize how many subsequent earthquakes have been felt in that region of the globe since the tsunami - Every Day... multiple quakes of 4-5 magnitude each and every day. Wow!

As children, hearing the fable of the pot-o-gold at the end of the rainbow, we were relentless in pursuing the rainbow. We were always sure that sooner or later we would find that pot-o-gold. We dream often, asleep and awake, about possibilities, hopes, passions, life, work, and family. Creating a life that involves dreams is, plain and simple, hard work. Whenever we chase a dream, getting an education, moving to a new city, a new country, taking a new job, stepping out as an entrepreneur, we are often times expecting to find our pot-o-gold. Unfortunately, life has a funny way of disappointing our dreams and disrupting our plans.

When things don't go our way we begin to feel vulnerable. At times, we might revert to one of our childhood tendencies to feel that the world owes us a better result. I'm often disappointed that this is not the way the world works.  Many dream-chasers have demonstrated the most charming and wonderfully optimistic personalities. Over time, with unmet expectations causing so much disappointment, I've seen them (myself included) succumb to despair, negativity, and a belief that something is wrong with whom they are as a human being.

Disappointment is a common companion to the journey in search of the pot-o-gold. Getting discouraged and disappointed is normal. Feeling sad and angry is common. These unwelcome emotions are normal for anyone experiencing minor transitions in life, let alone major transitions. The emotional journey to establish a new life, a new dream, can really take its toll. If you let it control you and you begin to feel that you are the problem, you will surely undermine any chance you have for success.

So, simply put, I want you to know, don't OWN any of the negativity that will come up. It will come up. You will experience many negative emotions. It does not mean that you are the problem. It means that you are struggling with disappointment. It means that you are human. Remind yourself often of the goodness that is in you, the capabilities that you have, and that you are an intelligent, able individual. Often times, our patience wears out before the goals are achieved.

Nothing in life is easy and many people find themselves picking up the pieces of their life and starting over. Whenever you feel sorry for yourself, don't blame, just accept. It only is what it is. You are human and like others on this planet, you're feeling sad and hurt. The world isn't out to get you. It only feels that way.

As children, often times when we chased the rainbow in search of the pot-o-gold, it wasn't the pot-o-gold that we found. Some days we walked home disappointed but most of the time we had many wonderful adventures and made other discoveries, while meeting great people along the way. So keep your eyes open and your heart light; it improves your vision.

I've got a piece in the works about Spirituality at Work. There is typically a lot of resistance to the concept as it is perceived as a negative in the business community. As I continue to work on this piece of writing, I felt compelled to inquire about your opinions about spirituality and how it fits within the work environment - or our lives on a whole.

To keep the concept fluid (flowing) try to keep specific religions out of the conversation and instead, focus on the qualities and characteristics of people - how they would be different. How work would be different. How consumers would respond. That sort of stuff. I want your reactions.

PS - Send more visitors! Thanks. :)

Getting out of our busy mode and into our heart occasionally, I'm certain that many of us would find at least one moment during our day where we could pause, reflect on a situation, and see something that we can do to make a difference in someone else's life. 

The pace of life and work has increased a lot and I daresay we don't give as much thought as we could to the circumstances of other people's lives. Sometimes, we're so caught up in our own struggle that we don't think we can even afford the time to "give" our time, suggestions, talents, to others. And yet, if we do, we are rewarded.  

We are often times, throughout our lives, able to experience richness, synchronicity, and reward through small acts of generosity. This isn't even about money, although sometimes the rewards will impact our financial status as well. And yet, we fail too often when we are so self-absorbed or consumed by our own situation thinking we'd give up too much by helping.  

So, this is just a gentle reminder for all of us to pay attention to at least one "little thing" that will make a difference for someone else. Try to make it for someone you don't know well or don't know at all; family and friends are too easy and natural. 

Best wishes, Lee 

One Man Can

Periodically, as I work with others in my coaching circuit, I receive emails later that surprise me. This is one I recieved recently that I'd like to share with you. 

"I am moving to that place that I tried to avoid. I don't think I thanked you for using your gifts and your words to create a safe place for me. A place safe enough to realize that where I am going is a great place and that running from it will be a huge waste of energy. I haven't embraced all aspects of the journey I am on, but you helped me realize that I don't have to... those aspects have embraced me! Lee, you are truly gifted; you touch people [in a meaningful way.]" ~ Paul Z. - Calgary 

As a professional coach, it isn't to receive these compliments that I do what I do. When I receive them, I am humbled and grateful for the opportunity to exchange my gifts in such a way that my clients are benefited. It truly is a humbling experience to participate with people in such an intimate way, with so much love in my heart, and so much passion and insight to the beauty that I see waiting to burst forth in their own lives. To watch this unfold and to see the aliveness return in the voice or eyes of a client is the greatest reward. 

These thanks are beautiful and worth sharing with the rest of the world. 

I encourage you to give coaching a try if there is an area in your life that you feel stuck. 

Best wishes, Lee

My Professional Blog

One Man Can Human Capital Development

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His belief that we are all incredible spirits, here to manifest some form of greatness in our lives, was the most inspiring quality that he brought forth in his daily walk through life. His understanding of human nature, our propensity for fear, enabled him to offer compassion and forgiveness, both to himself and for others, further empowering everyone to embrace the journey, the setbacks and failures, and further enabling the forward motion the desire for a well-lived life created. No well-lived life is without mistakes, setbacks, and pain. It is through these experiences that he discovered the richness that lives within us all and has the power and potential to create community, abundance, and great joy.

His legacy has helped to define a shift in human-consciousness that has created space in western thought to realize our spirituality in a cosmic web of cause and effect. This understanding further instructs us to the power of choice in our lives and the power of intent in mind, body, and spirit that creates our future. What we believe we are, we choose to be. What we wish to see changed in life, we BE that change.

Lee will be missed and he will be remembered as he lives on in each of our lives, while we too create the legacy in our lives that he began for his own life; a life representative of the human spirit and human experience.

How do we as simple human-beings, so untrained and under-developed in the spiritual realms, learn to let this powerful force flow? It catches in my being, in my breath, in my heart. I wish to hang onto it, to someone else’s, hoping for it to never change. Other times, it brings such pain. The opening chasm aches for all the pain and hurt being experienced in the world all around me. And yet, I know, and have experienced, the truth of its undying source; it’s ever-flowing ability. If only I could sustain that peak. The paradox of being human and spirit; of wanting more and wanting less; of wanting it all and of wanting nothing; of needing companionship and needing to be alone; of wanting love and yet, to still taste hate.

I Wrote this Aug 27, 1996

Children laugh and squeal with delight
Running and playing with total abandon
Their sweet innocence warms our hearts
Elated by the attention of a child
We too return to our youth

AcousticAngel, as a Songwriter, what is possible with this? Take it away. I wrote this back in Dec '97.

I moved away one day
Following a dream of sanity
It took me miles to days away
Days build weeks to months
Missing what was and is nor more
Where have all my friends gone?
Keep in touch we say every day
To friends we make and people we meet
Lip service is cheap for a very long time
Until the rubble pile can grow no more
Lip service is cheap for a very long time
The weight of my cheated world crushes my armor
Now I know as I’ve discovered
My friends are possessors of gold
A wealth of richness in my life
For which a wish to repay
I write a letter to three
In hopes of words of your good health
And days build weeks to months
And all the time wait for a letter
Vanna white should be walking this way
Winning to me is the prize of word
A word not spoken but written down
Forever a memory not forgotten
Instead of any of this
Lip service is cheap for a very long time
Until the rubble pile can grow no more
Lip service is cheap for a very long time
The weight of my cheated world crushes my armor
I’ll write you and right you now
To bring the life news to your mind
And in your heart I’ll be again
What’s shared never to be lost
And pasts maintained and futures created
Be well my friends have a happy long life
I’ll be there in many different ways
To be counted and counted on
As maybe a savior on a bad day
Be well my friend no more Lip service

My experience of spirituality goes beyond what the church suggests. You might want to check out the author Caroline Myss, Invisible Acts of Power as a good read. Years ago, around 1995, I really opened up spiritually with the reading of The Celestine Prophecies. After that, I began exploring other spiritual and new age stuff like the Medicine Wheel and Spirit Animals/Guides until one day after a huge personal crisis I really began to worry about choosing the "right" religion. I had picked up the bible for the first time in 1997 and began reading the new testament.

I loved Jesus as a teacher. I don't think He and I are all that different on the heart level and in many respects, the belief level. His advantage being that His level of "connection" is far deeper than my own. With all the crap the world throws at us and the lack of real teaching of our spiritual nature in our society today, we're at a HUGE disadvantage. But I do believe that will all change and you may be struggling with a lot of the same issues I have been dealing with for years. This past year or so has been a huge shift for me personally and I've really begun to tap into the source (for lack of a better term).

About four years ago I wandered away from the christian church to regain my balance and perspective. I had become so disillusioned with the church and their double-standards, one-upmanship, and lack of compassion and forgiveness. As I continue on my own road now, I truly believe that I have really begun to see a dynamic that still fits with what Jesus taught but goes beyond how the church portrays His teachings. Again, we have to take into context the time he lived and the fact that the bible and christian religion really took shape a couple of hundred years after he died. And again, the religion became a means of controlling a population in collaboration with politicians.

There are a number of things in the bible that contradict the stance that many religious leaders try to hold us hostage with... for example: Jesus talked to the Samarian woman at the well when she came to fetch water. He knew she wasn't married but was living with a man. He didn't condemn her, didn't tell her that it was wrong, didn't tell her to sin no more, instead, he told her to spread the news. The news she was to spread had to do with the son of god and their ability to worship God wherever they were; they didn't have to be in a place of worship to worship God. If you're a parent, you know more about God's relationship to us is as similar to the relationship you have with your children. Full of love, forgiveness, opportunity, chances, and so on.

In truth, you are spirit already. Our soul is not the spirit, it is another dimension that embodies the "feelings" of our memories, body, mind, and emotions. The spirit is that part of us that is much stronger, full of goodness, love, and inspiration for our own future and what we came here to manifest. Our goal is to get in touch with that and manifest what we came here to create. If you are a parent, you may have already fulfilled some of those goals through having children. You are not your body and emotions; they are tools through which you can experience and facilitate your time here on this physical plane. Does it make sense to you when I say we are multi-dimensional beings? Body, Mind, Soul, and Spirit.

Body - the body is the feeling machine and action machine. Emotions are felt and expressed through the body. It also has a memory of emotion. It functions in cooperation with the power of the mind or spirit - whichever we give more control.

The Mind - is a tool by which we can learn, interpret, analyze, and retain data. It also connects us to spirit as we exercise that muscle. If we don't, the soul memory takes place, combining the mind's memories and the body's memories (emotions) to dictate our life experience.

Soul - as above... mind, body, experiences combined and this retains the melancholy of life and other physical world memories. It has a function and purpose as well and I daresay, it likely is the storage of information that the spirit world can access after leaving the physical world.

Spirit - this is the universal part of ourselves that chose to be born, where to be born, to whom to be born, and with a mission to live out. We forget it and are programmed throughout life by the systems of this world and are challenged to break out of the molds put around us to fully explore who we are spiritually.

I have studied myself and others for a long time around this subject and the deciding force is the fact that so many people suffering depression, anxiety, etc. are people who are stressed beyond belief trying to live lives that are not their own. They need to access those Spirit values that are unique to them and to live them out fully in order to be optimally healthy. It is even shown that when this doesn't happen that the emotional pain will in turn become physical pain.

As you can see, these are theories concepts that I have developed as I've gone through my struggles. This seems to be a part of my life path anyway and I've always been an investigator of Truth. Are they absolute? No, I wouldn't say so but I would say that I am on the right track and that there is a great deal of opportunity to be explored for individuals should they choose to consider the possibilities. Learning about the spirit within, we begin to gain access to an inner knowing self that can help us to navigate through this troubled life with a little more faith and detachment to outcomes.

I'm still learning and working on these theories and I do expect to write about it at some point. I hope that you find it helpful. "Learned patterns of behavior" are also very difficult to overcome.

Please do let me know what you think of these outrageous thoughts. I hope you have an open mind to what I've suggested.

Your life is to be a life of joy! It's in your power to create that.

Being with you. Love & Light... Lee xo

Lee Down
One Man Can (make a difference)
http://www.onemancan.ca

Talked about suicide overnight at  SeekingClarity's Blog. I was 19, my sister was 20 (10 months older) and no warning, nothing; just gone. Hung herself, it was three days before she was found hanging from a branch on the edge of a river. Of course, it was natural for others to express their condolences and feel bad, but that was also 20 years ago and I have had a lot of time to ask the big questions about why. I have had even more time to expand my knowledge of life, learning, spirituality. As well, my correspondent insisted on being nice to others from now on and I think that is a good endeavour. But is it enough? Is it real? So here is my response for us all to consider:

It's not so hard really. My understanding of life, death and spirit are such that I'm happy for her now. She is at peace and she is still with me. It's interesting really, the people who really suffer are the ones who are here on Earth. After death, it is peace, it is bliss. I know that sounds shitty to say (I trust that you intelligent and depressed people won't take this as a way out, I have a special note for you below) - but the truth is, life is full of pain.

That brings me to "being nice" - I applaud your intention. But I still worry. Is being nice really what is needed? I like to think of being authentic - being real. You can be nice but it can still be so superficial - the truth is, we all have to learn to deal with the complexities of life, relationships, love, and so on. It's not easy.

But I agree, it is important to be respectful, open, honest, and authentic. You can love people and still hate what they do. This is complex stuff and I invite you to check this out

http://www.onemancan.ca/awakening.html

I wrote this because of how we tend to treat one another - on a global basis - in corporate boardrooms - in politics, and on our streets and in our neighborhoods.

There is so much more possible for this world and for people. Remember this: if you or anyone you know is down, depressed, confused, feeling chaotic, bigger things are going on than just what is in your head. We are energetic, spiritual beings, and we need to learn to use all of our faculties: intuition, the body as a radar dish, the emotions expressed through the body, the mind as tool, the heart connection to spirit. Higher intelligence, creativity, emotionality, combine to generate enormous feelings of being "out of control" or "at your wits end" and "in pain." That's letting your mind interpret what is going on. Get in touch with your spirit, that is the calm spot in the centre of the storm.

Anyway, enough of my ranting. Thank-you for your condolences. I really appreciate that and I really hope that you manage well. Great things are in store for this world when Love takes over.

For two years now I've been busting my hump trying to launch my own business. It started out one way and evolved into a professional career and life coaching business. Some of you have already visited my business website at One Man Can - thank-you for your visits. :)

But shit!! I'm in pain! I've given so much of myself to others over the years and people are always very glad to receive my advice or to have me listen to them, ask questions, and show them the beauty that I see in them. I do it, I do it well, I do it naturally, I do it with love, and I do it without even thinking. This is a gift but sometimes it feels like a curse. Mainly because these are desperate times financially.

Getting started was a bitch too. I married a beautiful woman in Oct 2001 only to have her turn turtle in the marriage within 3 months. She came from another country, was sure she could handle it, knew what she was doing... but it slowly and steadily went downhill. No matter how supportive or encouraging I was, she withdrew from me, withdrew from society, withdrew from the world. Finally, with my stress through the roof, my boss kicked my ass out the door to use up vacation time, sick time, then on disability for a few months; told me to get counselling. I did.

So then I'm in a therapists office. Oh yeah! Aren't they full of great advice!? I get my wife in for a session and my wife gets challenged, "Shit or get off the pot!" the therepast (is this typo a freudian slip) says, "What will it take for you to get involved in this marriage with your husband?" My wife says she must leave. My jaw drops. My heart flattens. My gut twists into a gnarl. My world drops from under my feet. "What the fuck is happening!"

So for days, I'm sleeping on the living room floor, agonizing over her "request" to leave; she actually asked for my blessing! What the hell am I going to do? What else can I do? Damned if I say no, and in a world of hurt if I say yes. I say yes anyway and over those few days on the living room floor, I truly let her go. She was free. She went back to Korea. And all this time, I'd been supporting us, she had no income, nothing, no contribution, and I'm now without a job, saddled with a wee bit of debt. Why? PS - there is no why - it just is - you know, like I've said before - life's like that.

Well, after she said she'd leave, I continued with the therapist. The therapist encouraged and supported me in returning to work; agreed it would be best for me. I went for a meeting with my boss and was handed my walking papers. Get out! You're not wanted here anymore! Wham! Another blow to the balls. What did I ever do wrong? I'm told that I was not "selling" their business effectively. What a load of crap, every single person in that company acknowledged my sales ability and that I was the best marketer/networker in the office and added more energy than they'd typically been used to... I didn't make it up - those kudos were fed to me!

I go back to the therapist. "I thought that might happen," she says. What!? Why did you tell me to go back? If you suspected this might happen, why didn't you warn me and give me some options - an alternative? That was the day! The day that I got laid off, I went home, angry, ready for change, ready for self-determination. No victimhood, no office politics, no bullshit, no more! I want to see a change in society. I want to see people being valued and respected. As Ghandi said, we must become the change we want to see. And my company was born.

One Man Can - why the name... well holy crap. Why not? It was pretty daunting with everything that had happened to start my own business. A business that honors people, challenges management, teaches leadership, coaches and provides encouragement and support for unemployed people (how will they pay my bills?) so that they can achieve and realize their dreams. People cannot achieve any kind of enlightment when their in survival mode all the time. People can't relax and even find work when they're in survival mode. Desperate times make people act and feel desperate. Then they are judged and excluded from opportuntities because they're "needy", "desperate", or "fucked up".

One man can make a difference. I had to believe it. This mountain was just too big to climb without something to support me. This name did just that. This was May 2003 and I got my business cards printed. I started networking. I got some calls, I got plenty of referrals. No income. People broke, wanting work, needing help, and I gave and did what I could. I was paid by one person during that first year and by a woman who had enough self-respect to do so and yet, she was just as unable to pay as everyone else. At the same time, I'm working with a new partner on a software idea. Exciting times, I had the vision, he had the tech skills. I'd done the research and planning, he was going to develop the software. 

July that same year, my wife decides she wants to come back. I thought it was over. I wanted some kind of reassurance that things would be different. How will they be different? What will be different? I asked numerous times and got little response. Finally, the night before she was to get on the plane I made a comment about her not bothering if she couldn't say something positive about what would be different. She said something, I don't remember anymore what that was, but I agreed to pick her up at the airport the next day.

Now she's back, my expenses are higher again, and she's not much different within our relationship, only with herself. She's out looking for work and moving forward... with her life. I'm piling up debts slowly while I support us, build my business, etc. It's minimal and manageable still. Within months, the tensions around the house are unbearable. My "partner" walked off with the software idea when we couldn't agree to terms with the partnership. My wife is sucking the life out of me and no matter how hard I try to convey what my needs are and what would make a difference, she continues to focus solely upon herself. She had found a job, wasn't contributing financially, worked part-time, and still didn't have the energy to do virtually any household work. I'd already been doing the majority of it since we married even when I was working full-time myself. What kind of bullshit is this?

Finally, I'd had enough. My needs were not being met beyond 10-15%. I've supported her, sponsored her, loved her, been patient with her, allowed her back when she left, and those 6 months of her return sucked so much life and energy out of me, I had nothing left to put into my business - my confidence was shot. My heart is heavy, my legs are weak, my back is bent. Even so, I am not a quitter!

It took her 4 months to finally move out - so she could pad her account while I, in turn, went a little further in debt paying for all of our living needs. I finally had to give her that last push because I was in another state of urgency, entering an entrepreneurial training program in order to salvage and move my business forward. This was less than a year ago. She moves out the day before I started. I don't know how I managed to keep my wits about me. My highs were mediocre mostly, my lows were low.

Going through the entrepreneur training, I was plagued with setbacks, one after another. I got a coach. She steered me towards coaching: I am gifted. The business advisors steered me away from my vision. The polarity tore me in two. It wasn't until October that I had the opportunity to start coaches training. It was right! It fit who I am and what I do and validated how well I do it. In return, it offered additional structure and tools that would increase my coaching abilities.

I started to step away from the old business plan path towards coaching. Still in turmoil, still trying to figure out where to go and how to earn. There are many coaches out there earning a living; some charge $600-$1200 per month!!! I only charge $250 per month. And I rock!! But how to find clients, that's the tricky question. I've worked the newsgroups, I've been to the networking events, and I recently heard of blogs and how they elevate website traffic and business profile on the net... it's worked.... to a degree.

And I do give advice. I do make people think. I do share my life's lessons. The wisdom I've earned. Life is not easy. Life can be fun. Others can avoid costly mistakes. I do understand how so much feels. This snapshot is only 2 1/2 - 3 years in duration. I didn't even tell you about the time I left a really cushy 10 year career to move across the country and move in with a father I hadn't even talked to in 13 years. There was a reason we didn't talk for that period of time! I moved in and turned 17 all over again! Within 2 years, the stresses I'd experienced with him, the church, a new city closed to newcomers, put me in the hospital with a life-changing illness....

You see? People get uptight around me. They want me to relax. They want me to have fun. NEWS FLASH!!! I do to! But this is why I do what I do. If people are not able to fulfill their dreams, to find their niche, to enjoy their work, to find work, to belong in community, they will not have the opportunity to enjoy anything!!! I wondered why Vancouver had so many street people... I think I've begun to uncover the answer.

I am good at helping other people navigate their way out of this stuff. I've done it numerous times. Depressed, pounding the pavement, at their wits end, a woman meets me and I offer a conversation. Next day, 2 hour coffee break, she walks away validated, with a healthy and strong perspective, understanding her situation and catapults her career and life into the future. Recently, she referred someone else to me - see The Truth About Emotional Intelligence to learn about that referral - I spend one evening with him. I haven't seen him since. He opened his own business, took control, and is moving forward. Did either of these people pay me for my help? No. Should I have said No? I'm not God but I do have the heart of God. If I can help, I will. My pain, my trials, my suffering, have all added to my incredible ability to transform others lives. I've learned - I've learned a lot.

But don't take away my right to ask for the business!!! I need your support. I need your referrals and your endorsement. Don't take away what I love to do. :(

and this story, is only one small glimpse at a very surface level. as we all know, there is much much more that goes on in one's life during such turbulent times. emotions, spiritually, relationships with people or lack thereof, and on, and on, and on.

I was reminded this morning that we are 'doing' machines. Knowing my life can be better, knowing health is important, knowing what other people do, and many other things prompt feelings of 'should'.

I feel I 'should' do some thing. I feel I 'should' be a certain way. 

