Do I swear off women? Meaning don't chase anymore?

You've seen me write about this before; trying to understand the "issues" and "baggage" between men & women - at least around my neck of the woods. I had an interesting conversation this morning about it too. A woman who organizes parties for women told me about some parties she's organizing for men; one is for gay men, the other is for the straight crowd.

During the conversation, I asked why the women were so excited about attending the gay men's party. Here was her reply:

"straight men are a drag and don't know how to have fun as they are toooooo busy worrying about who they are TRYING to impress, gay guys are just wanting to have a blast and like to laugh and plus they comment on gals outfits, make up, hair etc. and are NON Threatening!!"

Well, this still doesn't answer all of my question. The comment "Non-Threatening" is one I've heard often and is an incomplete explanation. Here at Mindsay I directed some of you to a real nasty online discussion on a Vancouver Forum where both men & women (or boys & girls) were at each others throats over this very issue. Saying the word non-threatening is a little vague. Men don't consider themselves threatening to women so naturally they would like to understand what this means.

So, apparently Gay Men are not threatening to women. Well, when will men learn? When will men stop being men? Guess what? Never! Even among Gay Men they behave as badly as women are judging straight men. What do I mean? Of course the women won't see this behavior, the gay man isn't interested in her, he's interested in guys. I live in a gay neighborhood and these gay men are actually, in some cases, more poorly behaved than most straight guys. I think straight guys are getting a bum rap! A gay man will come on and come on hard. As well, some of these gay men, when they come on to you - they will touch, they will try to fondle, they will kiss, they will persist; time and time again. Not all of them are like this and not all straight guys are threatening jerks - see the parallel?

So I had to ask a friend for some further explanation. Here's what she said... and she's American - not a native to Vancouver. So is it just a Vancouver problem? I don't think so.

"So, if you want my personal take on the issue.... I have a few gay men that are some of my absolute best friends. I love them to death. Women want to connect with men but sexual tension - or even the possibility of it - is extremely annoying and often times just keeps us away. Women go through their whole lives under real and perceived threat.... being constantly chased by men, evaluated, etc. (hence her use of the term non-threatening). When all we want is a good intellectual discussion, it's a pain in the ass to have to deal with a straight man who's trying to "figure us all out" - which we interpret as trying to "figure out an effective strategy to gain a sexual relationship."  Nine times out of ten, I just avoid straight men because I don't want to deal with the inconvenience."

Is it a problem with men? Maybe with some but overall, I don't think so. Is it a problem with women? I'm feeling there is a problem here with women not taking responsibility for their own communication, themselves, and their lives. I have been socializing here in the gay community for the past year now and I've had gay friends for years as well. They've come on to me. They've tried to figure me out... how to convince me to try it out, that I was at least bi-sexual... all kinds of convincing. I had one friend who convinced me he would give me a massage and he'd be on his best behavior - no inappropriateness. I was going through a very difficult and stressful period so I took him up on his generous offer trusting his words. He pushed the boundaries! A typical man.