Even as a coach, I know this not to be true even when the quality of the doing or being is preferrable. It is not the thing or the way is the problem. It is the attitude and the burden of that expectation. 'Should' is so heavy and so judgemental.

Knowing this, I still catch myself saying 'should' occasionally. Preferably and consistently however, I just intend to 'do' or 'be' in the way that I choose. I give myself permission to fail. 'Being' and 'Doing' come more naturally, even though the change is slow. The 'should' is replaced with 'will be' or 'will do' and if I don't succeed today, that's okay. The 'should' hasn't been given the power and weight to burden me with the guilt. Tomorrow, the intention of 'being' and 'doing' remain the same.

This article will be published in an upcoming issue of The Source newspaper.

The French are coming, the French are coming! Having lived and worked in Ottawa, Ontario for many years, previously married to a Montreal native, I have been intimately familiar with the Quebecer. Down to earth, fun-loving, in-your-face authenticity, these people, with prejudices and all the same baggage we lug around, some have treated me well and some have treated me poorly. With Francophone Week upon us, I set out to meet new French speaking people here in Vancouver. Stopping every pedestrian would be laborious so I visited Educacentre, a French language education centre to better enable the francophone population to contribute to the broader community. I met a variety of global souls, surprised to only encounter one Quebecer, excluding staff.

In the computer lab, we gathered around to discuss the French experience arriving, living, and integrating in Canada. In audience was a Vietnamese Parisian who grew up in Paris, a French speaking Moroccan, a Canadian born Parisian, a Parisian woman whose parents immigrated to France from Algeria, and a full-fledged Quebecer. My first thought was astonishment that the French language extends far beyond Quebec and France, something Canadian Anglophones tend to forget. It was a good reminder to not make assumptions about the origins of French speaking people.

The second thought was curiosity about the love-hate relationship between the European French and the Quebecois. The charming and unassuming nature of our resident Quebecer undermined my attempts at stirring the pot to draw out the underlying cultural influence that creates so much discomfort for the European French immigrant arriving and integrating into Quebec society. This allows for the truth that my next broad-brush stroke doesn’t speak to all Quebecer attitudes.

The European French see Canada as a French speaking country, rarely realizing the extent and diversity of this country beyond Quebec. The French dream is to come to Canada and realize the “Canadian dream” akin to the American dream. Nonetheless, the French foreigner arriving in Quebec is surprised by the poor reception and continued discrimination of Quebecers. This is prompting a number of the French Europeans to settle elsewhere in English Canada where they have a better experience of acceptance.

Yves, born in Rimouski, Quebec, grew up in France from the age of eight after his parents unsuccessful attempt at integrating into the French-Canadian culture from the late 60’s to the late 70’s. His parents experience resulted in his decision to come directly to Vancouver and skip the hardships of Quebec. Malika, the Algerian descendant born in France, lived in Quebec for a year. With her limited English, she struggled with the tale of discrimination. She felt that the tension stemmed from a perceived Quebecer inferiority complex and a perceived superiority complex of Parisians. She admits that Parisians have a certain “air” about them that can appear snobbish; similar to the perception many world-citizens have of the Americans. Even amongst the European French, there exists a dislike of the Parisian attitude.

Much conversation ensued as to the cause for conflict without any clear answers. Je me souviens is the phrase on Quebec license plates; it means, I remember. Some Quebecers have suggested it remembers the abandonment of French Canadians when France signed the treaty with the English hundreds of years ago. A Parisian’s research indicated it is in remembrance of soldiers whose lives were lost during WWII. Our resident Quebecer didn’t really know. He was pretty comfortable with expanding his world beyond his province’s borders and doesn’t concern himself with trivial bickering; his love is sports. The Vietnamese Parisian, Alex, also felt the same frustrations Malika spoke of, relating stories of cultural segregation of pocket-communities. No surprise really; that has existed and still exists everywhere, including Vancouver.

As I continue to delve into the mysteries that keep us apart due to our cultural history, I always discover the same thing: We’re all the same. At our core, we’re looking for adventure, achievement, excitement, love, and community. We want to belong and have a purpose. We enjoy meeting new people and experiencing new cultures. With that in mind, it’s time to get out and enjoy more of the Francophone Week and the cultural experience that has to offer.

Blogging was a new toy, a new medium, a new way to journal, a new way to find an audience, and a new way to write each and every day. It filled up a lot of time every day, posting thoughts, poems, lyrics, articles, and much to other bloggers chagrin, much advice from a career/life coach. Oops! Visiting other blogs shows a variety of ideas, insight, drivel, stupidity, brilliance, despair, compassion, loneliness, love, and so much more. Receiving replies to posted blogs became a moment of excitement in the day, a moment of gratitude for recognition received. But one day, all that slowly changed.

Insipid creatures, blog trolls, exist out in blog world as well. They troll through blogs looking for useless things to say. They dump a load of crap in the inbox, possibly waiting to see what they'll catch with their planted bait. Others visit, read and become inspired to repost similarity on their blog. Do you wonder who has original ideas? Who has original thoughts? There must be uniqueness, mustn't there?

Now, with less inspiration to post more, I struggle to find my way  across the keyboard. I struggle to think clearly about something interesting or wonderful to share. It's not the lack of ideas, it's the lack of desire. Instead, I want Real People, in Real Conversation, having an exchange, a proper exchange, of ideas and thoughts that will evolve into a natural mindblog for the day. Where I get something in return from the exchange. A sense of satisfaction. A sense of connection. A sense of acknowledgement that I AM real.

Life is an oddity. I remember what it felt to be twentyish, going out, living it up, drinking and dancing. Usually it was the drinking that did me in before anyone else. So I ended up not going out anymore and not drinking anymore. Married, kids (hers not mine), my lifestyle was very different from what I see downtown today. Then, 29 and divorced.

Sort of managed that transition until one day I remarried again. That was about 3 years ago. It ended 1-2 years ago.... huh? 1-2 years ago? I know, I know. It took that long to figure out it wasn't going to work no matter how hard I tried to get her to love me.

But what brought this rant on? I'm 40 now and I need to go out, meet people, get laid, have fun, dance... but I think after awhile, the sex becomes an issue. Anyway, not to belabour the point, I wanted to meet up with a couple friends and go out last night. I couldn't get a hold of anybody! Oh Shit! Then... Fuck it! I'll take a walk down Granville and see what's up and pick a spot to go.

The streets were crowded, the traffic was snarled and young Britney's, Christina's, and pompous young men were everywhere. Attitude, sassitude, pretense, and young fun. Fuck did I feel old. But I'm not so old. I want a different kind of fun. A less pretentious bullshit fun... something more real.

I miss dancing. Now I'm told that I should join a club in order to meet someone. Oh yea...   I've never liked joining social clubs, activity clubs, hobby clubs. I'm not ready for the pasture; not unless it's global and I'm jetsetting around it.

You'll notice my blogs of late... particularly about the need for connection with others and how strange the landscape is these days in our social fabric. I find it interesting to note the similarities of other people's blogs and the "stuff" they're thinking, feeling, or experiencing as I vent my 'stuff' too.

Check this out:

Freshyoungmo Mindsay: Bringing Me Down 

Misjudged Mindsay: Left Out 

Redhat Mindsay: Grown Up Women & Little Girls 

Somerandomblog Mindsay: Isolation - The Walls we Build

Dreamf0rme Mindsay: Living Life in Confusion

Somerandomblog Mindsay: Frustration with Life and Relationship 

Sojourner Mindsay: Fly Away - wanting to escape 

Crowsblood Mindsay: Fucked Ain't I? 

Robot2 Mindsay: Needing Love & Connection (The pain without)

Acousticangel Mindsay: Running Away - inspired song lyrics 

Bbdollx79 Mindsay: A Little Lonely? 

Bbdollx79 Mindsay: Wanting Freedom 

Artificialcandy Mindsay: Erasing the past 

Featherdawn Mindsay: Needy People 

Robot2 Mindsay: Where is Love & Honor? 

Dreamcatcher Mindsay: What's the Point? 

Caffenapkinprof Mindsay: Searching for Peace in God 

Gravytrainwhore Mindsay: Why are we here? 

All of this in the last 24 hours. And this is just the obvious one's in my Online Friends network that I like to keep tabs on and see what they're saying. I bet there was a whole lot more out there.

There is a connection to all of it and to all of us... where is it?

At the moment, just a day or two after writing my Blog Troll crap article, I still find myself oddly torn between disgust, loathing, pity, and anger at members of the Mindsay community who sign up only to post lame-ass comments on other people's blogs. I go to visit their blog and guess what? Surprise, surprise! No Blog Entries - Ever!!

I think these people should be banned. They're shit-disturbers without courage. Anonymity is fine, hiding behind a computer screen is fine, not providing the means for others to respond and pollute your blog, that's not fine. Having nothing interesting or intelligent to say on your own blog - that's not fine. Responding and polluting everyone else's blog - that's not fine. Get a spine!

All you Friendly Bloggers ---- Here's the Plan ... chuckles with joy.

Whenever one of these silly-buggers flames us with useless tidbits, we post a blog showing which Blog Entry and Reply page we can find their useless drivel. We then all reply to their comment directly - careful which reply button you chose (make sure it's the one beside their comment) - and we'll flood their Inbox.  hahahahahahahahaha

Target # 1 - Check Blog Entry Forty & Fucked and select Page 9 of the replies - you'll notice a snide remark from madammebutterfly who has no blog entries at all... and we'll Reply to her comment, flooding her Inbox.

Will the sinister plan to flip the evil back on the evil bloggers work? Stay-tuned for the next episode in The Blog Troll Wars!   hahahahahahaha

PLEASE NOTE: Participating in the evil plan may result in bad karma. Writing about it and fantasizing about it is great. If it backfires, I'll be flooded in my Inbox too. Hmmm.... what to do? Ensure you hit the little blue word REPLY right beside the other users nickname in order for your messages to go to the correct Inbox.

This has been a public service announcement. Thank-you for your time. :)

You know, I do firmly believe I am spiritual. I've spent years in the church (yippee painful) - still believe in Jesus - but I also believe in a whole lot more. Church didn't work for me - thankfully, Jesus said we didn't have to be in church to worship God. I also have a very expansive view of God while the church (my experience of it) had a rather narrow view of God. Living up to ideals - while ideal - is not real. We are who we are and we do strive to better ourselves but at the end of the day, we are human beings too. If we could stay on a spiritual plane and be perfect all the time, why would we have bothered coming here to this physical plane? This is an experience! This world, life, physical joys, pleasures, and pain... All of it ... it is one hell of a trip.

What about you? What is your view on spirituality? Do you remember when you were very young - asking questions about:

• Why are we here?
• Where did we come from?
• Where do we go when we die?
• What happens to us when we die?
• How did all of this wonder and beauty get created?

I know I did... I asked lots of those questions until the system finally shut-it all down with the statement - There is no why!!! It just IS!!!  But I honestly believe the innocence of youth has a sense of something greater that brings these questions up... our adulthood systems of education, politics, and materialistic fulfillment have deadened those senses.

So tell me what you believe - what questions you remember asking.... I want to know!! :)

When is it okay to no longer "be nice" to people who are not nice? In the business community where I live and work I participate in online discussion forums. I bring my thoughts and expertise to the table and say what I believe to be true. I welcome and enjoy healthy positive and productive conversations that explore possibilities. For the most part, a majority of people exchange their views in an intelligent and respectful manner.

Then there are those other few who jump in to negate, stifle, or stop the synergy that might ensue if it weren't for their critical commentary. They disguise their attack in the form of some intellectual argument that serves no purpose other than to demean the intent of the conversation. I have tried to be fair, honest, respectful, open-minded, and to engage their conversation in a positive way, only to have them continue to manipulate their agenda for no apparent positive outcome. It appears as though their only agenda is to push things into a corner so it will go no further.

I'm always hearing that I should not care, feel disturbed, or take it personally. Yet, the only obvious purpose that is discernable by me is their intention to personally attack my original intent for starting the conversation. It seems to me that there comes a time when enough is enough. It seems that a time must come that a response is required that calls them on their malicious intent.

Inevitably, this will be seen as retaliatory in nature but in truth, an end to the "game" is the desired outcome and reason for my final response. So now I'm considered the "powderkeg" (his words) but, they forgot that they're the person with the matches.

A sorrow meanders in our lives today
Coating us all in its melancholy smile
With moments of wonder to what is
and what will become our tomorrow

Springing to moments of joy daily
With friendship feeding a deeper need
To be at One within our expansiveness
That is our society struggling to survive

Waking today an attempt to try again
Walking towards the light of day
Being washed in the warmth of Universe
Knowing but insecure of our own worth

The Supernatural can be found
Only when the fear is put away
Opening our heart and listening
For that quiet source of everlasting

Lee Down
March 9, 2005

uh-huh  uh-huh  uh-huh
gimme the physical puritanical pleasures of promise

uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
titillating the tantilizing truth together in time

uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
so seriously satitisfy serenely the soul

uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
growing orgasmically organically in the groin

uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh
coming completely confident with contentedness

uh-huh uh-huh uh-huh

wrote this for fun in response to a friends blog

Sleep

It descends softly
Enveloping slowly
With a million tiny gems
Sparkling in the mines
Of your minds eye
Creating a warmth
Of peace and serenity

Lying there still
Waiting, in the darkness
For the escape
That awaits you
Drifting slowly
With the ebbing tide
Of time and distance
No longer a reality

Thoughts become dreams
Dreams become reality
Running from the demons
To find your sanctuary
Of magnificence and grandeur
That will protect and warm
The battered heart and soul
That has battled the real world
And spirits of the night

I wrote this years ago from a first person perspective and rewrote it tonight for a friend in need. I like the shift in perspective and decided to share it with you.

First, let me say Thanks... I was astonished to see I was in #1 spot on Mindsay for Mar9th. What's a matta you people!? ;)  Seriously, thank-you. I feel honored.

I also took a look at the other top 5 and had a hoot with the following:

Good Golly Miss Molly
She sure likes to Ball! ;)

http://ibeme.mindsay.com/

Check it out.

I haven't met a girl like that in years. I know they're out there somewhere.

Hello, hello, helloooo...

I'm going to go on a real tirade soon about this topic. But before I do, I'll give it a little more thought. I was about to be a complete Bill Maher... er.. I mean, Ass!! ;) 

Politically Correct? I think not! It's a minefield that cannot be navigated successfully in this day and age; there are too many opposing views, preferences, and lifestyles. You know the adage: Different strokes for different folks; Different horses for different courses.

When I look at my entire life and who I am, I am the sum of all my Life Experiences. This means I am a baby, a boy, a man, a professional, a lover, a giver, a gentleman, a pig ;), a spiritual person, a receiver, a cook, a coach, and so much more. When I'm with my friends, all pretense aside, I'm hanging with the boys. I hear the lady friends talking about "going out with the girls." No one is offended by such statements.

So I don't get too hung-up on on my choices of words. I focus instead on being real; being authentically who I am. So I might say things that will bother some people and their sensitivities, but I question it.

• Why are you so sensitive about "that" label?
• What's wrong with embracing all aspects of who you are?
• What is really bugging you about that term?

It's better not to finger-point. It's better to look past the language and see the person. Everywhere you go, you'll end up in hot water if you're always worried about the right way to say things and you will never please 100% of the people 100% of the time. So get over yourself and try to see where comments are coming from. Don't make a mountain out of a mole-hill. That doesn't work either.

I wasn't surprised at all. I so identified with that movie: Big Fish. It was a fantastic tale that felt like my life adventure and where I am still going. Now to just stay focused. :)

Energy is everywhere. We are filled with it and our consciousness causes it to vibrate at different levels. You aim anger, fear, hate, the energy permeates the environment and we see more anger, fear, and hate. You aim love, joy, peace and we will see more love, joy, and peace.

Who is benefiting from our fear? Who benefits from our hate? The hate and fear is feeding a political and economical system of control and domination. Who is being dominated? I believe we can impact far more through invisible acts of kindness by creating love, joy, and peace in our daily lives than we can be demonstrating our displeasure with what we see around us. (I know I don't do this 100% of the time either... I am working on it and forgiveness of myself and others is the key.) :)

Will you join me in this experiment? Can you wake up each day choosing to be joyful, to be loving of yourself and others, and to seek and create peace in your small community? What miracles we might create together. Believe that it is possible and live it... be patient... watch... wait... and see!

Another person - not race

Love - not skin color

Humanity - not a cultural label

Sameness - not difference

We are all different. We are all the same. Whereas you have uniqueness that manifests through the expression of your values via your behaviours, attitudes, intelligence, and creativity. At the root you seek love and yet, experience resistance to the fullest expression of love. I have been wrestling with the complexity of love for a long time. What I have discovered has astonished me.

You ache deeply in your heart for love in your life, hoping for fulfillment through another and yet, that love begins with self. The expression of that loving energy, central in your being must be released fully to embrace yourself, your gifts, your life, and your interactions in the world. That fullest expression and sensation is an expansion within that feels like the chest is being torn asunder. It is suppressed because it is difficult to contain and that is important to notice. It is not meant to be contained.

Love is to be expanded and allowed to flow out. In coming to terms with this, allowing the discomfort of such a raw emotional power pressing outward from the chest, it will become familiar and less uncomfortable. It's powerful and passionate force will fill up your life with meaning, purpose, and fulfillment. It is the contender. It is the purpose. It will bring the manifestation of all that you are and are here to be. It will draw the right circumstances, people, and relationships into your life that will enrich your experience.

That fullness of love is vulnerable and it causes you to fear. But the fear is a prison preventing the very thing that you desire; the deepest experience of love and the fullest life you seek to enjoy. Being vulnerable comes with the full emotional range of grief, pain, and disappointment that comes from loving others. People will continue to be human and err. Rather than shut-down, embrace the pain and love the hurting inner child of innocent love. Forgive, not just the trespasser but also that inner child. With forgiveness offer love and through the pain watch it subside into comfort. Continue to bring life through love and forgiveness and witness the power to transform lives; yours and those you impact.

Fear is a disguise. This implies you are imprisoned from realizing your fullest potential as a loving creative being. "What scares you?" is the question that must be asked.

• Is it being your best self?
• That you are not deserving enough?
• Are you frightened by what you might lose?
• Or by what you gain?

There is mystery behind your fears that you think you would be curious enough to ask questions. In response, an awareness to your belief structures will allow a deconstruct and re-creation of self to a new truth of Being.

Any true achievement will be founded upon a clear sense of Being in this world: Being On Purpose.

If any of this resonates, check out my site One Man Can and email me with your Big Questions and/or Hairy Goals. What will set you free?

Inspired in response to a new friend's blog: jesuisbrietard

I'm reminded of how important it is to embrace one's own emotions. To experience the emotion fully and embracing it into self. Through this act I acknowledge my humanity and learn what it is to love; the vulnerability causing its grief, sorrow, and disappointment. We have choice at this moment: To embrace the emotion and cradle it in love or, to bottle it to one day explode in an act of misplaced aggression.

Exercise is a good tool for training the body to "work through" the emotions more effectively, with less wear and tear. I'm reminded of how the changes in my life, with all of its emotional turmoil, caused such physical pain during those times. Had I been in better physical condition, I suspect my physical body would have endured much more gracefully; putting me in a good mood.

Please read the next blog entry "Fear or Achievement" too. It's relevance will not be missed.

Hi Y'all...

I learned today that some people are not successful emailing me through my website. Please visit my One Man Can website and click on the email me "click here" words. Try and send me something.

Let me know if it gets returned with an undeliverable message.

Thanks

So.... Not a single one of my Mindsay Online Friends has done this small favor for me. Time to update my friends list? hmmm? ;)

So now I'm curious. Why didn't anyone try the email test to help me out? What is the worry or fear?

Thank you so much! Such a little thing makes such a big difference. The email test worked - I received three different emails for which I'm grateful. Now I can say confidently that the link does work and when it doesn't it could be some other internet funky problem - not so much my site. Phew!

Bless you for taking the bait. :D

Once upon a time I would notice the little things. Then adulthood, family life, financial burdens, work, and everything that is our rat-race took over.

"I should be __fill-in-the-blank__" became my prison.

My eyes no longer were present.
Instead, my vision always looked beyond today.

My memory forgot true importance.
Instead, I pained over the past and worried about the future.

I became so busy DOING, I forgot how to BE.

One day, waking up, I realized I did not know; was confused.
I was lost; I truly did not know who the hell I was.

And then, a question burned, and a very long journey began; to remember. 

Now I do; I remember who I am.

Now I notice again, everyday, the little things that matter.

I considered selling advertising to the gay community recently and found myself feeling apprehensive - I hate being hit on. However, I learned that many gays arrive here to escape persecution due to their sexual preferences - and Vancouver is well-known for its acceptance of alternative lifestyles. In Mexico, if you're gay and other men are aware of this, it is likely that you will be ostracized and physically harmed. This I learned from a friend who came here to save himself and his family. Now he is free to pursue his lifestyle and sexual preference with a greater degree of freedom and security. This does not mean that everyone here in Canada is tolerant of the gay community; after all, we are a mixed bag of people living here.

I became aware of the fact that the gay community itself is a culture by its own right. I did pick up the dictionary to verify this fact. Here's what it says:
culture. n. 1. a. The totality of socially transmitted behavior patterns, arts, beliefs, institutions, and all other products of human work and thought. b. These patterns, traits, and products considered as the expression of a particular period, class, community, or population: Edwardian culture; Japanese culture; the culture of poverty. c. These patterns, traits, and products considered with respect to a particular category, such as a field, subject, or mode of expression: religious culture in the Middle Ages; musical culture; oral culture. d. The predominating attitudes and behavior that characterize the functioning of a group or organization.

So now we recognize that the gay community is a culture. This would also hold true for other sexual cultures; and what about musicians, skinheads, painters, writers, and so on? Oh, and what about street people? They're another culture defined by their behavior patterns, beliefs, traits, class, community, population, and so on. So, the word multiculturalism used here in Canada, while respecting and doing what it can to promote acceptance of our different country origins and traditions, does little else to promote acceptance of everyone.

As a Canadian-born individual, I am not so much interested in multiculturalism in the Canadian context. I'm interested in each individual and their experience. I love culture. When I found the definition in my dictionary for culture, close to that I found a definition I had not heard: Culture- Vulture. What's that? I wondered.

Culture Vulture. n. colloq. Person eager for cultural pursuits.

That almost sounds like me. I'm not so eager to be considered a vulture but I am definitely interested in other cultural experiences. My eagerness to experience other cultures doesn't mean I'm willing to throw away my heterosexuality, but rather that I am willing to talk with and participate with members of the gay community. With other cultural experiences, I've eaten chicken feet, stomachs of animals, 100-year-old eggs, and other things that would typically make many Canadian-born blokes like me queasy. I was grossed out initially, but usually I've been pleasantly surprised by the experience. These are the things that open us to embracing differences with a more open mind. I think food and beliefs are the real attraction to exploring other cultures. It challenges our world-view and palate (and keeps our tummies full).

So my point is that we should be a lot more aware of acceptance and openness towards everyone: Canadian-born, immigrants, gays and lesbians, pot-smokers, and many, many more. Multiculturalism, while a worthwhile focus for Canada to promote and respect our diversity, as individuals we can do so much more for the cause.

by Lee Down
Published in The Source newspaper Vol.7 No.6 Sept. 21 - Oct. 5, 2004

Is comedy funny? Is it the great equalizer? What's the funny thing about comedy? These are all good questions deserving of an answer. This year, Mr. Will Davis, the Executive Director of the Vancouver International Comedy Festival, booked acts with a wide range of cultural influences for the World Stage held at the Tom Lee City Stage. Davis recognizes the cultural diversity of the Vancouver market and booked acts with strong cultural influences. Some of these acts come from other parts of the world, and others are steeped in the duality of being a Canadian with a strong emphasis on their cultural heritage and the experiences they've lived through.

You think you’re going nowhere

But as you sit and think

The earth continues to spin

While circling the sun

So get up off the couch

And venture out into the world

As you travel in your day to day

Meet those whose paths cross yours

Listen to the words spoken

Your thoughts and emotions

As they speak to your soul

With this knowledge

Your spirit will be your guide

Leading you to fulfill

A destiny intended for you

Your dreams and desires

Fueled by the need to exceed

What you believe to be

Asked by another to share my story about my company name, here it is:

I have been wrestling with much over the course of the past two years and the journey continues even now, hence my sporadic activity. You asked how I chose the name and this is part of that story.
 
Many years ago, as I journalled daily, I often wrote about the power we each have to impact our world, lives and relationships. After moving from one end of the country to another, still on-fire and believing in the truth of what I wrote, I endeavoured to find "my unique place" that met this value daily. Unfortunate events and my reactions in pain, misunderstanding my personal power, my spiritual nature, and many other family/life relationships, I succumbed to a place of weakness and disease. Essentially, this became a turning point in my spiritual growth.
 
Over the course of the next 7-8 years I survived:

• an illness that witnessed the loss of 50lbs in 2 weeks;
• the loss of personal identity connected with family and then the redefinition of the same within the new perspective of my family;
• a time period within a restrictive religious group that hindered and harmed more than it helped and healed;
• career chaos leaving many unmet goals unfulfilled;
• a marriage that ended as quickly as it started but no less painfully as I continue to love deeply;
• and the redefinition of who I AM and who I AM here to BE.

All of the pain and suffering, all of the relationship, career, life, and spiritual experiences brought me once again full-circle to the foundation of my belief; one man (one person) can make a difference.
 
In this journey, I witnessed from a first-person experience and from the relationships with others, much of the strife and illness that exists within our society today. There has been such enormous shifts in our values and community connections. Our workplaces have become more toxic and family life is breaking down. Spiritual life and connection is virtually non-existent even in those who participate in religion. The truth of who we are seems lost as the Western society has corrupted itself in the church of materialism and status.
 
Over the last year, I have stepped more courageously forward as a Professional Coach. In doing so, I also received the support of some amazing spiritual teachers. They taught me about my energy, my sensitivity to energy (that had been my downfall during that 8 year period), how to process, stay connected to source, grounding, etc. In the process, my writing has reawakened, and I have discovered my role as a spiritual teacher. We are powerful beings. We are lost. We must reclaim what is rightfully ours and our place in the universe. And still I say, "One Man Can make a difference" as my inspiration to continue to transform, not only my life, the lives of the others.
 
I'm not very familiar with Reiki, although one day soon I do plan on investigating it more closely. My initial concerns of sustainability are keeping my attention focused on my coaching profession. I write some great articles on my website and blogs, but these are all voluntary and unpaid. I am planning a book around helping people remember who they are; opening their eyes to the possibility that we are spiritual beings. My income is only gained through active coaching sessions with clients committed to their own personal growth; empowered change, overcoming fear. My passion is to see others inspired and owning their power and purpose in order to manifest the greatness that is possible in their lives. They too will make a difference once they do.
 
Thanks for the invitation to share my story.
 
Best wishes, Lee
 
Make a Difference

Quite often, I will be communicating with other people... you know? The usual conversation. And something niggles deep inside that they're trying to say something without really saying what they mean. I've still not come to understand why people dance through the tulips rather than just coming out and clearly stating what needs to be said or what their concern was.

This week, I heard yet again how my intensity and closeness (intimate space) has thrown off three or four different people. Instead of these individuals coming to me and saying what they felt, the gossip and another comes forward with the comment. This in a neighborhood, not an office environment; instead, it's happening in a casual friendship circle setting. Huh! Some friendships!

In this situation, I task each individual to take Full Responsibility for themselves. Speak up! You have no business and no right to gossip and slander people from your own place of fear and discomfort without speaking with the offender. It could be a misunderstanding! It could be your own fear is where you discomfort comes from! What is under the fear and discomfort? What is it really about? 

If you have not had the conversation with the invidual who you feel caused the experience, you'll never know. It's amazing what can occur with that simple conversation! Awareness, insight, understanding, respect, not just of the other but also of yourself. Imagine how much you might grow from the experience. Imagine what Gold Nugget of personal awareness might set you free from some blockage that previously limited you.

You've heard it before, people come into our lives for a reason. What are you going to learn from them? What are they here to teach you? Those "trouble spots" that cause you fear, discomfort, annoyance, are great indicators to be watching for clues.

In another situation, the old codgers like to give out advice. Instead of giving it outright, I get the story in the form of a song, legend, or story. Again, I scratch my head wondering! What is the clue here that I'm supposed to pick up? I asked for the advice so I don't know why the seed has to be planted in such an indirect way. Why not just come out and say it? I know I'd appreciate it; it isn't as though I haven't already got enough on my mind.

So for Pete's sake folks! Speak and communicate clearly. If you still don't understand what the hell is going on, Keep Talking. Stay curious and keep communicating. You'll have far better relationships anyway if you do!

I've spoken before about Spirit and Soul as two distinct parts of the self. It's buried here in my blog somewhere. :)  "So what?" you ask. "Hehehehe," comes my reply with a mischevious grin. "Take a look at what I read this morning."

From Psychology Today:

Care of the Soul
by Thomas Moore 

In the modern world we tend to separate psychology from religion. We like to think that emotional problems have to do with the family, childhood, and trauma -- with personal life but not with spirituality. We don't diagnose an emotional seizure as "loss of religious sensibility" or "lack of spiritual awareness." Yet the soul -- the seat of our deepest emotions -- can benefit greatly from the gifts of a vivid spiritual life, and can suffer when it is deprived of them.

The soul, for example, needs an articulated world-view, a carefully worked-out scheme of values and a sense of relatedness to the whole. It needs a myth of immortality and an attitude toward death. It also thrives on spirituality that is not so transcendent-such as the spirit of family, arising from traditions and values that have been part of the family for generations.

Spirituality doesn't arrive fully formed without effort. Religions around the world demonstrate that spiritual fife requires constant attention and a subtle, often beautiful technology by which spiritual principles and understandings are kept alive. For good reason we go to church, temple, or mosque regularly and at appointed times: it's easy for consciousness to become lodged in the material world and to forget the spiritual.

Just as the mind digests ideas and produces intelligence, the soul feeds on life and digests it, creating wisdom and character out of experience. Renaissance Neoplatonists said that the outer world serves as a means of deep spirituality and that the transformation of ordinary experience into the stuff of soul is all-important. If the link between life experience and deep imagination is inadequate, then we are left with a division between life and soul, and such a division will always manifest itself in symptoms.

"Psychological Modernism"

Professional psychology has created a catalog of disorders, known as the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual, or DSM, which is used by doctors and insurance companies to help diagnose and standardize problems of emotional life and behavior with precision. For example, in the current edition, there is a category called "adjustment disorders." The problem is that adjusting to life, while perhaps sane to all outward appearances, may sometimes be detrimental to the soul.

One day I would like to make up my own DSM, in which I would include the diagnosis "psychological modernism," an uncritical acceptance of the values of the modern world. It includes

With respect towards copyright laws, please

Read the rest at Psychology Today

It is a phenomenal article.

Friday night I came home from dinner at one of my favorite restaurants. I had lamb, persian rice, and a salad along with a bottle of Granville Island lager. This particular place serves this interesting "flat-bread" cut into squares for dipping into a sauce similar to tsatziki. After having had met Paul Bae, a comedian of note recently, we shared an interesting conversation about the trials of life and how comedy is the pain we all share. Sharing our stories, I was intrigued by the fact that I had been meeting many comedians lately, wondering what door life was opening to me.

Paul had been a teacher before he entered the world of comics. His own parents suggested he become a comic after his divorce and they were prepared to support him finanically to help him succeed. How's that for family support; after all, he was already in his early 30's. I know this support didn't exist in my family - quite the opposite in fact. Of course, he was recognized as a story-teller of note within his social circle, family, etc. and there was no doubt that he would succeed.

As we shared stories, and I pondered what new information was being presented to me, Paul spoke to me about writing my stories. Drawing upon his teaching experience, his English Literature studies, possibly philosophy too, and naturally his comedian perspective, he felt certain that there were sufficient stories within my life to develop an exceptional book. If not exceptional, cathartic. This makes me smile wistfully as I consider how ironic it feels to be in this situation. It's not an explainable feeling; it just is.

So while I waited for my dinner, taking Paul's suggestion, I began with a scene in my life; a particular incident that spanned a few days of hell. I was working with my journal and filled up 6 or 7 pages rather quickly. I was choking a lot of emotion as I wrote. I thought to myself, "maybe writing at a public restaurant isn't such a good idea. I have a feeling I could end up crying while I recall and tell some of these stories." The tension in my chest, the sobs choked down in my throat, the knot in my stomach, and the shivering bubbles of past clinging to my body left me feeling rather uncomfortable as I wrote.

I was surprised by how much I had written by the time my dinner had arrived. I completed a segment of the story and pulled my plate closer, beginning to eat. it was a less than enjoyable meal. The food was as good as it always was but my balance left me in that place of discomfort. I was reminded of when I was a child, eating supper, after a severe punishment or emotionally bad day, choking down my food and trying not to cry. Dammit it all, I realized. I'll have to choose my writing times better in the future.

After dinner I went back home. It must have been past 9:00pm already, I'd had a late dinner. I sat down at my computer and checked the activity at some of my favorite visiting spots: DiscoverVancouver.com, Mindsay, my email. Easter weekend, not much going on. Leaving Yahoo Messenger on, I selected Dance music from the LaunchCast menu and with the heavy rhythmic beat pounding around me, I busied myself with a game of Solitaire. Amazing how much time passes in the semi-conscious trance of mindless computer game requiring no thought. My body moved with the music and the energy and restlessness of the nights emotions were building up within me. I needed to move, I needed to dance!

I am not a night-club person. I'd like to be but I've just not had much luck with those places. I see the mindless attitudes of young people, violence, preening, arrogance - not all bad - and then those insane lineups in a city that needs more entertainment. So where am I going to go? I'd been to Celebreties once before; it's a gay-club very closeby in my neighborhood. I didn't enjoy my experience there either with all those "big buff boys" bumping and grinding all around, jostling me, and a sense of being hunted by predators. Oh shit! I've got to move! My body and mind insisted with the raging restlessness.

Finally, 11:00pm, I ventured outside and walked up to the main drag, Davie Street. I checked out Jupiter Lounge quickly only to be disappointed; no dancing. Crap! That just leaves Celebrities, I'd never get in without standing in line for an hour to some of the other places in town and then I'd be lucky to find any room to dance on the dance floor. I didn't need a partner, I just needed to move! I paid the $10.00 cover charge and went inside, checking my coat, wondering what the fuck the $10.00 was for. Now I had to stay awhile and get my money's worth.

Nervous, apprehensive, I ventured over to the bar and ordered a beer. I sensed that I would be needing a few bottles of liquid courage to get over my nerves and relax. With beer in hand, I turned and surveyed the scene. the dance floor was already somewhat busy but there was still plenty of room. The music was pumping out steady, solid dance music and guys and gals were everywhere. Celebrities, known for it's gay scene, also has its fair share of hetero-couples that come for the fun. I strolled around to get a better sense of the place, taking in the layout of the land. Somehow, this had a calming effect as I became familiar with the surroundings.

I ordered a second beer, still not courageous enough to venture onto the dance floor and noticing the smoking room decided to have a cigarette. Damn things! But what the hell... I'm working on quiting the habit but with a beer, why bother tonight? I walked in, lit up, surveyed the crowd in the smoking room and minded my own affairs. A scrawny younger man said hello, motioning me to come over out of the doorway. Not wanting to be rude I came over and said hello.

His name is Elvis. I smiled, replying, "Elvis is in the building." He introduced me around to the small group, me wondering who might or might not be gay, men and women alike. He asked me if I was alone and I said yes, mentioning that I had been separated recently. "Oh honey, try not to let that bring you down. It'll be alright. Have some fun tonight." He had the sing-song voice and typical mannerisms of the gay queen's I've seen in the neighborhood, it made everything he said seem humorous. "Damn, he might still think I'm gay." I thought to myself as I realized I'd not said anything about my ex-wife.

Playing it cool, I finished my cigarette and went for my third beer. Damn, is this stuff watered down? Buying bottles I knew this wasn't true but it wasn't grabbing hold and my senses were on major alert. A third into the bottle, I saw a secluded part of the dance floor and squeezed my way over, set my beer down on the floor nearby, and with eyes closed, began to dance. Weird that I can't dance well with my eyes open. That damn self-concsious part of my mind kicks in and starts to analyze everything around me.

Some strange creature, I'm pretty sure it was a guy, looking like a throw-back to another era of the 80s or something, hair tied in little buns on each side of his head, the rest dangling down, a silver star on his forehead, glitter all over, torn t-shirt with flapping strips, and bandana stuff tied-off on various parts of his body, came over and started his own dance thing. It felt invasive, he'd get a wee bit to close and be turned towards me like he's putting the show on for me. It could've been my imagination but he did disappear from the dance-floor quite quickly after I left. Thank-God I can use beer and a need for a smoke as an excuse to distract myself.

Having not danced in ages, I had become winded rather quickly, feeling the age of my body around me. Elvis was still hanging out in the smoking room.

"How was the dancing?" he piped up.

"Not bad, it's been a long time." I answered.

Then he started to talk more about my recent separation. I don't know where he was going to go with the conversation but at the mere mention of my "last boyfriend," I quickly corrected him that it was an ex-wife, not ex-boyfriend. Phew! The reality comes to light for him and I don't have to worry about seeming rude. Stunned, his mouth agape, he just looked at me, blinked a few times, shook his head, and then, "You're straight!?"

"Yeah."

"What are you doing here?"

"I heard it was a good place to go for some dancing. I've heard a lot of straight people come here too."

"True."

Grabbing my arm, he leads me over to his friends, yelling, "Hey you guys! Lee's straight!!" Looks of astonishment, wonder, a few knowing winks, and among a couple of the women, a couple of appreciative smiles. I'm relieved now, relaxing a little more, as I learn that navigating this sexual mayhem can be done without any collateral damage. Elvis, still sizing me up, then proceeds to talk to me more, still checking me out up and down. He had already asked me if I worked out while squeezing my arm on my earlier visit. Now he wanted to know if I'd ever thought of trying a gay sexual encounter.

"Oh, I've had plenty of opportunity since I moved to the neighborhood." I said. "I've been hit on and propositioned more than a few times the past six months."

"Duh. Well, no kidding!" in sing-song voice. "Just look at you!" Standing back, one hand on one hip, the other hand putting me on full-display up and down.

"Thank-you." is all I could think of saying.

Well, I think I'm going to go dancing again. I grabbed another beer, number four, and stepped over closer to the dance floor trying to decide where I'd best find my spot. I stayed there awhile assessing the situation. Still a little queasy with everything but feeling more confident that I should be able to stay out of trouble. There was one corner of the dance floor that seemed to relatively free from interference. I waited and watched. Satisfied, I went over, placed my beer on the nearby siderail counter, closed my eyes and began to move.

For the next two hours I didn't venture from that spot. I moved, I moved, and  I moved. Eyes closed for the most part, in my own groove, feeling the music and the body, pumping out the beat. A few times, eyes opened briefly to take in the bodies around me. I found it amazing that I had a three foot circumference around me that was left undisturbed almost the entire time. At 2:45 a.m. I left for home, energized, enthused, unscathed, and pleased that I'd gotten my money's worth. 

Ponder yonder
    into the night
        wee hours of morn
To see and wander
   the landscape of thought
        wildness of mind
Emotions embodied
   spirit somewhere inside
        soul integration
Where does the road go
    one may wonder
        thinking this life

Strange

August 16, 1996

It was on a visit to Vancouver to see my family that this amazing story took place. I had to write about it was such a stunning experience.

It had been a good day! John, Lando and I had an amazing adventure. Our climb up the Chief, a local attraction in Squamish, will be a significant memory for my entire life. The hike up was very strenuous; after less than 20 minutes I was feeling that I wouldn't be able to make it, but I couldn't let my little brother know. With a few rests along the way, we went up the trail. I wasn't familiar with the place and it was very difficult to follow at times. Once we thought we were on the main trail only to discover, after reaching the top, that we had made a wrong turn. We were on the smaller peak. Turning around, we literally ran, jumped, and scrambled our way back down till we reached the fork that led to the other summit.

The ascent wasn’t bad at this point as our bodies had fallen into a rhythm; as we went higher the trail became steeper and more treachorous. I was racing up ahead; I had to be the first to the top. Reaching the top, the view was amazing. There is one part that is rather flat and crawling up to the edge on our bellies, we looked straight down a cliff. I don't know how high we were but there was no doubt that it was a very long way to the bottom; straight down!

Inching back, getting up, standing together, admiring the view, my eyes kept being drawn back to the ledge. It defied my logic that I couldn't sit on the ledge with my feet dangling down over the edge. I can sit on a counter-top. I can sit on a table. I can sit on a roof with my legs dangling over. I can do all of these things without falling, so why not sit up here on the ledge with my feet dangling over. I mentioned it to my brother and Lando. They both looked at me with looks that said, "Are you stupid?"

Nonetheless, I walked closer to the edge, squatted down to my bum and sat down with my feet edging slowly toward the precipice. I gingerly inched my way up to the edge so that I was sitting with my knees hanging fully over the side of the mountain. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't sit up normally. I hung on tightly to my thighs and leaned slightly back while my brother and Lando watched, both of them freaking out and telling me to get the hell away from the edge.

Instead, I sat there for a few minutes admiring the view and trying to see down over the side between my feet. Then I turned to my brother and asked for the camera. I wanted to take a picture. He took a quick snapshot of me; the damning evidence that shows I'm leaning away from the edge in fear. Passing the camera over, he quickly backed away. I took the camera and experimented with the viewfinder to figure out what shot would do this view and this seat justice. I got a great photo looking down with my feet in the frame. Great shot! I passed the camera back and scrambled backwards away from the edge.

We sat around up there for over an hour. We snacked, smoked a couple of joints, and laid down on the top of the world. Watching the clouds go by we found ourselves pointing out faces and fantasy characters. Then we had to explain the formation because, inevitably, each of our imaginations saw different things. Eventually, huge black clouds rolling in over the mountain range promted us to get on our way. We didn't want to get caught in the storm. It would have been a slippery descent.

Once we were sure of the direction for our descent, my brother began racing. I'd be damned if I would let my little shit brother beat me to the bottom. We were running down the trail at breakneck speed, regardless of how steep and oblivious to all the rocks, tree roots, and other obstacles underfoot. On a number of occasions, each of us felt too much pressure on our ankles as we came close to twisting them. I think our speed and the need to move so quickly prevented us from any serious sprains.

At one point, I was dangerously close to losing all control. I had raced down very recklessly to catch and pass my little brother, John. Where he crisscrossed on the downward trail, I trail-blazed straight down! I had to literally jump down from boulders my own height, but also land safely among rocks and large gnarly tree roots while still having my forward momentum ready to hurl me over the next precipice. After passing him, I chose a difficult path with many very small stepping places among a twisted mess of tree roots which created a sort of stairway down a very steep and narrow section of trees.

Hitting this section at the speed I did, when I realized the danger ahead, I could not slow down. I could do nothing else; I was committed and downhill I raced. The reality of what would happen if I lost control hit me at that moment. Realizing that one trip would have my momentum fling me face-first down the mountain or into a tree caused an involuntary cringe. I would hit, maybe roll, but with a might big bounce continue my descent in a very ungraceful manner; legs flailing, arms twisting, or vice versa, landing on boulders, and the possibility of being paralysed. I concentrated very closely on each step which I took at breakneck speed. John and Lando were freaking out.

They thought for sure I would lose control. The thought was dismissed from my mind as soon as it entered; losing control was not an option. Step after step, as each foot touched the ground, it left it before the dust underfoot was disturbed. Everything seemed to be in slow motion as I concentrated and cleared my mind of all other thoughts. I saw everything and experienced everything, right down to the tiny puffs of dust that burst from the ground after each footfall. It was an exhilerating experience.

On our way down we stunned a number of people with our insanity. They had been watching our crazy descent and as we reached them we managed to slow down so we could pass safely. As we passed, they commented to us that we were "hardcore" running down the way we were; the way it felt, I guess you could say that’s true. We stopped at a stream on the way down and washed up a bit. We were sweaty, dusty, and grimy; worst of all, very thirsty.

The next day, I woke up to discover that I couldn’t walk for the most part. I was awkward, crippled, and insanely in pain. The legs suffered for the torture I had put them through and now I was paying the price. The worst part being that I had to walk down a steep hill that morning to meet up with a cute young lady for a lunch date. Oh God! How would I manage. Somehow, I did make it. Even so, the pain lasted for days.

Razor sharp
And icy steel
Slicing abdomens
As they are
Expelled
In a breath
Of singing fire
Power and glory
Thorny roses
Stuffed into the ears
Of the audience
Too quiet
They listen
In pain
Clenched teeth
Tightly
Teardrops rolling
Scarlet red
Thick and syrupy
“hit me,” I say, “hit me!”
and the torrential rains
of punishing vowels, consonants
intended to sever,
to separate,
a heart
with white glory
sunshine and dew
cool and crisp
those words continue
to cut away

Careful,

The beauty of the Rose

Entices you to grab

But a sharp prick

May cause you to bleed

Tonight,

Another thorn in your side

The wondrous beauty

Comes with warning

Of injury and pain

Like Love

It beholds such beauty

Creates an inner shine

But a careless attitude

A thorn in your side

I say, I see, I feel
Actions, words, and play
Good or bad, wrong or right
Uncertainty plays with me

The stillness of the mind is difficult to find as we run incessantly after the busyness that will hide what we have compromised in our heart for so long. Our spirit calls us forth to greater heights and the man-made rules of society drag us down, numbing us, feeding us drugs to keep us dumb lest we achieve too much, shaking the establishment and demonstrating the true power of human-kind.

Side-note: I read in the news sometime during the past three months that George Bush wants to introduce mandantory screening and drugging in North American schools for mental illness. Mental illness is the separation of spirit from the life you are meant to live. Do not compromise yourself!

Can you hide from it anymore?
Holier than he thou art?
I think not,    yet
You parade yourself
With false airs.

“Don’t look at me that way!”
you say
I say, “Why?
Aren’t thou thine friend?”

Oh, I did not know
Thou keeps us all apart
No one ever to come close
We must all keep a distance
For if too close we get
We know not what
These feelings are

Does no one know where
Their true heart lies?
Is it confusion in thine soul?
Has thine heart been so
Profoundly bled
By hurts and betrayals of others?

Dous thou not know tis human nature?
That thou also has caused betrayal?
Ah! I thinketh a connection has thou made
Thy knows thine own true nature
Assuming the nature to be true for thine brothers
Thou art suspect of all
For thou are suspect also

What is it with me
That I sit alone
Night after night

Meeting beautiful women
With brains and something
That shines in their eyes

A lucky man am I?
So much to say,    to think
About what
I know not
Til something gives
In to my foresight
Or alas too late
My hindsight

I feel I know not what
Nor wherefor
Deep down inside
Emotions too turbulent
To enjoy the ride
I see in me
So much to share
But too much to hold
So push it back
To hide
Deep down inside

But alas,
I try and try
To hold back and fight
But the strength I find
Welling up inside
Bursts forth
Disappointed with what
I see
I feel
I hear

Suffering of a city
Of a family
Now dead
Senselessness
All around
Confusion
Impatience
So much of each of us
Sacrificed
Left to die
In our own fight
To stay alive

Can anyone see?
A sense to it?
Any of it?
What it is?
Tis what?

Am I strange
Or are they
That walk in fear
Running
Looking
For somewhere to hide

Asleep I must be
For a nightmare
This seems
Not right it is
Or strange
It would not seem

Look at a neighbor
Across the street
Or seated in a car
Right next to you

They don’t look back
They only react
To the stress
Each day
As they lose their mind

Being alone
As I am
I see for sure
Everybody!
We need each other!

I felt something interesting
Something I don’t know
When a friend from afar
Had left for the night
Sadness entered my heart
That a kindling friendship
Ignited that night
Was not to continue
With the interactions
That accompanies personal contact
As two individuals
Whose thoughts and voices collide
Creating a feeding frenzy
Of constant hungering minds
A need to talk, to share, to feel
And let each other know
Who and what we are

Read the news today
Don’t know why
Knew it would be
All bad news
Is there any good?
How many others read
What has been written?
Do they feel like me?
The world is crying
The planet is dying
Each of us a speck
Trying to live a life
Our main concern
Our own existence
Our own survival
But what happens when
All hell breaks loose?
Shouldn’t we try to stop
The threat of our destruction?
What is your answer?

Boiling blood rages inside

Racing through my veins

As spasms of anger

Ripple through every muscle

Two days and two nights

Of solitary, cooped up inside

Please note that all material, unless otherwise indicated, is original material written by myself and is therefore copyright protected. I do share it freely through reading on this site, if you would like to copy or reprint anything, I am interested and you only need to ask.

:D

How do you know?
What speaks and who listens?
I do not know
And sometimes seem lost
Where am I going?
What will I be?
Who is it that will be mine?
Is that even what I want?
In my brain, screaming so loud
“I DON”T KNOW”!
This must be a journey
Seemingly without direction
Bouncing
From one realization to the next
Discovering bit by bit
And most likely by accident
What and who I am
But only for today
As tomorrow, I am unsatisfied
And must try again
To find the truth

Astonished humility
the ego swells
with divine attention
of female sensuality
batting eyes
a nervous laugh
becomes a giggle
can't stand still
as nervous tension
sexual by now
builds a flame
the heat spreads
flame to flame
standing still
eyes intense
soaking up the sun
a forceful power
penetrating by nature
the open flower
of warm compassion
welcomes a weary traveller
to find solace
in peaceful serenity
of spiritual connection
for growing passion
to unfold and blossom
in heated exchange
of total abandon

Written today in memory of ...

By Lee Down

Don't be so quick to judge! There is always a lot more going on than is discernable by the naked eye, let alone the faulty mind. Yes! The mind is faulty used on its own, left to its own devices. Too often we trust that which has caused so much trouble, trusting the knowledge of what is learned throughout our lives, whether experience gambled, lessons taught at school, or punishment avoided at home.

This trap we create causes more pain and suffering as the analytical seperates the heart issue that truly inspires the greater good and opportunity for future creation. The power of solution, meaningful application of the heart's desire to bring peace and truly serve in love, is lost in the analytical mind, particularly in its seat of judgement over the short-comings of others.

Where then, is the compassion for the painful souls wallowing in the sea of ignorance and despair? With a shift of perspective, you can see so much more than the minds analytical eye when you seek to see with the heart of spirit.

Refined ignorant masses of sexual beasts
Controlled existence to behave civilized
Locked in the prison of every mind
The fantasies of truth subverting lives
Questions of insanity always abound
Creating chaotic confusion in doubt
The facade growing heavier with time
Weight collapsing as cracks crumble
Unable to withstand the growing appetite
Left untended deep within the mind
The body agonized in unmet satisfaction
Suppressed too long trying to be civilized
The confusing array of fantasy imagination
Bubbles forth in the stormy sea of emotion
To yell, scream the agony, esctasy frustrated
Unravelled tonight the beast prowls daylight
Sniffing the hunt with an appraising eye
For the delicacies and morsels of pure delight
Who parade their charms in mock innocence
Twitering and skittering as if in dismay
Eyes dancing with mischevious twinkling
Their rawness need is waiting to be filled
With the monster of penetrating power
To impregnate the seed of creations truth
We swallow our identity in civilized horror

Can someone ease my pain
the sadness of despair
knowing I remain

Alone again

For how long I must wait
I don't understand it
It's hard to hate

Alone again

The mind takes lonely's place
In company are thoughts
Bringing a new face

Alone again

Wishing, hoping, waiting, wanting
there is more to live
not just this haunting

Alone again

Living inside my own mind
Being the friendly guy
Until one day I find

Alone again

I don't know why, don't know why
It's just the way of it
And I stare at the sky

Alone again

Until one day another tease
She'll walk this way
and say, "Please?"

Alone again

I'll wait and wonder afraid to move
Eyes discriminating
For her to prove

Alone again

Dammitall, I don't get it right
Sitting alone
Not too bright

Alone again

Crying quietly deep inside
I wish I could
Just run and hide

Alone again

I close my eyes and close my mind to the reality we have come to accept. I enter the state of Being; a state of feeling / sensing a void and energy. The energy that I am and am a part of.

Relaxing into this new reality of quantum physics, allowing my sensors to experience existence on an energetic level, I become infused with the knowing of connection to a source of existence beyond my self-identity.  I am a part of it, it is a part of me.

I am no longer a fish alone in a big sea, I am now part of that big sea; I am that big sea. The big sea is there for me, to protect and support me as I place my intention on being supported in my life, goals, and circumstances.

I imagine my day yet to be created, thereby forming the building blocks for a new reality not yet manifested on the physical plane, accepting the support of the universe to co-create my life purpose.

The connection infuses the body with increased levels of energy, increased levels of sensitivity, and increased awareness. The openness prepares my mind to embrace the coincidental encounters of the day, yielding new opportunities for my benefit.

The sensitivity experienced, translates to a bodily sense of sensuality and eroticism; strange but true. Until I began increasing my sensitivity to the spiritual through meditation, I would have laughed. I now encourage you to bring this richness to your life.

A young child emerges from the shadows of the man’s soul. Standing before me, smiling, he reaches out with is hand. His welcome invites and I place my hand in his. Upon contact, I sense tremendous peace and warmth to know who I am.

The child’s body is surrounded by an unusual light, one of golden purity with a tinge of greenish copper. The light seems strongest at the centre of his chest. An abundance of love and security is embraced by my soul and my spirit returns the compliment.

We walk together, side-by-side, hand-in-hand, toward a glowing blue-ish silver window. Reaching the window we are greeted by angelic creatures tending to masterfully crafted doors made from glass and inlaid silver. Smiling warmly, the angelic creatures usher us through the gates into a paradise of love and beauty that I have never seen before.

In awe, I stand six feet inside the entrance, my body and senses so overwhelmed I have entered a state of shock. Sensations ripple through every fibre of my being; I almost feel this sensation far exceeding my ability to withstand, so intense and overpowering, more than the most powerful whole-body sexual orgasm. My mind numbed, I probably stood fixed to that spot for about eight minutes before I could move again.

With my senses slowly returning, my body has adjusted to the spiritual awareness that had almost overloaded my physical beings electrical system. Still holding the child’s hand, we begin to walk again. As we walk on, the vision of what I had seen seems to be slowly evaporating.

All of a sudden, feet still moving, I feel as though I am in a coma of some sort. How could I possibly be continuing in any forward motion when all I can see is black? I can’t see or feel anything. Wait! There is one weird sensation. My hand, it's alive with electricty that courses up my arm; I can feel someone holding my hand. I reach out with my free hand and can’t seem to find anyone there. The feeling is unmistakable too; there is someone holding my hand.

As my panic subsides, rational thought slows down and I begin to listen to my heart again. Ah, a revelation; I remember the child. Although I can’t see where I am going on this part of my journey, I am still being guided by an inner wisdom sustained by the connection made with the golden child. He is still here with me, helping me, and always with unconditional love of self, knowing that I am good.

Now I continue my journey, feeling the warmth, love and security my discovery has led me to. The security has allowed me to admit that I do not know where I am going, only where I am. Each moment counts and knowing this, I focus on each moment, treasuring it, owning it, by doing the best I can to make a positive impact on those lives that are touched by mine. I also know that I will make mistakes along the way, always learning from them, and can forgive myself for my errors. I know that each step of the journey now will reveal, bit-by-bit, the vision for my life, if I keep my heart and mind open.

The Fool comes out to play
With wisdom, fun, and light
To poke the serious mind
With the folly that is life
Taken too seriously the trap
Of caged creativity denied
Released with laughter delight
Truth hidden in plain sight
Witness the muse released again
Bestowing riches through life
Free and playful engaging hearts
Prison doors collapse in freedom
With peals of laughter, mirth and power
Spirits dance freely with melancholy souls
Able to rejoice in the pain and suffering
Knowing the truth of a life well-lived
To risk and play with choices made
Discovering the way of a truthful path
Climbing the mountain to summit's peak
To bask in glory of life's landscape
The Fool rises again.

Written this morning over coffee. Happy April Fool's Day! :)

Think and think and think
and get caught in your mind
trapped with the fear of choice
right or wrong how do you know
without trusting the bodily emotion
that feels the truth resonated
in being the creator of your future
just let it go, let it go, the freedom
yours to discover with failure
success will shortly follow
each new turn leads the way
closer to the heart beating
strongly inside your own being
Being with One the Source of Life
a flower never questions the way
leaning this way and that way
growing toward the moving sun
around obstacles fallen in path
life represents no different law
upward you go or choose certain death
to live in hell on earth with despair
over frozen action full of fear
instead push-up moving always forward
towards the heated sun that inspires
energy moving quickly in synergy
with your Being alive in adventure
choosing life, not the mind-trap

I woke up disoriented wondering why I was looking at my living room ceiling. It is weird waking up in your own home sleeping on couch cushions laid out on the floor. I had been here for a few days now. Now I have to face the reality once again; she wants to leave me.

A few days earlier, I was sitting in the therapist’s office being asked if I wanted to save my marriage. Of course I did! It seemed a silly question to ask. The pit of my stomach felt like I was standing on the edge of a very deep abyss ready to descend into a living hell.

“Okay,” she said, “go out and get your wife and let me speak with her. We’ll send for you in about 10 minutes.”

“Alright,” I said, getting up and heading for the office door. My stomach was a knotted mess, fearful of the confrontation that seemed to loom in front of me.

It was a short walk down the hall, crisp, clean, and professional offices, to the waiting area. There sat my wife, waiting expectantly. I could only imagine what was going on inside her. She seemed so calm, so together.

I greeted her with my gentle smile and told her the therapist would speak with her first, giving her an opportunity to speak freely without any pressure or influence with my presence. She got up, I squeezed her hand, and she left; me watching her go down the hall as I sat down on the hard chair in the waiting room. I felt afraid for my life; so many dreams of a future that might come crashing down around me at any minute. Why didn’t I feel optimistic? The pain inside seemed to already know the truth.

I waited, I guess for 10 minutes, for what seemed like eternity, as my mind replayed so many memories of the year and a half I had spent with this woman I had fallen in love with. I could feel my heart pounding, my breath shallow, and my body tensed, anticipating. Anticipating what, I did not know. Horror films are much tamer than this roller-coaster. Trying to distract myself from my fear and thoughts, I looked about the small waiting-room. Not much to look at.

I couldn’t even concentrate on reading so I just looked at the stack of magazines, not even reaching over to examine them for something interesting. There was a bulletin board behind my head, I glanced back to see what insight was posted to deserve such an obvious place of observation. What a curious place to put a bulletin board; nothing hopeful there. Finally, my eyes found rest, along with my mind, looking at a large framed photograph hung on the wall. An old country lane unevenly meandered in a semi-straight line down a hill off into the distant fields. It seemed to take me with it for a while as I waited. Even in that moment, the immediacy of my life called me back to reality.

The office door opened and Shawna, the therapist, asked me to come in. I walked down the hall again, swallowing hard, sucking in a breath, hoping for the best. I’m trembling and neither of them even knows it.

As I entered the office, my wife, Taylor, was seated in my customary place on the flowery couch. I sat down beside her, taking her hand in mine, thinking I was reassuring her. In fact, I was reaching out to hang onto something I felt slipping away from my world. I needed the reassurance. I looked to Shawna as she sat back on her colonial cushioned chair, feet back onto her cushioned footstool, all elegantly positioned in an effort to create comfort. I was ready to have her lead us back to what I hoped would be a happier, healthier marriage.

I wish I could remember exactly what happened but I can’t. All I remember is my fear of being raked over the coals for being a lousy husband. I’d be told what I needed to do to be a more generous and loving husband. Instead, I was stunned when Shawna took Taylor to task.

Shawna described marriage as a game of tennis; the game played best when both teams fully participate, taking care of their end of the court. She described what happens when one person plays too far back, allowing the opponent to encroach on the net. What came next absolutely astonished me.

“Taylor,” she said, “you’re not even in the game. You’re so far out of bounds that you’ve got Lee playing both sides of the net. It’s exhausting him and you need to get in the game; take some of the load off of him.”

I looked at Taylor and saw shock. I felt horrible for her and a twinge of guilt rippled through. “What could I have done to prevent this?” I thought. I was aghast, empty, ashamed, and on the inside, I was in tears and yet, joyful and hopeful. Swallowing hard, I waited to discover what was next.

“Taylor, what do you need to get back into the game?” Shawna asked. “What will enable you to participate more fully in this marriage?”

I looked over at Taylor again, waiting, breath held, as the moment’s silence dragged into eternity. She looked at me quickly, then down at the ground, apparently deep in thought. She looked up at Shawna and I heard her say, “I think I need to leave – to move out.”

I exhaled loudly as my jaw dropped and my heart exploded. Did I hear that right? Could there be some misunderstanding? I waited, again in my life, wondering when someone would burst out laughing, declaring a practical joke. I don’t even remember exactly what was said next. Shawna said or asked something and again I hear Taylor explain that she thought it would be a good idea for her to leave. I slowly came back to reality as Taylor looked over at me, sadness, or relief, or a combination of both in her eyes.

“Will you let me go?” she asked.

I was stunned further, confused by this question and her intention. Is this some kind of test, a game? Was she actually asking for my blessing? I sat silently for a minute or two, my jaw working furiously, my head swollen with thoughts and emotions boiling up, frantically searching for words that could salvage this moment.

“Do you realize,” I inquired, “that statistics are against our marriage when a couple separates?”

And here I was, waking up Sunday morning on my living room floor, still trying to come to terms with this unbearable reality. She was still asleep in the bedroom as I lay there, the cat snuggled between my legs as the tears trickled down my face, my throat swollen shut, and my life crashing down around me. Thoughts of the last few days, the futile and endless conversations, attempting to repair the damage done, raced through my mind. What do I do? I was frantic, realizing slowly that no mater what I did, I could not force her to be happy. Gradually, as I entertained so many futile and potentially hazardous possibilities, I was letting go.

I don’t even remember how this day unfolded; I only remember how it ended. The time came when a switch was flipped and I had released my heart’s hold on her. It was then that I told her she could leave. Just as suddenly, she changed her mind. I was incredulous! This reeked of manipulation and control. Thursday asking to leave and after 4 days and 3 nights of torture trying to come to terms with her request, as I let go, she changes her mind!? I couldn’t comprehend this game and adamantly said, “NO! I am not some emotional Yo-Yo for you to play games with!”

And then, like the idiot that I am, or emotional yo-yo, I offered to keep the door open should she choose to return at a later date. This turned out to be an even bigger undoing for my emotional and mental health over the course of the next year.

------------------------

This is a story based upon true events. Names have been changed to protect characters.

Had a thought today: What good is it to be a prude? I really can't help but to ask such a question. Let's examine this word, this character; the prude.

Definition of prude is: excessively (often affectedly) squeamish or sexually modest person.

Hmm, not a very promising existence. So much of our society has stifled our sexuality and all the pleasures, responsibilities, hurts and all, that it's no wonder we're so dysfunctional and at the throats of the oposite sex, not to mention fundamental relgion versus those who rely heaviliy on the forgiveness of sin. I wonder how much healthier we might be if we understood and embraced our sexuality, desires, and differences.

The Differences

The unique and complimentary forces within each individual, between the opposite sex, and different cultures. The honor and respect given to the difference of the other, the more honor and respect we also give to ourselves. I'ts important to note those two words, honor and respect, because those two words are the way you behave and allow you to question established belief systems that fail to honor and respect individual health and freedom.

How much happier, healthy, and stable could we feel with our own identity? No longer in crisis we find our place and power in relationship with our self, our partner, our colleagues, but also community. As we afford more honor and respect to unique identities, their differences, the easier it is for us to find that comfortable identity in community and see one's own value. To value yourself is the greatest gift you have to give to the world. Imagaine what you would accomplish.

Desires

Where the fantasy lives. Our minds are highly creative, creating storylines, beliefs, and images. We've all seen so much in the media, the theatre, and news that has been distorted into some grotesque to exquisite state. The power of association, with standards for each image that we have labeled them black or white. We've created such a heavy burden on our creative thoughts that we fail to bring these thoughts to powerful use by teaching growing people in the positive power of a responsible expression of their sexuality, including the fantasy life. These are aspects of who we are as human-beings.

The foundation of humans is language; our ability to communicate. That means to listen, really hear, and speak with curiosity rather than judgement. Our curiousity is not just for the benefit of learning about the other, but also for you to learn about you. Increased self-awareness brings learning and understanding of oneself. This is valuable in its application to real situations. You would be more empowered daily. Oh, but the power our civilized culture could then realize as these expressions, created through responsible and powerful comunication skills, would bring us closer together.

The more we lie to ourselves, the more we deny ourselves, the more we judge ourselves, and the more walls we build up. These walls also separate us from one another. So what would it take?

Sexuality

You can see as this has been written, it has evolved into the truth that our sexual health is an important element long overdue in its need for freedom to be realized. There are such extremes of behavior and such extremes of judgement, it shocks me that we act so surprised with the state of our world health and communities. Where is all the aggression coming from? What has been suppressed?

Being a man comes with certain power and responsibility. Being a woman also comes with equal power and responsibility. They need to look different between man and woman. This implies each couple may look different than another couple. It does not even assume that this applies to heterosexuality. The essence of the arrangement is the acknowledgement of the first two principles. This includes communication, understanding differences, non-judgement, sexual fulfillment, and active responsible fantasy life; all of these things creating a well-rounded, vibrant, confidant, and decisive member of our world.  Gives me goosebumps; don't you?

In Summary

With healtheir identities, honest non-judgement communication, and great sex and fantasy life, our inter-personal relationships would improve. This would naturally progress to an outward ripple improving family health, stronger communities, and I would suspect world relations.

We need to educate our young, be more honest (most likely more to ourselves), demonstrate responsible behaviour, accountable for our choices, and show how healthy we are as sexual human-beings. Our children would grow-up, still with much freedom, as responsible, knowledgeable, and wiser adults making smart personal choices. What more could a parent ask for?

All of this may sound idealistic, and while I may say, "yeah, I can see how that sounds. I feel idealistic sometimes too. My cynic always yelling in the background. As you've had, I have experienced enough positive in many situations, opposite of those times when all hell was breaking loose." So what are we really hiding?

_____________________________________________

So let's hear what else people believe.

Trolls are eradicated - keep it nice! :)

Everyday, getting smaller and smaller
Hearing the screams of pain and agony
The suffering continues
As mankind evolves
But into what?
Atrocities and virtue collide
In a constant battle
As two bighorn sheep
Dueling it out on mountaintop
A thundering crash on impact
Sending a shiver down the spine of society
Trying to make a better place
Will good overcome evil
Or will a blind eye be turned?
Ignoring the crimes committed
Against helpless people
Nuclear fallout, civil wars and terrorism
Destroying a fragile web
The spider must rebuild again and again

Yawn, stretch
Eyes blinking slowly
The fog lifts
Consciousness returns
As a new day begins
Daylight creeping in
Darkness, ever present
Withdraws into the corners
Standing tall
Return to life
Focused on the light

Facing her, he feels a need
A need to be closer, inside
The intimate act of love
Draws him to her
As a moth to a flame
A gentle touch spreading
The warmth of contact
Creating a sense of well-being

Wow! Is all I can think to say; I have fans! That's a nice compliment and I really do appreciate it. I noticed this morning that "inner call" to "write something". Ew, is this going to become a burden? I wondered. I'm smiling of course as I wonder. After all, having people appreciate what words you put to paper is wonderful inspiration and also a great validation that writing can be entertained as more than a hobby. So what will I write?

Well, I just don't know. I just woke up, I need a shower and a good hearty breakfast. I'll bring my notebook with me, find a nice comfortable place to sit, maybe with a coffee, maybe not, and I'll take in my surroundings. I'll watch people, the landscape, the weather, and I'll drift along, not really thinking, allowing my creative thoughts to chatter away until something begins to roll around repetitively. Usually, that is when my subconscious stumbles upon something with some promise.

So, check back again, I'll probably have some juicy tidbits to add to my blog later in the day. In the meantime, I better get up and head for the shower. Sitting naked in front of my computer I realize that it's getting kind of cold.

Before you panic
I'm not a creep
Just climbed outta bed.

Instead of creep 
Just a geek,
Computer freak.

Need my fix,
Internet access
Email me now!@

Click and save
Spam delete
The day complete

An email account
Blog post galore
A forum hound.

I can't wait
To get online
Or I'll fall way too far

Behind!

Where I sat this morning on just around the corner of Denman and Davie. This is just directly across the street towards English Bay. The lounge I was at last night is just a couple doors over from where I'm sitting at a coffee shop. No inspiration to write while there but I was intrigued with other photo features of my camera. Here's the first using the full color normal photography mode. Beautiful rainy day overlooking part of the inland ocean.

The second image using a cyancolor image mode. It's interesting the effect and of course the day looks colder than it is.

This third image is using a sepia colour image mode. Much warmer, it still looks a bit rainy but with a filtered sunlight. I love the texture.

The lounge I visited last night with my date. Great little place on the edge of English Bay, a beautiful blossoming tree just outside the round room, with us sitting on a couch against the window, the bar out in front of us. This is a segment of the bar from where we sat.

Okay, so we had a few glasses of wine, so shoot me! ;)

We're engaged in the middle of a conversation about taking pictures. She asked if I would write about her, she's seen my blog. I don't know her well enough yet, but now she'll be famous anyway. :D The question is, will she want to kill me?

I still think this is the best photo of the two of us.

She was very critical of herself, some people hate their photos being taken, but I played with some of the color options, trying to get a better low-light photo. I also had her try a few different poses as opposed to looking into the camera and being self-conscious. These are two shots that I like in particular.

This is when I asked her to look down at the seat cushion. I was curious the effect and mood this would create. I like it.

So that's been my evening and my day so far. Life's not so bad.

I was thrust into the world at the age of 17, my Dad insisting I join the military. After years of obedience, I felt I didn’t have any choice but to obey and off I went. The feelings of leaving home, being scared, doing something I didn’t want to do, had left me paralysed in my seat. The plane took off and I knew I would not be coming back for a very long time.

I don’t remember anyone else on the plane, only that I wasn’t alone. So I sat there, feeling sad, feeling pity, for the plight I found myself in. Like the children, sitting alone on the bus, I kept my eyes fixed on the landscape below as we flew east. I didn’t know about anything.

I didn’t know when I would arrive in boot camp. I didn’t know where I’d sleep tonight. I didn’t know if I would fit in. all I knew is uncertainty, fear, frustration, sadness, and anger.

That night, the flight was held over in Ottawa due to a mechanical problem. The military put us up in a hotel for the night. I wasn’t the only recruit on this flight so all of a sudden, a bunch of us who were heading to the same place, started bonding. We sang songs, cracked jokes, and spared no vulgarity. This camaraderie, the same as that which I saw riding the bus, sheltered me from the pain I felt and the fears I had.

In this spirit, I made it through boot camp. I was physically fit, knew about following orders since I’d grown up in that atmosphere, and had a few friends who were going to the same place I was. So I did my three years of obligatory service, during which time I had met my now ex-wife, got out of the military, and found a real job with a crown corporation in Ottawa working in the Information Technology field. That ten year career became my university education.

I remember getting that job too. It was at Canada Post Head Office. Simple really. All I had to do was sit at a keyboard terminal and type information into the ocmputer all day. Funny thing though, by this time I was still only 21, had served 3 years of military service, and still, I felt like a child.

When I first wrote this, at the age of 32, I had just moved to the West Coast from Ottawa after quitting that job and that 10 year career. You would think that it gets easier to find your way successfully through life, but it doesn’t necessarily happen that way. But I do what I’ve always done; I go out to answer some of my questions only to find more, but in taking action, I find some peace and plenty of adventure.

Thoughts on religion: Words in the bible reflect

And God said “Let us make man in the image of our kind.”

God and his kind, for which we are fashioned after; they’re all watching over us and after creating the earth and all the living creatures upon it, I can hear them saying,

“Look what they’ve done to the place. It looks worse and worse everyday. If there is much more of this, we’re going to have to put a stop it!”

Look out! Is it coming?

Here I am
Sitting alone and pondering
What about I do not know
I can just feel it
The big question mark
Following me around

Endless chattering
gaggling geese
a dull roar
envelopes the air
with good cheer

Faces break
the stone away
with merry chant
and throaty cackle
hearts are lifted
at every table

Warm welcome
eyes contact
broad smiles
proudly displayed
loyal attendants
tend appetites
for spirits, food
and fun.

I had posted this poem before but with spring in the air I feel the urge to share it once more.

Before You Go Please

Wake me up before you go please
Stroke my head gently and easily
I’ll stir slowly coming awake
Gimme a kiss before you go please
I wanna taste your honey sweetness
A beautiful flower all sticky and sweet
Gimme a taste before you go please
The gentle caress and salty kiss
Tasting honey before moving on top
Aroused and awake eyes full of you
Gimme some before you go please
Soft wet flesh salty sweet
My tongue caresses your love petals
I want you before you go please
A shiver of ecstacy, exquisite delight
Your lips wrap me up oh so tight
Throbbing, quivering, Oh my God
Waves of pleasure wash all over me
Let us join before you go please
Mouths watering and sweetly wet
Tongues and lips tasting each other
Shifting hips, legs all scrambling
Gliding inside slowly and easily
Oh so wet before you go please
Filling you inside you surround me
All hot slippery and juicy wet
Each thrust slow deliberate and controlled
Allowing pleasure to completely take hold
Release me before you go please
Arm in arm, lips to lips
Tongues entwined and hip to hip
Thrusting in unison we continue to climb
The sensation surrounds completely around
Head to toe and top to bottom
Back to back and front to front
Tingling, shivering and quivering
I’m undone by you as you scream
Hug me tight before you go please

by Lee Down, 1997




all material is copyright protected throughout the blog.

“Does anyone know what they’re doing?” asked Jolene.

“How could they? I mean take a look at the way things are,” Pete answered, “we’re all running around like a bunch of fools trying to fit in.”

Jolene scratched her chin, eyebrows furrowed into a contemplative frown as she ruminated what Pete had said. She shrugged, uncertain, and replied more as a statement than a question, “So we’re all up shit-creek without a paddle?”

“I’m afraid so,” Pete said nonchalantly.

Pete had long since stopped caring. He’d spent so many years chasing truth only to discover that there was nothing left to be gained. It was as if one day he woke up realizing that he’d be nothing special in this world so why bother trying? Just then, Sam, walked in the room.

“Hi all.”

Jolene looked up, “Hi Sam.”

Pete, without so much as a look, said, “Hey.”

Sam sat down with his coffee and looked at the two somber faces. Sipping his coffee, timidly as if it would scorch his lips, looked at Jolene thoughtfully. He noticed Jolene in deep thought, eyes questioning, and lines along her forehead.

“What’s so serious?” asked Sam.

“Just the state of society today,” replied Pete nonchalantly.

“Oh?”

“Yeah,” answered Jolene, “I want more out of life and can’t seem to get anywhere. I keep running up against the same roadblocks. Every time I want to pursue something that has more interest and meaning for me, something seems to interfere with getting it. It’s as if the entire universe is conspiring against me.”

“What do you believe is behind it?” asked Sam.

“Well, that’s what Pete and I were talking about. He says we’re doomed because we’ve been programmed into believing that this is all there is. We’ve all got to conform and fit in to the machine to keep things moving forward. We have no purpose other than to perpetuate an economic machine for the purposes of …. Well, I still don’t know what and Pete’s answer didn’t help much.”

“What was that Pete?”

“Oh, just that those who have will continue to have and those who don’t will continue to not have. You know? The powerful few manipulate the government. We see it through lobbying, irresponsible corporate behavior, and we watch the cost-of-living increase and pay-raises decrease. It just leaves the average Joe wondering what’s in it for him. I mean, I’ve heard many people say that we can achieve anything we want; that equal opportunity is there for all. I know it sounds nice but take a look. How many kids who are raised in poverty will ever find the right mix of circumstances that will radically change their lives? Most of them will be lucky to get out of their neighborhoods alive.”

“Hmmm,” was all Sam said, Sam knew better than to argue with Pete’s logic. Sam also knew that there was another truth. He also knew how long it took him to discover it and how hard it was to alter his own consciousness to accommodate this new truth.

“I just don’t like it,” stated Jolene. She looked up at Sam and asked, “You’ve gone down this road and you made changes. How did you do it?”

“It wasn’t easy. I started reading and studying a lot of self-help books and seeking out religion. That kind of sabotaged the whole journey but I think it was important to learn from that experience anyway. There is nothing outside of you that will come without the active collaboration of that which is inside you. We’re so connected to the universe and the power and energy of the universe that we have to embody the beliefs, thoughts, and actions to see the result.”

“Geez, that sounds so cryptic!” complained Jolene.

“It is,” said Sam, “because it’s a way of existing that isn’t a part of our western fabric anymore, if it ever was. We mistake religion for spirituality and we mistake God as a separate entity outside of ourselves rather than the fact that He and the rest of creation are part of the same energetic force. It’s all written there in plain sight but it’s been so massaged by ‘higher learning’ and political forces seeking power over the centuries that the truth has been obscured.”

“Haves and have-nots,” stated Pete.

Look at our society, our culture
And tell me what is wrong
Young people are stressed
Beyond belief living
With fear and uncertainty
About their future unkown
Hate and distrust many hearts
They're struggling to survive
Nails chewed down to quick
Wonder what it would take
To settle their heartache
Something has gone missing
From slower days passed
Tell me there is nothing wrong
I'll say you're asleep at the wheel
Today’s children parade their attitudes
Marching on the backs of our unborn
Scared for the future, what will be
No change seen today, death tomorrow

I zipped up my coat, arranged by cell microphone, and grabbed my bag. Slinging it over my shoulder, I checked myself in the mirror and felt the chill of the rainy weather seep into my scalp and looked for my toque. Noticing it wasn’t on the dresser, I checked my coat pocket and finding it carefully pulled it down over my head. One final look in the mirror and I was ready to go. As I walked out the door, I grabbed my umbrella.

Walking down the street, hunched up against the cold with the umbrella snug down to my head, I slowly walked past my favorite yard. The flowers, shrubs, and greenery were everywhere and I felt a positive energy wash over me as the pleasantness of the yard was enjoyed. Strange how such a simple thing could please me. I continued around the corner and up the steep hill. Rarely looking up, I powered my strides up the steep incline getting a mild workout; it’s about all I do for exercise anymore.

Stepping around the corner at Davie and Bute, I hopped inside Mac’s convenience store for a pack of cigarettes.

“Matinee Silver,” I said.

He grabbed the pack, scanned it and I handed my bank card over.

“Will there be anything else?” he asked.

“No thanks, that’s it.”

He swiped the card, punched numbers into the machine and handed it to me. I quickly punched in my PIN and started shoveling my wallet and cigarettes into different jacket pockets. I turned and on my way out noticed the elderly couple sitting at a table in the corner. She was eyeballing me, or so I thought and stepped out onto the street. Flinging my umbrella wide-open again, I started down the street looking for a place to eat.

I debated stopping at Moxie’s as I went down the street. I forgot to get Bronwyn’s commitment for a coffee date before leaving yesterday. I really liked something about her and couldn’t wait to find out what it was. Quickly, I ducked in the door and spoke to the hostess.

“Is Bronwyn working tonight?”

“No, she’s off today,” the hostess answered.

“Okay, no problem. I saw her yesterday and forgot to give her a message.”

“She’ll be back tomorrow afternoon; if you want,”

“Great, thanks!” and I walked back out into the rain.

I continued down the street, getting caught at a red light, hunched against the cold, barely noticing the people around me. Everyone was rushing and huddling against the cold wet weather. As the light turned green I crossed the street in front of Starbucks and headed back towards Granville. A gay man stared intently at me. After living in the middle of the gay community for just under a year now, I’m fairly certain when I’m stared at whether they’re gay. They have a stare that attempts to penetrate and establish eye-contact; letting you know in no uncertain terms that they want to fuck you. I shudder, turn my head in the direction I’m headed and keep walking.

Walking into a restaurant I favor, I collapsed the umbrella, looked up and saw Michelle. She jumped up and rushed over to share her exciting news.

“I met with that guy today and he told me that you went on and on and on about me. Thank-you so much! It was awesome. He said that he had listened to some of my tracks and he paid me the best compliment. You know what it was?”

I shrugged, not knowing what he had said and she went on, “He said listening to one of my tracks was like listening to a cross between Ella Fitzgerald and Annie Lennox.” Michelle did a little jump with joy as she continued, “I couldn’t believe it. They’re my two favorite artists.”

I smiled, happy for her and already knowing that Morgan was happy with having met Michelle.

“Thank-you so much Lee,” Michelle said once again.

“You’re welcome! I got an email from Morgan today mentioning he’d had coffee with you. He said he was really happy to have met you so it sounds like a good opportunity.”

“Grab a seat wherever you’d like,” she said as I stepped further into the restaurant. I ventured toward the corner, Michelle’s husband, Nelson, seated at an adjoining table.

“Hello? Can anyone hear me? I’m here, can you see me?“

I waited. Silence returned. Not wanting to panic, I decided to wait a bit longer. Still, silence, no movement, and I began to feel the anxiety swell up. I looked intently around me hoping to see; something, anything. The tiniest movement or acknowledgement would have been so welcome, but nothing came.

This made no sense to me. I see them, they’re sitting there, engaged in their own little worlds but they don’t seem to know that I’m here. I turned around, quickly at first to look in the opposite direction. Then, dissatisfied, I turned slowly, taking in the view 360° around me. Every direction I looked I could see people, some just mere meters away. In exasperation I sat down.

Cross-legged with my chin in my hands, I scowled and looked about in front of me. I was chewing my lip now and I my forehead was furrowed in a deep frown. Different thoughts raced through my mind as I wondered at this strange situation. Am I asleep and just having a weird dream? Thinking about it, I dismissed it figuring a dream would metamoph much sooner than this. Hmm, what next?

Walking around through life today
Looking for a life that brings meaning
I'm watching people and wondering
Why does it seem we're all play acting

I'm led to believe it's all a game
Dressed up images and plastic smiles
A mask of confidence to brave the world
Finding fulfillment in the emptiness

Returning home to a small cocoon
Private inner world to create sanity
Obsessed with pets and mindless TV
Living vicariously dreams of adventure

Hiding away behind the confident mask
They're pretending to be fully alive
But I see a fear behind their eyes
When I give them my smile of freedom

What are they hiding, what's the fear
That keeps them living smaller lives
Keeping them down and all alone
Communities cracked from disconnect

In the city so big pockets collapse
As people move offline from reality
Virtual communities and relationships
Sitting alone in front of their computer

There is nobody warm and caring
To laugh and cry in complete humility
Cynical existence replaced authenticity
Hidden and protected behind the screen

Who am I now, what is missing
The void inside screams all the while
To feel another presence connected deeply
To know I am here and really alive

**** this is just an observation of conversations and relationships to which I've been privy.

I came to see you this rainy day
Wanting to invite you to come out and play
Walked in the door and asked for a seat
Until I saw you my heart never missed a beat
And when I saw you my heart skipped a beat

Now I sit here wondering what I have to do
To be the lucky man to spend some time with you
Instead I behave the flustery fool
No matter what I do I can't keep cool
No matter how hard I try I'm so not cool

You probably look at me and think what a weirdo
But I work up my courage and say "here we go"
I lay it on the line and make the invite
My heart has stopped, my breath held tight
I wait for an answer with breath held tight

copyright protected 2005

Had some sad memories of emotion as I went for dinner, pondering my relationship woes of the past few years... brought up the following and I'm not sure where to go with it...

You say you want to know me
but I don't know really why
With my passion running deeply
I'm chasing after the sky

We end up getting married
It works okay for awhile
Then you want to be carried
Giving me a tired smile

My heart has become heavy
You don't wanna be my wife
Cause I want to fly Baby
And you want a different life

I wanna go higher
cuz I'm on fire
don't wanna survive
I wanna be ALIVE

I got this link from bmrichie and it's absolutely freakin brilliant viewing.

Real Life vs. Internet

You say you want to know me
but I don't know really why
With my passion running deeply
I'm chasing after the sky

We end up getting married
It works okay for awhile
Then you want to be carried
Giving me a tired smile

My heart has become heavy
You don't wanna be my wife
Cause I want to fly Baby
And you want a different life

I won't live on the surface Baby
I want to go deeper inside
Don't even think of saying maybe
Because there you can still hide

It's now or never sweetheart
And you ask me to let you go
Saying good-bye is the hard part
And my heart takes the big blow

added a couple more stanzas today... not sure if it's done yet or not. :)

I'm off to another day of training and this after a night out at a comic show - a friend Headlined and is recording a new CD - **terrible website but comics are webdesigners eh... :)

Check him out, Richard Lett - insensitive bastard really. :p  With oodles of poor taste that has you splitting your side pretty damned quick.

It was a very funny show.

There is a sadness in my heart today
It's heavy, hard, and ready to break
"It will be freedom," I'd like to say
A life to live I would like to take

Standing tall and unafraid
People taking issue as they want
No change in me as a band-aid
Cause who I am is not a taunt

I am a man living in heat
Sex and life feed my creativity
If you don't like it take a seat
It's all you can do to let me be me

I know I am human in all it entails
The dark and light of humanity
Exist in me within all the details
All of life's coarseness embraced by me

eee... not sure about this one.

Don't take short-cuts through green areas, lawns, or parks in the dark; you can't see the dog-shit.

In case you're wondering, the answer is no, I did not step in any; I just remembered this skill as I contemplated taking a short-cut. :)

Yesterday was an unusual day. It wasn't altogether spectalur beyond any other day, it was just different. It was a day with sunshine, rain, even something trying to be snow! While everything seemed the same, fairly typical in many respects, there was a difference, an edginess. It wasn't a bad vibe either. On the contrary, it was a rather exciting vibe, and I just knew.

I knew this was a turning point in life, when everything takes on a new meaning, a new direction, and a new strength. I felt the positive energy promising good things to come. It was as if I could see the sprawling landscape of my future. It included a beautiful home in a countryside setting, much like you'd expect to see in cottage country, the difference here was the house.

The house was a beautiful, semi-modern, semi-country, designed home with big beautiful windows to take in the breathtaking greenery ecompassing the house. Big beautiful trees were interspersed around the acreage surrounded by a lush sea of green lawn. A pond, creek, and waterfall feature were just off to one side out back and the back edge of the property swept away on the edge of an inland lake inhabited by a variety of local sports fish. A fire-pit and open-flame bbq sits up near the edge of the beach and a large cedar desk is a mere 10 feet away. On the deck are two family size deck tables with chairs and plush cushioning underneath a canopy of lush green vines and flowers. Umbrellas stand at the ready in the corners in the event of rain.

I also noticed I was playing with my future child, a son I believe, in the front yard that was big enough to build another three large family homes in the suburbs. We kept a sandbox and outdoor playtoys, including a swing-set and a tire. The front yard arrangement allowed easier visits from friends dropping by on a casual day at home.

The only drawback to my vision of my future is the inability to see my future wife. Does this mean I haven't met her yet? Or is it a mechanism of our spirit keeping us present to better enjoy these moments as they unfold? I could imagine life becoming rather dull if you knew all the time what would happen to you. But here I go, off on another tangent again. I'll leave it at this for now. :)

I like words, I like to talk, I like connecting to people, I like being the center of attention; so why do I spend so much time cooped up at home?

Well, I shouldn't be too hard on myself. This week has been one preoccupied with moving and I'm now in the new place with most of my stuff. So much work still left to do. The place is in a disarray as I continue to try and organize the debris scattered around the apartment after the move. Some of my furniture and belongings are still in a storage locker that I'd like to close up by the end of the month. My cat was a freak the first day but he's settled in nicely now.

I just wish I could wiggle my nose, nod my head, and everything would magically find it's place. This sorting through, filing, discarding, organizing, and putting away is not my strong suit. Not at this level anyway. Even now, I procrastinate online with a small diversion, snooping around Mindsay to see what has been happening. Then I glance up, see my desk in shambles, the desktop PC still waiting for attention, boxes in various stages of unpacking are scattered around the living room, piles of books waiting to be discarded, empty boxes waiting to be collapsed and put in the locker, dishes in the sink waiting to be washed, laundry stacked up in the bedroom waiting to be washed, curtains wanting to be hung, and my tired complacent body wants to just chill out and enjoy this space. That can't happen though, not until it is organized and I'm able to sit here without the pressing urgency of the mess. Where is my Genie?

Fingers entwined
Wrapped round and round
Forever bound
With the power of love
There is no beginning
We have no reason to pretend
Though hands may part
And times get hard
We make new reasons
For brand new starts
Always fingers entwined

written November 1994
by Lee Down

Thanks y'all for your wonderful words, visits, encouragement, and just for plain making me feel good to be a part of MindSay!

Fingers entwined
Wrapped round and round
Forever bound
With the power of love
There is no beginning
There is no end
We have no reason to pretend
Though hands may part
And times get hard
We make new reasons
For brand new starts
Always fingers entwined

Revised April 2005

Deafening space and time
A moment's eternity
Stretches to infinity



What is reality?
Where is reality?
When is reality?




When do you stop?
When do you wake?
When do you see?



Just some new thoughts inspired today on the beach.

Having used all the excuses
Blood runs like molasses
The heavy-weight gives a sigh
Looking over at the opponent
No sign of weary defeat
A discovery dawning
Life always wins over
Struggling antagonism
Give in to resistance
Victory is in the dance
Ebbing and flowing
With the rhythm of Life
Only destination to find
Present in the moment

Lee Down

Razor sharp
And icy steel
Slicing abdomens
As they are
Expelled
In a breath
Of singing fire
Power and glory
Thorny roses
Stuffed into the ears
Of the audience
Too quiet
They listen
In pain
Clenched teeth
Tightly
Teardrops rolling
Scarlet red
Thick and syrupy
“hit me,” I say, “hit me!”
and the torrential rains
of punishing vowels, consonants
intended to sever,
to separate,
a heart
with white glory
sunshine and dew
cool and crisp
those words continue
to cut away

written Dec 15, 1997

by Lee Down

Careful,

The beauty of the Rose

Entices you to grab

But a sharp prick

May cause you to bleed

Tonight,

Another thorn in your side

The wondrous beauty

Comes with warning

Of injury and pain

Like Love

It beholds such beauty

Creates an inner shine

But a careless attitude

A thorn in your side

 written November 5, 1997

by Lee Down

What is it with me
That I sit alone
Night after night

Meeting beautiful women
With brains and something
That shines in their eyes

A lucky man am I?
So much to say,    to think
About what
I know not
Til something gives
In to my foresight
Or alas too late
My hindsight

I feel I know not what
Nor wherefor
Deep down inside
Emotions too turbulent
To enjoy the ride
I see in me
So much to share
But too much to hold
So push it back
To hide
Deep down inside

But alas,
I try and try
To hold back and fight
But the strength I find
Welling up inside
Bursts forth
Disappointed with what
I see
I feel
I hear

Suffering of a city
Of a family
Now dead
Senselessness
All around
Confusion
Impatience
So much of each of us
Sacrificed
Left to die
In our own fight
To stay alive

Can anyone see?
A sense to it?
Any of it?
What it is?
Tis what?

Am I strange
Or are they
That walk in fear
Running
Looking
For somewhere to hide

Asleep I must be
For a nightmare
This seems
Not right it is
Or strange
It would not seem

Look at a neighbor
Across the street
Or seated in a car
Right next to you

They don’t look back
They only react
To the stress
Each day
As they lose their mind

Being alone
As I am
I see for sure
Everybody!
We need each other!

written September 23, 1997

by Lee Down

I see what I want to ignore
Unable to hide from it anymore
My happy face has gone away
And now don’t want to go out and play

There are people starving
With many more in pain and dying
No real homes for warmth or shelter
Our world has become helter skelter

Sitting here on a soft warm bed
I can’t get their pain out of my head
I wish there was something I could do
But I don’t know and neither do you

written September 16, 1997

by Lee Down

Playing eyes
at, for each other
a wave of pleasure
anticipation
of fun tonight
Now dance
in the park
so close together
no room to breathe
passion take flight
carry me away
with the wave
of excitement
a first time
or one hundred and first
still does the same
blood in my veins
blood from my name
dancing for you
dancing for me
life is sweet
having fun every day
someone to play

written June 23, 1997

by Lee Down

Eking out a living in this paradise
Gimme Johnny Walker, neat, no ice
A few more of those I'll be alright
Getting me through a long slow night

Twisted pain of death lines my face
Another chance tomorrow my saving grace
I'm here to fight, never say die
Always chasing truth never a lie

Eking out a living in this paradise
Gimme Johnny Walker, neat, no ice

Smile for me Baby I'm here for you
Whatever it takes you know I'll do
You know my dirty secret I can't hide
That's why I get with you deep inside

A few more of those I'll be alright
Getting me through a long slow night

Wake up everyday glad to be alive
Another day of earning one-o-five
Soul is not for sale just a man for hire
The dreams alive can't kill this fire

Eking out a living in this paradise
Gimme Johnny Walker, neat, no ice
A few more those I'll be alright
Getting me through a long slow night

by Lee Down

As the crow brings wing to a taunting call
and the float plane drones on overhead
I am seated firmly on the old cedar log
secure in the resplendent nature that surrounds me

I fantasize about life with coffee on hand
and cigarette smoldering between fingers
With one last drag and licking of lips
I exhale, as I toss it all away

The worries and troubles with taunting call
have winged away as fantasy arrives overhead
The dreams smolder within reach of my fingers
Breathing in I taste possibility upon my lips

There is no time, there is no space
It is only here, now, Oneness
Solidly present within one's presence
The choices of possibility always within reach

The noise of life and ego compete with peace
As traffic screams by the still forested trees
The tenuous grasp crushed underneath the heel
Of a world rushing towards its own decay

Weak with desire for a luxurious life
I wine away priceless moments of opportunity
Becrying my lot in life and community
Dreaming of a day in yester-year brightness

Blinding the eyes toward vision and imagination
The darkness shrouds the mind's landscape
Creating beliefs to exist towards limitation
I seize the moment to do nothing yet again

Such is the force of our natural Mother Earth
Her life breathes into our lungs and soul
Creating moments of harmony and stillness
Permitting clarity to reveal the land of possibility

With awe I am stunned into inaction
To experience yet more of nature's wisdom
Seeping into the flesh of my body
As surely as the rain soaks into the earth

Reverence over these moments charges the air
Drowning out the noise of reality driving by
And the body's peace is restored to rest
As the stress drains into the log's decayed flesh

The moment stretches into forever, until
with the last sip of coffee drained away
the future's plans scream mightily for attention
while the crow swoops in upon his cackling caw

written today, April 30th, 2005
by Lee Down, Vancouver BC

Expansiveness seen overhead, above and beyond
Opaque wispy blue tinted overspray white
Upon the breeze comes time and chance
To while away a conjured reality
Of hopes and dreams served on fine china
Suspended by fine fragile threads frayed
By the weathered storm of unkempt emotions
Battling life weary with worry and fear
To fall sleepless tiredly to a cold tile floor
Shattering the reality to build new castles
Of dreams of might and wonder tomorrow
Destroying what was, having to build anew.

©  Lee Down 2005

As the crow brings wing to a taunting call
and the float plane drones on overhead
I am seated firmly on the old cedar log
secure in the resplendent nature that surrounds me

I fantasize about life with coffee on hand
and cigarette smoldering between fingers
With one last drag and licking of lips
I exhale, as I toss it all away

The worries and troubles with taunting call
have winged away as fantasy arrives overhead
The dreams smolder within reach of my fingers
Breathing in I taste possibility upon my lips

There is no time, there is no space
It is only here, now, Oneness
Solidly present within one's presence
The choices of possibility always within reach

The noise of life and ego compete with peace
As traffic screams by the still forested trees
The tenuous grasp crushed underneath the heel
Of a world rushing towards its own decay

Weak with desire for a luxurious life
I wine away priceless moments of opportunity
Becrying my lot in life and community
Dreaming of a day in yester-year brightness

Blinding the eyes toward vision and imagination
The darkness shrouds the mind's landscape
Creating beliefs to exist towards limitation
I seize the moment to do nothing yet again

Such is the force of our natural Mother Earth
Her life breathes into our lungs and soul
Creating moments of harmony and stillness
Permitting clarity to reveal the land of possibility

With awe I am stunned into inaction
To experience yet more of nature's wisdom
Seeping into the flesh of my body
As surely as the rain soaks into the earth

Reverence over these moments charges the air
Drowning out the noise of reality driving by
And the body's peace is restored to rest
As the stress drains into the log's decayed flesh

The moment stretches into forever, until
with the last sip of coffee drained away
the future's plans scream mightily for attention
while the crow swoops in upon his cackling caw

©  Lee Down 2005

When the sadness hit the floor
You were walking out the door
Me swallowing the tear-drop
My heart screaming, "STOP!"

Hands hang heavily at my side
All is gone including my pride
Sorrow's sweet melancholy swamp
Sings its' song to each heart-pump

Each breathe of air labored in love
Sears the ribcage with heated shove
Reality slams hard into my face
Choices made led to disgrace

Shamed myself over loving you
Made a fool when I said, "I do."
Thirty days after you got a green-card
You turned to me and said, "It's too hard!"

Choking down a boulder, unable to swallow
My life is an Easter Egg and it's hollow
I stand alone as eyes forlornly see
The movie, My Life, displayed all-over me

It's a long review, many journeys gone astray
Each chapter re-experienced as I bid them good-day
Each chapter, each season, it's life you see?
Everything circular, including me

Following the spiral, higher and higher
Fear and worry? It's not so dire
Living out loud until the body is spent
It's the way of everything; it just came and went.

©  Lee Down 2005

Responding to a question, this was my reply.

What I think is that my experience of the church is that religion has distorted things far beyond their original intent. Don't forget, religion originated during times when religion was closely tied to politics and controlling the general population. Christianity itself took root when Constantine was seeking the means to his political power and he did so successfully. While the spiritual teachings hold much truth, it is in the heart's intent where the real sin will occur. All this talk about the physical is not a dictate of God, He is solely concerned with the spiritual (heart) intent of your actions. You can love yourself, both spiritually and physically. Doing the one honors the other and vice-versa. It's our judgements that make everything wrong because we are sinners - we exist with both the dark and the light. Until we come to peace with that, thankful for the gift of salvation, you'll struggle to please God spiritually in ways that mean nothing to Him. It's the intent of the heart that is the issue.

My eyes blurred with ecstacy
And libido running wildly
My tongue danced with yours
Licking sweat from your pores

It's a frenzied feeding
As temperatures rise unheeding
Dripping appetites for flesh
Tongues lap sweetness fresh

Tastebud to tastebud touch
Our spirits blend, oh, so much
Lost in the fantasy of freedom
Eyes see my soul bid me to - come

Sinking into you with each tongue-lick
And you moan to me baby, "Not so quick."
Teasing, taunting, hips now prompting
Bid to cum, "Yes, yes, yes," you will sing

eyes blood-red, rushing to my head
Bucking sucker holding you to the bed
Legs squeezed in a mighty crush
My only quest, for you to gush

Drowning the days sorrows in ecstacy
So blended spirits can soar freely
And Baby... it's all this
With the thought of a kiss.  ;) :)

©  Lee Down 2005

I don't know how many times I've intended to post photo's of updates and neglected.... must be the time of year, the move, and life. ;)

I'm now in the new apartment. This photo is a view out the window - not spectacular photo but the view in person is much better even though it would be much more stunning if I was right on the beach. Between the buildings is Vanier Park where major-league kite-flyers do amazing tricks with a variety of kites - some quite huge. You'll see this next bit if you hit Reply and see the blog-entry from the message panel, it'll display the pictures complete width: To the right is English Bay and the little blip to the right of the tree is a container ship - usually a few of them will be anchored out there waiting to unload.

Oh, yes, the header pic for my blog is a place in Stanley Park called Second Beach. Nice view there too.

This is the coolest cat I know. He's so cool he goes by Dawg.

You want to see the view from 31 floors up? Downtown Vancouver, right on Robson Street, looking West out over the downtown core and into English Bay. On a clear day, you can see the mountains over on Vancouver Island. The other shot is from my living room window in the new place catching the evening sun peaking through the clouds. I took a number of shots and they're all good; here's one favorite.

Well, now that I have my own place and can cook and eat at home, no more daily visits to my favorite breakfast stop and coffee shop.

Right out back of this coffee-shop, they have a number of small chairs & tables in the parking lot for their patrons to sit with coffee, breakfast, in early morning sun. This next photo is the owner of Back Alley WineWorks and the bike is part of his company logo and image. Here he is riding his own. The blossoming tree is on the way to the coffee-house. Our streets are populated with this beauty every spring.

Here, I'll show you more...

I've had the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment done professionally a number of years ago. I already knew I was an ENFP through that exercise. Using blogthings assessment, I didn't know it was using the same descriptions. It did a good job for a simple assessment.

Your #1 Match: ENFP

The Inspirer You love being around people, and you are deeply committed to your friends. You are also unconventional, irreverant, and unimpressed by authority and rules. Incredibly perceptive, you can usually sense if someone has hidden motives. You use lots of colorful language and expressions. You're qutie the storyteller! You would make an excellent entrepreneur, politician, or journalist.

Well, I got my couch and coffee table out of storage... take a look.

Then it didn't take long for Dawg to lay his claim. He's appraising my brother and his wife who came over to help transport and move the furniture.

I had no idea... really, I didn't. Dawg has a foot fetish.

Now, I tried my hand at art one day, using a new easel I purchased with whiteboard and flipchart for workshops. I used watercolor crayons, without adding any water, and this was the result of my scribbles.

Now I'm thinking it's time to go out and get a life.... too much sitting at a computer.

Blazing upon daybreak
I dreamed the silky sun
dazzled those found
blinding delicious laughter
Burning lonely desire

©  Lee Down 2005

I came across a poet website and they had a contest called Poetry in Motion. They offer the little word magnets - you know the one's that you can play with on your fridge? - and selecting what's available you write a little poem. This was my creation.

Death is upon us
creeping in like a fog
Silently, calmly,
underneath the radar
of spirits floating high
with life's distractions

Okay, here's the deal.

I was hanging around at home just before leaving for a party. While I was waitnig, I had this ominous feeling. My feeling's often generate thoughts that yield some nice poems when I have time to sit with it; this time, I did not.

My ride showed up and off I went to a birthday party. Having just met the woman driving, my attention was on conversation and getting acquainted versus my new creation. However, upon arriving, she knew everyone, I did not. After introducing myself, I found my seat and had a few minutes to myself allowing me to capture the lines above.

I don't feel this is complete. What about you? I'd like to hear some constructive criticism to see what more will come to life for me after reading your responses.

Thanks! :D

Try to sleep
lying in bed,
thoughts run through
my stupid head.

Keeps me awake
until I write it down,
so I am thinking
with a frown.

And then I start 
under the light,
sometimes so prolific
it gives me a fright.

Why do I do it
I cannot comprehend,
but I feel so good
in the end.

©  Lee Down 2005

This is an old poem from November 1994 - I stumbled upon it today, had a laugh and brought it to share! :)

This is me, this is who I am

I have many thoughts, questions, comments, and opinions

Just like everyone else

I say them, I ask them, I state them, I display them

It will at times gain feedback

I will learn

I will adjust

I will not adjust

It just depends

I'm still me

I'm still a man

I'm still a good man

Don't ever forget it!

:D

PS - this isn't a poem - just a realization and statements

Go read this blog entry from talkingtomyself:

http://talkingtomyself.mindsay.com/?entry=87

Then click on this: Nominate Talkingtomyself

OH Yeah!!! The first two paragraphs are just a daily update - pay particular attention from the third paragraph onward!

I see so much more mental illness. Stress. Anxiety. Depression. Drugs. Cutting. Abortion. The list goes on.

I see so much more dysfunction. Broken families. Runaways. Prostitution. Sexual abuse. Emotional abuse.

I see much less community. Neighborhoods collapse. People withdrawn. Everything locked down. Kids play inside. Nintendo. Electronics. Television.

I see many more lost faces. Compromised values. Dreams unfulfilled. Accepting 2nd best. Emotional dependance. Fear. Slavery to a system. Slavery to beliefs. Brainwashed emotionally.

I see much more antagonism. Unemployment. Theft. Financial strain. Marital abuse. Win at all costs. Increase the divide. Greed & power. Growing numbers in poverty.

I see much more dissatisfaction. Settling for security. Not achieving potential. Giving up dreams. Denied talent.

Are we the rats in the cage?

Is this era a period of time to study how far human beings can be pushed?

Can you imagine waking up to an earthquake every day for 5 months straight? Multiple quakes in a day?

Do you think we could be more productive if the pace slowed down and we found more time for our relationships? For community? For recreation?

What would it be like working for a company that cared about its' people, its' community, and the planet's resources?

What would it be like to experience fewer restrictions and more freedom in complete safety?

I came across the following this morning and I really wish you all to have a read. It's really something. This is not out of a bible from any current organized religion. Apparently, this originates from other texts that religion suppressed and selected their own versions. Whatever the truth, this is very well written and resonates in many ways. Take a read:

___________________________________________

Man, created from earthly substance alone, could not know things not of Earth, nor could Spirit alone subdue him. Had man not been created, who would have known God's wisdom and power? As the Spirit fills the body of man, so does God fill His creation.

Therefore, it was that God saw something had to be which joined Earth and Spirit and was both. In His wisdom and by the creative impulse which governs the Earth, He prepared a body for man, for the body of man is wholly of Earth.

Behold, the great day came when the Spirit, which is God, was joined with the beast, which is Earth. Then Earth writhed in in the labor of travail. Her mountains rocked back and forth and her seas heaved up and down. Earth groaned in her lands and shrieked in her winds. She cried in her rivers and wept in her storms.

So man was born, born of upheaval and strife. He came wretchedly and tumultuously, the offspring of a distraught Earth. All was in discord, snow fell in the hot wastelands, ice covered the fertile plains, the forests became the seas. Where once it was hot, now it was cold and where no rain had ever fallen, now there were floods. So man came forth, man the child of calamity, man the inheritor of creative struggle, man the battleground of extremes.

Earth nurtured man with cautious affection, weaning him in the recesses of her body. Then, when he was grown sufficiently to be lifted so he walked in the uprightness of God, she took him and raised him above all other creatures. She led him even into the presence of God and she laid him on His Great Alter.

A man imperfect, of earthly limitations, a thing unfinished, ungainly and unlearned, but proudly was he presented to Earth's Creator. Not her first-born was man, the son of Earth, the grandchild of God, man the heir of tribulation and the pupil of affliction.

God saw man, the offering of Earth to her Lord, unconcious on the High Altar, a sacrifice to Him and a dedication to the Spirit of Fate. Then, from out of the unfathomable heights and from behind the imprenetrable veil, God came down above the Altar and He breathed into man the breath of Eternal Life. Into his seeping body God implanted a fragment of Himself, the Seed of the Soul and the Spark of Divinity, a man the mortal became man the heir of God and the inheritor of immortality. Henceforth he would have dominion over God's earthly estate, but he also had to unravel the Circles of Eternity, and his destiny was to be an everlasting seeking and striving.

Man slept, but God opened the Great Eye within him and man saw a vision of unsurpassed glory. He heard the voice of God saying, "O man, in your hand is now placed the tablet of your inheritance, and My seal is upon it. Know that all you desire within your heart may be yours, but first it is necessary that you be taught its value. Behold, the Earth is filled with things of usefulness, they are prepared to your hand for a purpose, but the task is upon you to seek them out and learn their use. This is the tuition for the management of your inheritance."

"What you know to be good, seek for and it shall be found. You may plumb the seas and pluck the stars. You may live in everlasting glory and savour eternal delights. Above and below and all about there is nothing beyond your reach; all, with one exception, is yours to attain." Then God laid His hand upon man, saying, "Now you are even as I, except you sleep there enclosed in matter in the Kingdom of Illusion, while I dwell here in freedom of Reality and Truth. It is not for me to come down to you, but for you to reach out to Me."

Man then saw a vision of glory encompassing even the Spheres of Splendour. Unbounded wisdom filled his heart and he beheld beauty in perfection. The ultimates of Truth and Justice were unveiled before Him. He became one with the profound peace of eternity and knew the joys of unceasing gladness.

The eternal ages of time unrolled as a scroll before his eyes, and he saw written thereon all that was to become and to occur. The great vaults of Heaven were opened up unto him and he saw the everlasting fires and uncomsumable powers, that strove therein. He felt within himself the stirring of inexpressible love, and unlimited designs of grandeur filled his thoughts. His spirit ranged unhampered through all the spheres of existence. He was then even as God Himself, and he knew the secret of the Seven Spheres within Three Spheres.

Then God lifted His hand from man and man was alone. The great vision departed and he awoke, only a dim and elusive recollection, no more than a shadow of a dream remained. But deep within the sleeping Soul there was a spark of remembrance and it generated within man a restless longing for he knew not what. Henceforth, man was destined to wander discontented, seeking something he felt he knew but could not see, something which continually eluded him, perpetually goaded him, and forever tantalized him. Deep within himself man knew something greater than himself was always with him and part of him, spurring him on to greater deeds, greater thoughts, greater aspirations. It was something out beyond himself, scarcely realized and never found; something which told him that the radiance seen on the horizon but dimly reflected the hidden glory beyond it.

Man awoke, the revelation and vision gone, only the grim reality of Earth's untamed vastness surrounded him. But when he arose and stepped down onto the bosom of his Mother Earth he was undaunted by the great powers that beset him or by the magnitude of the task ahead. Within his heart he knew destiny lay beyond the squalor of his environment, he stepped out nobly, gladly accepting the challenge.

He was now a new man, he was different. He looked above and saw glory in the Heavens. He saw beauty about him and he knew goodness and things not of the Earth. The vision of eternal values arose before his inner eye. His Spirit was responding to its environment, man was now man, truly man.

The nature of man on Earth, was formed after the nature of things in Heaven, and man had all things contained as potential within himself, except divine life. But he was as yet an untrained, undisciplined child, still nurtured simply upon the comforting bosom of Earth.

Man grew in stature, but Earth was not indulgent, for she disciplined him firmly. She was ever strict and unyielding, chastening him often with blasts of displeasure. It was indeed the upbringing of one destined for greatness; he was made to suffer cold, that he might learn to clothe himself; sent into the barren places, that his limbs should be strengthened, and into forests, that his eye should become keen and his heart strong. He was perplexed with difficult problems and set the task of unravelling the illusions of Nature. He was beset with hardships of every description. He was tested with frustrations and tempted with allurements; never did Earth relax the vigilance of her supervision.

The child was raised sternly, for he needed fortitude, courage and cunning of a man, to fit him for the task ahead. He grew wily and wiry in the hunt; he became adaptable, able to cope with any untoward happening. Overcoming the bewilderments of early days he found explanations for the perplexities of his surroundings. Yet the struggle for knowledge, the need for adaptation and the effort to survive were never relaxed. The Earthchild was well trained and disciplined, he was never unduly mollycoddled. He cried for bread and went hungry, he shivered and was cast out, he was sick and driven into the forest. Weary he was lashed with storms, thirsty he found the waters dried up. When weak his burden was increased and in the midst of rejoicing he was struck down with sorrow. In moments of weakness he cried, "Enough!" and doubted his destiny; but always something fortified and encouraged him, the Earthling never forfeited his godlikeness.

For man was man, he was not cowed, nor his Spirit broken; a wise God knew his limitations. As it is written in the wisdom of men, 'over chastisement is as bad as no chastisement at all'. But man was rarely chastised, he was tried, tested and challenged; he was led, prodded and urged, yet nothing was done unnecessarily. The seeming perfections of Earth, the hazards and inequalities of life, the cruelty, harshness and apparent indifference to suffering and affliction are not what they seem; as it is, Earth is perfect for its purpose. It is ignorance of purpose which makes it appear imperfect.

_______________________________________

Now you might want to explore this further, so here is the link. Above is Chapter 2 of one set of texts but here is a link to the prologue; another thought-provoking and enticing read.

http://www.thekolbrin.com/kolbrin_prologue.html

Men struggle daily with the beast and wrest their living from the soil, their day being encompassed with strife and toil. So women bring forth children with suffering, and because they are frail their husbands rule over them. Man is conceived in the womb of woman and she brings him forth to life. Therefore, when God raised man up from among the beasts, choosing him as His heir and endowing him with immortal spirit, He placed a veil over the portals of life. This, that woman should not forget she is unlike all other living creatures and the trustee of a divine mission. For a woman not only gives life to a mortal being, she also bears the spark of divinity to Earth, and there can be no greater responsibility.

Wow! I love that phrase!

You'll never guess... I have a cat, his name is Dawg - many of you have seen his picture, those who haven't scroll down through the entries below or next page and you'll be sure to see him - Dawg likes people food and begs from me all the time! He loves beef, chicken, Doritos, crackers, cookies, pie crust, and many more things yet undiscovered.

Anyway, today I was running errands and on my way home dropped into a Burger King on an urge. I ordered my Whopper Combo and scarfed down the fries on my way home. Getting home, I sat down to enjoy the Whopper. I got about 1/3 way into it, each bite tasting worse, and the last bite was like tasting mold.

Now here is the kicker: Dawg always begs and today was no exception. So before tossing the burger, I took a small piece of the hamburger patty, did the usual suck-off-the-condiments so it was cat-edible, and tossed it to him. He tried valiantly to get into the taste. He licked it a few times, trying to get a taste of it. After a one more last attempt, he licked his lips repeatedly as if to get the taste out of his mouth, shook his head and walked away.

I'm going to have to let Dawg be my taste-tester in the future.

When seeking the Gold in life that brings value, we must persevere through hardships and dig through much muck to find the vein of Truth for our life.

Laws are made and laws are changed, but no man truly knows what is right and what is wrong. This can be discovered only in the inspired books compiled by the hands of illuminated men. The time is not far distant when men should no longer think in terms of being good or wicked, rich or poor, sick or healthy, but in terms of being spiritual or material.

Life is hard ya know. This I've learned.

But we're all people, humans; brothers & sisters.

So instead of complaining, today, about the way we behave poorly to each other,

I'm here to extend my Love and wishes for Peace to you.

To touch joy
with a delicious laugh
is my lingering lover's
silky soft desire

©  Lee Down 2005

written today from scramble pieces for a poetry in motion contest.

Think, dream, and ponder on the life that you long for. Listen to what calls from deep within the quiet still waters of your soul.

Do not lament what you do not have, it will come. Do not sorrow over the time it takes for dreams to come true. There is much learning through the journey of life in preparation for the dreams that will unfold. The bigger the dreams, the bigger the tests and challenges. So as the heights are tested, the depth of character increases.

I bid you to dream your dreams and think gladly on them. It is not in the longing lament of self-pity that these desires come to fruition; it is through the glad thoughts of power and love that creates the synergy and action in your Being necessary for growth and fruit in your life. As the trials and pains of life are faced, dwell upon those dreams. Envision the life you will have for yourself and be glad for the lessons preparing you for the loves, for your dreams, for bringing your light into the world.

This happens to me frequently. I'll be sitting relaxed, listening to music or not, and be in some space zone. Suddenly, I'll discover that a thought is running through my head repeatedly, in that quiet place, and following the thread there is a message. This is one of those that I just captured. You may have read another that actually got published and is here called Are We Awakening.

Yeah, anyway, I'm just grateful for the opportunity to capture these pearls and share them with others. I hope you get something out of them too.

It's important to recognize that following these deeper callings require us facing our fears. Quite often, what we long for the most will have us face our deepest fear. In order to achieve one we must overcome the other. In so doing, facing these trials life offers, we become better people and do not succumb to the ignorance we see among so many dishonest privileged, corporations, and governments.

We will reap what we sow;
sow Love of the Higher kind.

Peace ~ Love ~ Lee

PS - I took those photos. :D

Pick up the bricks one by one
stacking them forever high
never to be undone.
Keep out the fun!

©  Lee Down 2005

Wow, that was fun. Can you see it? Isolating yourself? Running from the pain of relationship?

That's the outcome! Your choice. ;)

Sitting in a park
On the mountain
I see the grandeur
God has granted us
In the mountains, ocean
Inlets and trees
Then on closer inspection
I really get to see
The beauty of the branches
The spider web
Stretched between the leaves
Dangling below, in he hunters stance
He slowly dances
With the breeze
The blade of grass
The ferns perfection
The attention to detail
For all to breathe

©  Lee Down 2005

I wrote this in my journal September 14, 1997

The massive peaks
Stared down at me
Accusingly
A man of destruction
Builder of cities
Noise and pollution
A sense of guilt
Washes over me
As I see the rubble
Ancestors laid to waste
Desacration
Annihalation
Of our mother’s purity
Now stripped bare
Scarred remains
Littering the landscape
Everchanging
As woven tentacles
Which cling to earth
Having ripped away
Her mighty strength


© Lee Down 2005

Written in my journal July 26, 1997

Memory Clouds

Past clouds touching
fallen patterns of time
see memories found.

© Lee Down 2005

This was today's entry to the Poetry in Motion contest. What happens is this: they have a playing board with a bunch of tile pieces with random words. Choosing from the available words, entrants create a poem and submit it for a chance to win a random draw for $25.00.

The color of life is
a thought on my mind
a speck of possibility
bright enough to blind.

In the past you must see
the emotional ride,
the richness undefined,
nothing felt to be denied.

Each chapter, each slice
tells another unique story,
painting a new picture,
all lived, to your glory.

The good and the bad
are instructions of life,
an experience made,
man's most heart-felt strife.

Fiery burning of strife
awakens within, spirit
forged by life's furnace
listen and you will - hear it.

It's a tiny spark calling
the heart asleep, shaken
soul, a generous life
choose to die or awaken.

Each moment that you live
a brush-stroke is made,
a choice made of color,
so do it loud, unafraid.

The moment died, eventually
now or later choose
a magnificent painting alive
or small sketch, you lose.

© Lee Down 2005

It's amazing what a tiny spark of thought will bring to light. Thank-you!

Inspire me with your comments and compliments. :D

I'm craving to write and finding a lack of inspiration I am asking you what is buzzing through your mind today.

Did you have a thought that sticks?

Come up with a turn of phrase that sounds really cool?

Have something deep and insightful to share?

Crow's Call Revealed

As the crow brings wing to a taunting call
and the float plane drones on overhead
I am seated firmly on the old cedar log
secure in the resplendent nature that surrounds me

I fantasize about life with coffee on hand
and cigarette smoldering between fingers
With one last drag and licking of lips
I exhale, as I toss it all away

The worries and troubles with taunting call
have winged away as fantasy arrives overhead
The dreams smolder within reach of my fingers
Breathing in I taste possibility upon my lips

There is no time, there is no space
It is only here, now, Oneness
Solidly present within one's presence
The choices of possibility always within reach

The noise of life and ego compete with peace
as traffic screams by the still forested trees
the tenuous grasp crushed underneath the heel
of a world rushing towards its own decay

Weak with desire for a luxurious life
I wine away priceless moments of opportunity
becrying my lot in life and community
dreaming of a day in yester-year brightness

Blinding the eyes toward vision and imagination
the darkness shrouds the mind's landscape
creating beliefs to exist towards limitation
I seize the moment to do nothing yet again

Wisdom seeps into the flesh of my body
as surely as the rain soaks into the earth
and the body's peace is restored to rest
as the stress drains into the log's decayed flesh

The moment stretches into forever, until
with the last sip of coffee drained away
the future's plans scream mightily for attention
while the crow swoops in upon his cackling caw

© Lee Down 2005

I edited this today, cutting it down to size to enter into a competition. I removed a couple of stanzas and combined a couple lines from two different stanzas. I think it actually reads / flows better coming to the end than it did before.

Standing on the corner
One hand fallen down
In wait, for the time of love

The elusive scent spent
Lovers wilted stems, petals falling
Memories long last longing

Echoes ghost silently past
Desire’s embers glow, sparks a-flying
Tomorrow’s breeze now blowing

Sun-bright dawn life’s caress
Lovers embraced arms, sunbeams holding
Human nature’s heat need rising

Standing on the corner
One hand fallen down
In wait, for the time of love

Here today, but will I be - tomorrow?

© Lee Down 2005

This poem came about after visiting http://chocolate.mindsay.com/?entry=268017 

My reply to her post reveals what came at the moment. I took that away and creation served it further with what is above. :D

I felt it wasn't finished earlier and I just added that one line as a finale - I think it's great like this. Whaddya think?

I'm really struggling for a title too... any ideas?

Standing on the corner
One hand fallen down
In wait, for the time of love

The elusive scent spent
Lovers wilted stems, petals falling
Memories long last longing

Echoes ghost silently past
Desire’s embers glow, lava flowing 
Tomorrow’s breeze now blowing

Sun-bright dawn life’s caress
Lovers embraced arms, sunbeams holding
Human nature’s heat - need rising

Standing on the corner
One hand fallen down
In wait, for the time of love

Here today, but will I be - tomorrow?

© Lee Down 2005

mmmm... yeah. I like this version better.

PS - check out a newcomer to mindsay http://elvistoilet.mindsay.com - seems a potentially friendly sort. Anyway, he came by for a visit and commented:

[ Reply | Delete ]

elvistoilet on May 15, 2005 at 10:58 PM

Re:

hey u look like that real cool dude in star trek!!

Now how's that for cool? :D I liked it!  lol

What about this? Changes underway....

Purity flame purges betrayal
indebted to all exceptions,
to re-kindle hope's fire,
joys delicious laugh.

Sun-love baked passions stone
warming glacial waters,
melting glacial ice,
harbored true seeds of creation.

you shall reap what you sow

Okay.... still need a little work here..

It's coming to me from this:

did it again - visited http://chocolate.mindsay.com again - her little phrase,

...Age ain't nothing but a number...

which prompted me to write,

cuz time ain't nothing but change
hell, it wouldn't exist if we didn't live
to measure the while away

Final Result

Hell Time

Age ain't nothing but a number
cuz time ain't nothing but change
hell, it wouldn't exist if we didn't live
to measure the while away


© Lee Down 2005

following a stream of consciousness

zero equals infinity - you see?

no, you can't fit limitless quantities into nothing

sure you can

no, you can't

okay, look. with nothing, there are no boundaries, there are no limits; just emptiness

so?

so, infinite fits into that space, that emptiness

huh?

yes. and so does our universe. that's where you'll find God too.

huh?

yes, God. He is those spaces - perfect - there is no light, there is no dark, there is no matter, no nothing, just - perfection - the source of love, of creation - it exists in the empty space of nothing - that's where we come from, what we're made of.

oooohhhhh, my brain!

by going inwards, within ourselves, to reach the quiet space, we can hear God and hear our spirit - we cannot comprehend what we cannot see and what is nothing cannot be seen - and yet, nothing is everything.

Inspired by another Mindsayer:  

Silence's Truth

I've so many things to say
and yet silence followed me

I'd dash this way and that
but he'd never be far behind me

So stopped cold in my tracks
head low, steeped in thought

I turned and stood taller
stepped forward with a holler

And said to my friend
"What do you want!?"

Silence stood quietly forlorn
kicking a stone and looking down

I walked over closer
putting one arm around

I pulled quietly with love
sucking that energy inside me

Silent solitude took place
and the quiet blessed presence

No reason to be, to share
relaxed in the sphere

I watched as the world
whizzed by silently

I could see clarity
her crystal fortelling all

Quiet mind memories true
to detail and Silence's truth


© Lee Down 2005

I love it!!! It is so cool to blogiday around Mindsay, to see what's been typewritten, in the wide-open it's been hidden, for us to see and talk about, and the turn-of-phrase or tongue-in-cheek, saves the day each and every week, but best of all for me you see, is the brilliant words that speak to me.

THE DIS-EASE

The disease is a dis-ease
can't you dis-ease the disease?

My mind all in worry
with my doubts and my fears
My face creased with lines
cheeks laced with my tears

I wanna be perfect
don't wanna stand out

It's a fight everyday
trying to be normal
Sometimes I wanna scream
"This feels too formal!"

The who that I am
somewhere deep down inside
has been so long lost
don't know where to look

I wanna be perfect
don't wanna stand out
The disease is a dis-ease
Why can't I
dis-ease the disease?

Maybe then
I could feel normal
as me.

© Lee Down 2005

comedy photographs tragedy
freedom portraits chortle panic
paint parody embraces connection
distaster falling enraged
delicious duck's
stone's throw
dripping sun

© Lee Down 2005

another poem using selected words on tiles.

version one

Your barbed insincerities
smothered foolish petals;
never hang a weeping smile.

You've turned, dried waiting,
thirsting changed desire,
while corridors crumble.

version two

Your barbed insincerities
smothered foolish petals;
never hang a weeping smile.

You've turned, dried waiting,
thirsting changed desire,
while love crumbled.

version three

Your barbed insincerities
smothered foolish petals;
never hang a weeping smile.

You've turned love
crumbled, dried, waiting,
thirsting changed desire.

playing with word-tiles again - which version do you like the best?

huge smile on my face
and a fire in my belly
my imagination is captured
and my pupils dilated
undoing resolve
one button at a time


© Lee Down 2005

Sometimes, I don't know what to do. I'm sure you know what I mean. I'm sure you have experienced the same thing at important crossroads in your life when big changes were underway. I'm sure we all have. Often, we find ourselves feeling panic and frozen in time, possibly with indecision, waiting and wondering: Which way to go?;  How will things turn out?

I'm asked frequently about this topic and oddly, I have a lot of experience with it as well. In fact, I find my life today is in this state of flux as more changes loom on the horizon. Everyone, myself included, wants answers. What should I do? How do I know? These answers are never forthcoming; we cannot see into the future. Every direction can be okay; one can be the best. The simple truth is, we just don't know with 100% accuracy. This is where awareness and faith come in to play.

Awareness is important on many levels. Knowing the landscape of your life, you can make calculated decisions that support your goals. In business, and daily life activities, we implement this process automatically without much awareness at all, it has become so habitual. This, in part, is where a problem lies. Habitual behavior may not be appropriate as new data becomes available. Auto-pilot means your flying blind. Even when flying a plane on auto-pilot, the pilot will check the instrument panels to ensure the data is consistent. Why don't we? Be aware of your data.

Your data comes from many sources and most of us are familiar with these sources. I might surprise some of you with new concepts. The common source that we're all familiar with is the mind and store-house of knowledge and experience we have gained from life. Again, those who rely solely upon this source risk repeating the same mistakes over and over again. The mystery of life dictates that our ability to identify with life experience as truth results in creating more of this truth in our lives. If this truth is a truth of painful experience, it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. Utilizing other sources, we are able to objectively assess all sources and come to new conclusions.

The next common source is our emotions and intuition; they often are synonomous. A surprising fact here is that not everyone is in touch with their emotions or permit the emotions the freedom they deserve. Emotions are very useful in interpreting and/or being aware of underlying factors that may not be evident through hard tangible data. For some this is a gut-feeling, others have a flash of insight or conclusion, and others feel twinges in certain parts of the body without being aware of any potential significance. I have scenarios for each and will refrain from elaborating further for the sake of brevity today. Be curious to explore it further though.

A less common source for most is our spiritual awareness. This is a quiet place within that has a higher level of wisdom for the greater good. This can be pertinent to you, your life, your family life, community, work, the world, and so on. The levels of knowledge accessible here are limitless. It is as though we are connected to a universal storehouse of knowledge. This place of knowing is far less judgemental and emotional but has the ability to synthesize the data from the mind and emotions, integrating and offering solutions from a much higher level of consciousness. This is something that many people find themselves seeking as they mature and look for more significance in their lives and meaning in their work.

Finally, we must talk about the role of faith. This is part of what I teach and coach in my profession. It is the co-creative relationship and process that we have as human-beings with the source of all creation. This isn't religious, it isn't specific to any religion, yet it doesn't contradict any religion. This is born from my own quest for truth integrated with my own life and spiritual experiences. It may be incomplete and is a direction to follow, not a destination for you to reach. Such is the nature of our spiritual life; it is the journey and the ever-changing, ever-increasing level of knowledge and wisdom that we gain through life experience. With an open-mind, entertain our relationship with the source of all creation.

Creation exists, as do we. We see it all around us. Scientists study deeper into the stars. More scientists study deeper into the mysterys of time and space; quantum physics. What is witnessed is creation, its' magic and its' mystery. Down at the quantum level we discover that we're mostly made up of empty space and other unusual phenomena that cannot be explained. Out in the stars, they see an expanding universe. Now, going deeper, with probing satellites and quantum sciences, new theories arise. All seem to point to an apex of creation coming from nothing... a God Force.

Mystery is lived by people accessing this God-Force, understanding their co-creative relationship to this mystery. Understanding that this force is abundant love, it supplies us with what is in our intention. What we intend for our lives becomes real. Many people who do this consistently refer to it as manifesting. As children, many of us have had at least one solid experience of this. We may have just known that we would have something in our lives, whether a gift, an experience, a trip, whatever, and then it happens. There was no fear, doubt, uncertainty, only gladness for what was to come. That is the power of intent.

As adults, so much of our lives have instructed us to ignore so much. Don't dream to big. You can't do this. Don't do that. That's only for the privileged. You need to have a degree. There is too much competition. This is the way things work. Everywhere you turn, you are told how it is and what cannot be and you become conditioned. We have spent too little time in practice with our spiritual origins that we do not understand this mystery and in our need for control, we stifle its' requirement for room to breathe and work its' own magic. We measure things by worldly standards and time clocks, not realizing that in the bigger picture, some of those so-called failures actually were important stepping-stones in a grander scheme for our lives. Is our spiritual side still influencing the outcome? Are we making the experience harder, longer, or are we co-operating and making it easier?

Okay, this is long enough for one read. If you want to know more and begin your own journey, feel free to contact me. As a coach, I spend close to 50% of the time integrating spiritual awareness into the coaching sessions. It has shown itself to be the single most important success factor regardless of the initial direction goals were set. In some cases, spiritual awareness harnessed the focus to realize a more significant goal for the individual instead of a goal that came about due to conditioning.

just cuz I like it! :p

Cat Dreams

Can the cat have people dreams?
Could that sleeping purr just be
putting dreamy moves with feline grace
on a Babe so smooth to deserve a cat call?

© Lee Down 2005

Undoing Resolve

huge smile on my face
and a fire in my belly
imagination is captured
while pupils dilated
undoing resolve
one button at a time

© Lee Down 2005

Dried 'n Crumbled

Your barbed insincerities
smothered foolish petals;
never hang a weeping smile.

You've turned love
crumbled, dried, waiting,
thirsting changed desire.

© Lee Down 2005

Blinding Insanity

You would feel more relaxed,
you wouldn't be quick to judge
if only you could - understand me.

Meet my friend, Mr. Insanity.

He crept out of the closet,
the dark recesses of my mind,
to visit with a reminder:

Be careful, or you will be - blinder.

And let out a blood-curdling laugh!

© Lee Down 2005

not even sure this last one can really be considered poetry.... just a fun, twisted, dark poem... Saturday Morning Frights!

Wow... this is a huge surprise. I saw myself in the #2 spot yesterday and was humbled and grateful. Today, I'm snooping around, since no one is talking to me ( :p lol ), and I noticed that the same blog-entry is now in the #3 spot - I had no idea we could vote older blog-entries, I had no idea blog-entries could be up 2-days running. Wow! I had no idea that article would be so popular and impact so many - I actually think I wrote it more for myself - nonetheless, I do believe in sharing. :) I'm also glad it's so helpful.

Here's a strange observation too.... these blogs that get voted top-blog... have you ever noticed sometimes how few things are said by visitors? Yesterday, I don't think I had any comments, or new comments, to speak of with all these new visitors - not a complaint, just an interesting observation. I think I've noticed that with other top-blogs too... typically fewer replies - depends on the article interaction I suppose. hmmm.. interesting. :D

Yeah well... always full of good advice and timing appears to be everything too. Am I awake and timely taking advantage of timing and what-not? Good question.

I've been a little distracted from my usual blogging activities, including my creative writing of poetry. With such a phenomenal response to the blog-entry What to do? Life's Big Question I have been busy updating my website with the new article. You can see it here Life's Big Question or all my articles here

So, I've added the article now, sent out my very first newsletter. I opted for a quarterly newsletter since it seems that is about how often the deep stuff comes spilling forth. Sorry if some of you get my article inadvertantly, I have no opt-in, opt-out, program. This is the first newsletter and I scoured my email lists for people in my network.

What else? I'm looking for coaching clients. Got any referrals for me?

Oh, I also do writing gigs and training/speaking gigs too.

Banana

Flesh due to ripen and rot
blending and melting
to become as one once again
with the creation earth
re-cycling
life

You all remember Dawg... I'm going to have to show you a picture of this later once they're uploaded.

I'm sitting on my couch with my laptop on my knees. Dawg jumps up and curls up beside me with his chin rested on one thigh and falls asleep. I took a photo. You'll see. :D

Now this was pretty interesting. I don't know how accurate they are, but they are interesting. :)

It takes a moment for the graphic to load... please stay tuned!

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

"The truth is that there is nothing within us that can hurt us; it is only fear of experiencing our own feelings that can keep us trapped."

-Shakti Gawain

If you haven't done so, do it:

blogexplosion.com  

This blogexplosion site offers a great idea for driving more visitors to your blog. Check it out.

I created a new blog for my poetry

http://leedman.blogspot.com

In case you want to see and visit. ;)

And you know what, I'm using this BlogExplosion feature. It works great. Click BlogExplosion here and sign-up if you want more traffic to your blog.

While you have one browser window open via BlogExplosion site, Surf other blogs via their interface. You accumulate credits for each blog you surf. These credits go towards your blog, driving traffic to you. If you want to self-promote, what a great way to do it. Then, while I do whatever else I need to do in another browser window, I can surf blog-explosion sites and do my blogging and email and whatever. Check it out.

Give a man fish, feed him for the day..... Teach him to use the internet, he won't bother you for weeks.

I saw this while surfing and it's just plain funny!

There comes a time when, finally breaking free from a past reality, that you must step fully into your new future. We change; I change and you change. As time goes by, we're constantly absorbing new information and growing. When we were children (or are children and youth) we consumed enormous quantities of information as we grew up. Early adult-hood sees this trend continue as we enthusiastically engage in the bigger world and enjoy the freedom that we now have as young adults. Somewhere along the way, the unlucky ones are confronted with a reality that stops all apparent growth; feeling stuck.

This is an eye-opening moment; not right away, typically it may be some time before the truth of this gift is visible. To realize that this is an opportunity for introspection; to realize that it is a time to look within, you can engage in the journey much more quickly and enthusiastically. Having this ability will accelerate the learning that is required on a deeper, personal level. These moments are life-changing and when you are able to embrace the challenge, the end-results for your life are typically much more enjoyable than your current reality.

For those who don't understand why this happens, I can only say this: Challenging moments in life that cause us to look deeper within ourselves will challenge our perceptions and beliefs about our current reality. Doing so, we become aware of any limiting beliefs that are sabotaging our lives. This can occur for any area in life; career, relationship, values, spiritual awareness, emotional growth, and so on.

As I began writing this, I was inspired by the fact that a decision is to be made. I am a professional coach. Okay? My focus has been a wee bit open since I have background in Career Consulting. I enjoyed it to a degree and my issue is that most clients are looking for someone to point them in the right direction, to write their resume, or any number of things that will get them a job. I can't do that. It's just not possible. Only the client can do those things. The coach is a facilitator and, as I like to say, an ass-kicker; but don't worry, I wear big fluffy slippers and only do it cosmically so the energy propels you forward without the physical pain. ;)

Nonetheless, I've been gaining clients initially due to my history as a career consultant. Those clients have dropped off somewhat and now I'm working more with spiritual awareness. I seem to have a sensitivity to it that is unexplainable and is also available to everyone. It's how to connect with this awareness and to have that perceptual shift that awakens your life to a whole new reality that screams, "FREEDOM!" at the top of it's lungs. Your perspective is light, your attitude is grateful, you feel joy and, relationships sing harmoniously.

I believe I'm very good at introducing people to this possible reality that then, when experienced, becomes more and more real in their daily life. Over time, this awareness and shift in your personal awareness, you see yourself for who and what you truly are. This experience is filled with trepidation and excitement. In addition, this experience, repeated with practice, replaces your current mundane daily life (assuming it's that bad) so that you can experience an engaged life with the energy and enthusiasm you may have last experienced as an unself-conscious toddler running naked through the sprinkler, giggling and squealing all the while.

This is why I'm posting this blog entry. There does come a time when a man (woman, child, or dawg) must take that final step forward to fully fill the shoes of his future-self. I believe I'm looking at that squarely in the face right now. Do I dicker around with career counselling and other niche coaching focus' or, do I admit that I am a spiritual teacher/coach? I'm feeling the prod, I'm seeing the writing on the wall and it looks good.

There is so much more that can be said about this and I will write more, trying to keep each entry focused on a point. As well, I will typically only do this as the important issues surface as I put pen to paper. The inspired writing has a more natural flow that I enjoy.

It looks like less blogging and more sun.

I was going to go have a beer but then I noticed something.... you know that daily announcement newsreel thing that we see when we go to our inbox? There is this headline:

May 27th - Having-One-Beer Plan Goes Awry

Naturally I had to go read it.... now I'm not so sure about that beer.

PS - Anyone missing any of my poetry?

very strange... I started this blog entry and then my screen went blip... and it was published - 3 times! I deleted 2 of them and now editing this one... what a pain... and my concentration is already shot...

So I wanted to say hi to my online friends 'n folks and say that I've dropped-by but the brain is on slush-mode leaving frozen thoughts in time following me into the future of forgetfulness... :)

Sorry, I still cant' stop playing with words. ;)

In the summer of 1996 all of Ottawa was watching the news, hoping and waiting for something good. A 2-year old boy was missing and the family was frantic. This tragedy was unheard of before in Ottawa; or at least rare, I'd never heard it during my history in that city.


The News

Pain, sorrow, sadness
Felt by all
As a child is laid to rest

Beaten and abused
By one with no right
Sad, scared, confused
A child runs with fright

I cannot read the news
The hurt, anger, and pain
Wells up in my gut
As violence is felt crawling
Beneath my skin.

by Lee Down

The boy was found in a dumpster, wrapped up in a garbage bag, dead. Everyone was in shock and the emotions and physical responses were strange. Children have much impact on our souls when their lives are taken tragically from us.

A Crime

A teardrop runs down a cheek
Confused and hurt the child cries
Cries for help, cries for forgiveness
Falling into empty space and stony silence
One to hear but none will listen
The savage attack ending in the final breath.

by Lee Down

Then the truth comes to the surface. He had been sodomized. The bigger shock was that it was the boy's own uncle that was guilty of the crime. Two years old, held between a grown man's thighs while he pounds and rips away; I could imagine the unheard screams that don't understand what is happening. The uncle, high or drunk beyond any coherent thought, didn't even hear the boy's screams.

A few weeks later, I became consumed by the despair the mother must feel. Her child's life ripped from her own bosom only two years after birth. What pain must she be experiencing?


My Baby

Awake, alone and full of pain
A mother tries to sleep
Comforting herself
With a steady rocking
Sleep finally comes
But restless she remains
Tossing as nightmares haunt
Suddenly awakened
By the sound of crying
She stumbles and runs
Down a dark corridor
Opening the bedroom door
She is greeted
By a hollow silence
Again she is reminded
Of the horror
Of her baby's death
Falling to her knees
Hands holding her face
Sobbing and shaking
She cries out in agony
"My Baby!"

by Lee Down


And that was it, life moved on, all of us a little bit raw from the experience. The mother? Who knows? This last poem was less about writing a poem and more about trying to understand and experience the twisted reality the mother must now be experiencing in the trauma of the aftermath.

And we all need comfort.

Peace, Love, Happiness

"It's a messed up world."

You'll find yourself saying this often in your lifetime. The question we have to remember to keep in mind is:

Will I allow myself to become messed up by the world?

Many people become victims to their circumstances. When something doesn't work out to their liking or the same bad-luck is experienced repeatedly, then many people will pass a judgement: It's the world, it and/or people won't cooperate. You can use whatever excuse/reason you can think in this situation. The passing the buck is essentially the same from one to the other.

In reality, we are always in full control. I would not have believed this myself at certain times in my life but it is true. Our response is completely within our control. Are you going to let something else dictate to you how you'll respond? Will you let your emotions run you into the ground because of an emotional reaction to a tragedy in your life? Will you believe all those negative thoughts running through your head just because so many people say stupid and hurtful things? Let's just acknowledge that this crap is out there and then, let's get in touch with the power you have within you.

For God-fearing people, you know and understand that God gave you free-will. Other belief systems also understand their right to free will as well. Free will is a gift of conscious thought, discernment of details and data within us and externally, and the ability to make a choice. Choose well.

Too often, we sacrifice for others because we're taught that is more important to give than to receive. Partly true but it ignores an important fact. You are responsible for your well-being. If you are not receiving at all, recharging your spiritual and emotional batteries, how will you ever be able to give or to care for others? It would be nigh on impossible.

What tags would best classify this entire blog entry? (above and below combined)

Fart... no, that's no typo. I just farted this blog-entry out because I had nothing exciting to say so I thought I'd blather on for a bit about my usual airy-fairy crap. But it's not crap... it's just not that well-written. ;)

Now onto a different topic! Mindsay earns from their bloggers.

Why does Mindsay get to earn money from Google Adsense and we don't? I should be able to plug-in a google advertisement box on my blog and earn a little revenue from surfers. How about it Mindsay?

Not sure what I mean? Check these other two blogs out where I'm able to do advertising through Googles Adsense program.

One Man Can Blog - see the google ad in the right colum

Poetry & Stuff Blog - in this one I put the google ad across the top, in the right column, and in the footer of the page. It's not like everyone is going to see them.

I'm not getting rich doing this, so far my earnings are about $10.00 US from using the onemancan blogspot. I just created the poetry blog lately so that'll be interesting to see how this additional blog affects my earnings.

Right now, I desperately need more earnings... Anyone? Coaching needed?

What do I do? Ask, I'll elaborate.

I coach people who want more from life, more from career, some guidance with their career, more emotional stability, to be more their authentic self, and so on.

In the business community, I coach supervisors and leaders so they'll be stronger leaders and so they'll be more effective, spilling the positive effects of the coaching relationship down the ranks so they're more successful too. In addition, I do leadership training and development workshops, spiritual awareness workshops, career related workshops, and other team-oriented workshops.

Send me some work. I'll be grateful and good karma will return to you. :)

Having a good day? I hope so! :D

Do I swear off women? Meaning don't chase anymore?

You've seen me write about this before; trying to understand the "issues" and "baggage" between men & women - at least around my neck of the woods. I had an interesting conversation this morning about it too. A woman who organizes parties for women told me about some parties she's organizing for men; one is for gay men, the other is for the straight crowd.

During the conversation, I asked why the women were so excited about attending the gay men's party. Here was her reply:

"straight men are a drag and don't know how to have fun as they are toooooo busy worrying about who they are TRYING to impress, gay guys are just wanting to have a blast and like to laugh and plus they comment on gals outfits, make up, hair etc. and are NON Threatening!!"

Well, this still doesn't answer all of my question. The comment "Non-Threatening" is one I've heard often and is an incomplete explanation. Here at Mindsay I directed some of you to a real nasty online discussion on a Vancouver Forum where both men & women (or boys & girls) were at each others throats over this very issue. Saying the word non-threatening is a little vague. Men don't consider themselves threatening to women so naturally they would like to understand what this means.

So, apparently Gay Men are not threatening to women. Well, when will men learn? When will men stop being men? Guess what? Never! Even among Gay Men they behave as badly as women are judging straight men. What do I mean? Of course the women won't see this behavior, the gay man isn't interested in her, he's interested in guys. I live in a gay neighborhood and these gay men are actually, in some cases, more poorly behaved than most straight guys. I think straight guys are getting a bum rap! A gay man will come on and come on hard. As well, some of these gay men, when they come on to you - they will touch, they will try to fondle, they will kiss, they will persist; time and time again. Not all of them are like this and not all straight guys are threatening jerks - see the parallel?

So I had to ask a friend for some further explanation. Here's what she said... and she's American - not a native to Vancouver. So is it just a Vancouver problem? I don't think so.

"So, if you want my personal take on the issue.... I have a few gay men that are some of my absolute best friends. I love them to death. Women want to connect with men but sexual tension - or even the possibility of it - is extremely annoying and often times just keeps us away. Women go through their whole lives under real and perceived threat.... being constantly chased by men, evaluated, etc. (hence her use of the term non-threatening). When all we want is a good intellectual discussion, it's a pain in the ass to have to deal with a straight man who's trying to "figure us all out" - which we interpret as trying to "figure out an effective strategy to gain a sexual relationship."  Nine times out of ten, I just avoid straight men because I don't want to deal with the inconvenience."

Is it a problem with men? Maybe with some but overall, I don't think so. Is it a problem with women? I'm feeling there is a problem here with women not taking responsibility for their own communication, themselves, and their lives. I have been socializing here in the gay community for the past year now and I've had gay friends for years as well. They've come on to me. They've tried to figure me out... how to convince me to try it out, that I was at least bi-sexual... all kinds of convincing. I had one friend who convinced me he would give me a massage and he'd be on his best behavior - no inappropriateness. I was going through a very difficult and stressful period so I took him up on his generous offer trusting his words. He pushed the boundaries! A typical man.

"The hunger for love is much more difficult to remove than the hunger for bread."
-Mother Teresa

"Love cures people—both the ones who give it and the ones who receive it."
-Dr. Karl A. Menninger

"Trouble is part of your life—if you don't share it, you don't give the person who loves you a chance to love you enough."
-Dinah Shore

"Photography records the gamut of feelings written on the human face, the beauty of the earth and skies that man has inherited and the wealth and confusion man has created."
-Edward Steichen

"A human being is a part of the whole called by us "universe," a part limited in time and space. He experiences himself, his thoughts and feeling as something separated from the rest, a kind of optical delusion of his consciousness. This delusion is a kind of prison for us, restricting us to our personal desires and to affection for a few persons nearest to us. Our task must be to free ourselves from this prison by widening our circle of compassion to enhance all living creatures and the whole of nature in its beauty."
-Albert Einstein (one my of all-time favorite heroes)

"We do not wish to be better than we are, but more fully what we are."
V.S. Pritchett

"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
-Mark Twain (another one of my all-time favorite heroes)

"The fact that man knows right from wrong proves his intellectual superiority to other creatures; but the fact that he can do wrong proves his moral inferiority to any creature that cannot."
-Mark Twain

"If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
-Mark Twain

"I decline to accept the end of man. It is easy enough to say that man is immortal because he will endure: that when the last ding-dong of doom has clanged and faded from the last worthless rock hanging tideless in the last red and dying evening, that even then there will still be one more sound: that of his puny inexhaustible voice, still talking. I refuse to accept this. I believe that man will not merely endure: he will prevail. He is immortal, not because he alone among creatures has an inexhaustible voice, but because he has a soul, a spirit capable of compassion and sacrifice and endurance. The poet's, the writer's, duty is to write about these things. It is his privilege to help man endure by lifting his heart, by reminding him of the courage and honor and hope and pride and compassion and pity and sacrifice which have been the glory of his past. The poet's voice need not merely be the record of man, it can be one of the props, the pillars to help him endure and prevail."
-William Falkner
- Speech at the Nobel Prize Banquet after recieving the Nobel Prize for Literature (10 December 1950)

"These then are my last words to you: be not afraid of life. Believe that life is worth living, and your belief will help create the fact."
-William James

"I believe that the rendering of useful service is the common duty of mankind, and that only in the purifying fire of sacrifice is the dross of selfishness consumed and the greatness of the human soul set free."
-John D. Rockefeller, Jr.

"To accomplish great things, you must not only act but also dream, not only dream but also believe."
-Anatole France

"In the province of the mind, what one believes to be true either is true or becomes true."
-John Lilly

In summary,

• the acknowledgement that we are spiritual beings,
• the power of love and the effort to master love and pain to be endured in loving,
• our journey through life to truly discover who we came here to be,
• the nature and truth about the value and importance of human-kinds inter-dependence,
• our unique power as creative-beings to have more creative power and ability for our future than we truly realize....

Now you may have noticed a couple of quotes, mainly from Mark Twain, demonstrating a darker side to man. That is important in the list as well; without the awareness and acknowledgement of our darker side, we are never truly free from it's prison. It is in embracing your darkness that you can erase the shadows by exposing them to the light. Love yourself, accept yourself, forgive yourself, and subsequently empower yourself.

- Lee Down

fize: definition... file size

I just created this new word for the English language!

I did a little rant a day or two ago about the bashing I've been hearing between men and women. For all the complaints, less is done to build bridges and more is done to burn bridges.

In that rant, I commented on a woman's ability to find sex and be in control of finding sex. Here's a link that supports my statement.

Putting the "ex" in Sex

Where are you?
Are you playing hide and seek
with your heart?

© Lee Down 2005

I also thought to ask, "Have you ever turned inward and said a really deep Hello to yourself; to your body?"

This physical body keeps us alive, gives us pleasure, causes emotions, enjoys friendships, and so much more. Say Hello to yourself, love yourself, be grateful for you.

Hi Mindsay Friends.

I just spent the past 3-4 hours making a whole bunch of updates to my website. It's looking a little busy to me... I'm highly critical. I'd like some help reviewing it.

Can you catch typos?

Would you keep the google ads or remove them?

If you'd remove only some, which pages should they be eliminated from?

Any suggestions?

You guys are the best! Thanks for your help...

Leave a reply here so others know if anyone's reviewing it for me... and maybe say which pages your reviewed... then the work can be shared??? :) :) :D :D :) :)

My One Man Can Site

Okay, I made changes with the great feedback so far... now I got a wee little formatting bug screwing up a couple pages layout... but overall, it looks good.

Take another look please! Please! :) :D :)

http://www.onemancan.ca

If you've been there once, you might have to hit Refresh if your browser caches some pages.

No more, Daydreamer!

I'm sorry reality
that can't just be me
I'm optimistic to a fault
I don't know how to halt

I want to reach the sky
to experience the high
of living a loud life
not all that silly strife

You can have it if you want
it's yours for a haunt
I'm off to dreamland
where it isn't so bland

The way I look at things
to me goodness it brings
for a dreamers eye is high
with an attitude to try

Try hard - Yes I do
each day is brand new
with a smile on my face
I make it a happy place

I will see others smile
you see; I'm versatile
with a can-do attitude
and heart of gratitude

Giving love to others
they're all my brothers
I see me in all of you
if you saw, you would too

It grows in my heart
a neverending part
with me giving it
you might stop to sit

In peace.

Asked about my writing process, I responded with the following:

http://onemancan.blogspot.com

http://leedman.blogspot.com

These items I’ve written are typically inspired… just sitting, thinking deeply, feeling deeply, trying to understand, and following the feeling into the paper taking shape by words… it’s quite mystical at times. I’m often astonished at what I’ve written after I’ve written. When you are doing this kind of writing, it comes from such a deep place that you are almost ignorant of the thoughts as they’re translated to paper.

http://www.onemancan.ca/articles.html

Now on the above link, we’re dealing with a variety but I added it to draw your attention to articles that have been published in a local paper. In those cases, I was given an assignment. I’m not a journalistic type of writer necessarily in these cases. I do make inquiries, ask questions, try to understand people’s stories and write from a place of inspiration and feeling. I find that if I cannot achieve that emotional connection, the writing really falls flat.

The rituals of writing? I can’t really say. In the cases of the published articles, I wrote those directly on my computer, much like you might approach any homework assignment on a subject you enjoy. Often times I also find myself delaying writing about a specific assignment to let my subconscious stew in the topical thoughts, allowing that creative process time to show me something significant. It works for me and I usually end up writing something that people quite enjoy.

As for my creative writing, the inspirational and poetry, etc. I find myself carried up in a moment of inspired thought. The coolest is when I “notice” a particular thought or phrase strumming repeatedly in my head. Where it comes from I don’t know but that inspiration has yielded some beautiful results. I can be anywhere, in noise somedays, in silent solitude another time, or music blasting some of my favorite tunes… although usually I do prefer the quiet to listen for that quiet source inside. There is a mystical embodiment of some kind happening… much like seeing time slow as you focus fully into the present moment of existence.

I don’t always write everyday, although I do try to. Sometimes, little word games help offer up some creative writing on those days when my own life distractions drive me away from concentrating with pen and paper. And yes, I meant to say, with poetry I find myself scribbling with pen and paper and a more polished version is then typed up and that process actually finds the process polishing and editing the poem nicely for a final version or final draft.

With the inspirational writing, I’ve often written via my journalling with pen & paper. Since I began blogging, I have found inspiration occur online just as often as when I’m using pen & paper. Oddly, very little editing has been required of some of the more significant pieces such as Are We Awakening? and What To Do? Life's Big Question.

And this I believe: We are creative-beings capable of many great things. So don’t put yourself in a box and go ahead and endure the journey to discover the deepest emotions you have; to find greater levels of expression and to enhance your level of understanding of life’s experiences. Combining this with a lot of reading, you will find much inspiration and fodder to feed your creative writing spirit. Taking this journey will expose you to new opportunities of expression and you will have given yourself the freedom to allow that creativity to flow in a variety of ways, at a variety of times, on a whim, in complete pain and sorrow, or in complete ecstacy and joy.

Another quick example was when I was writing a story about a life event; a particularly painful life event. I happened to go out for dinner by myself and I was sitting there writing the story in the restaurant. The emotions welled up intensely and I regretted taking up the challenge in such a public place. I could have used a good cry during that writing. And this relates to a question about writing a novel - for example - do it in order or not?

I had a mentor speak with me on that very thing and he suggested the best course of action is to just write a chapter, story, memory, whatever, whenever inspiration strikes and the emotions are there. Don’t worry about the order, just write each memory. You can worry about the story structure and cleaning it up and giving it order later. When that raw emotion or memory hits, that’s the vein of gold that will feed the best writing.

Good luck.

Lee

Hershey's Kiss

Her
Just a Kiss
of chocolate
She's

Hershey's Kiss, are you familiar with the chocolate ? Your name and your lips inspired this tonight.

Forty-Two today
Oh, is it your birthday?
No, dumspter divers.
Huh?
Dumpster divers,
forty-two today.
Forty-two.
Coincidence?

Well....

What a day...

Well, actually....

It was a helluva 'n afternoon...

~ and evening

Big, stunning eyes that soaked me up

Drinking me in until I could see no more

It was light and easy, warm and breezy

Following seams of thought towards new ideas

Inquiring minds asking questions, seeking...

Truth, authenticity, knowledge, connection

The visit comes home for a quick sit

Except...

A time to relax, kick back, and chill

Quickening connection, similarities revealed

Picking guitar, silver spills from her lips

With power and authority the words reveal

A melody of life snapped in time

And then hunger...

Said good-bye...

Empty home

Till next time!

Well, I spent the day organizing poetry into Microsoft Word. I don't know how many but at last count I was at 114 poems and about 35 or 40 pages. Now I'm at 76 pages and quite a number of those pages have more than one poem on them. Some pages have only one, a lot have two to three, and a few have more than that.

Now I have to figure out what to do with it next... re-organize, segment, topics, publish... ??? We'll get there!...

We... me and the company in my head.

Wow! I've been working, working, working - tunes playing in the background - and have the MS Word version pretty much done at the moment. Then I created a fancy Title Page... ;) ... and realized I have all of these beautiful photographs - some of you have seen a few samplings - and I thought, "Wow!, I'll put together a full-color eBook that I can make available via the internet."

The book is titled, "A Decade's Colors of Life" featuring the photography and poetry of Lee Down.

Wooohooo - starting to sound rather official.

Now how much should I charge for such a fine piece of priceless work? Suggestions my well-meaning friends.

I'm still looking at print publishing but I might have to reorganize the whole thing -- do some themed books of smaller size.

Stolen from limitbreak1998 

Your IQ Is 115

Your Logical Intelligence is Average Your Verbal Intelligence is Genius Your Mathematical Intelligence is Genius Your General Knowledge is Above Average