For two years now I've been busting my hump trying to launch my own business. It started out one way and evolved into a professional career and life coaching business. Some of you have already visited my business website at One Man Can - thank-you for your visits.

But shit!! I'm in pain! I've given so much of myself to others over the years and people are always very glad to receive my advice or to have me listen to them, ask questions, and show them the beauty that I see in them. I do it, I do it well, I do it naturally, I do it with love, and I do it without even thinking. This is a gift but sometimes it feels like a curse. Mainly because these are desperate times financially.

Getting started was a bitch too. I married a beautiful woman in Oct 2001 only to have her turn turtle in the marriage within 3 months. She came from another country, was sure she could handle it, knew what she was doing... but it slowly and steadily went downhill. No matter how supportive or encouraging I was, she withdrew from me, withdrew from society, withdrew from the world. Finally, with my stress through the roof, my boss kicked my ass out the door to use up vacation time, sick time, then on disability for a few months; told me to get counselling. I did.

So then I'm in a therapists office. Oh yeah! Aren't they full of great advice!? I get my wife in for a session and my wife gets challenged, "Shit or get off the pot!" the therepast (is this typo a freudian slip) says, "What will it take for you to get involved in this marriage with your husband?" My wife says she must leave. My jaw drops. My heart flattens. My gut twists into a gnarl. My world drops from under my feet. "What the fuck is happening!"

So for days, I'm sleeping on the living room floor, agonizing over her "request" to leave; she actually asked for my blessing! What the hell am I going to do? What else can I do? Damned if I say no, and in a world of hurt if I say yes. I say yes anyway and over those few days on the living room floor, I truly let her go. She was free. She went back to Korea. And all this time, I'd been supporting us, she had no income, nothing, no contribution, and I'm now without a job, saddled with a wee bit of debt. Why? PS - there is no why - it just is - you know, like I've said before - life's like that.

Well, after she said she'd leave, I continued with the therapist. The therapist encouraged and supported me in returning to work; agreed it would be best for me. I went for a meeting with my boss and was handed my walking papers. Get out! You're not wanted here anymore! Wham! Another blow to the balls. What did I ever do wrong? I'm told that I was not "selling" their business effectively. What a load of crap, every single person in that company acknowledged my sales ability and that I was the best marketer/networker in the office and added more energy than they'd typically been used to... I didn't make it up - those kudos were fed to me!

I go back to the therapist. "I thought that might happen," she says. What!? Why did you tell me to go back? If you suspected this might happen, why didn't you warn me and give me some options - an alternative? That was the day! The day that I got laid off, I went home, angry, ready for change, ready for self-determination. No victimhood, no office politics, no bullshit, no more! I want to see a change in society. I want to see people being valued and respected. As Ghandi said, we must become the change we want to see. And my company was born.

One Man Can - why the name... well holy crap. Why not? It was pretty daunting with everything that had happened to start my own business. A business that honors people, challenges management, teaches leadership, coaches and provides encouragement and support for unemployed people (how will they pay my bills?) so that they can achieve and realize their dreams. People cannot achieve any kind of enlightment when their in survival mode all the time. People can't relax and even find work when they're in survival mode. Desperate times make people act and feel desperate. Then they are judged and excluded from opportuntities because they're "needy", "desperate", or "fucked up".

One man can make a difference. I had to believe it. This mountain was just too big to climb without something to support me. This name did just that. This was May 2003 and I got my business cards printed. I started networking. I got some calls, I got plenty of referrals. No income. People broke, wanting work, needing help, and I gave and did what I could. I was paid by one person during that first year and by a woman who had enough self-respect to do so and yet, she was just as unable to pay as everyone else. At the same time, I'm working with a new partner on a software idea. Exciting times, I had the vision, he had the tech skills. I'd done the research and planning, he was going to develop the software. 

July that same year, my wife decides she wants to come back. I thought it was over. I wanted some kind of reassurance that things would be different. How will they be different? What will be different? I asked numerous times and got little response. Finally, the night before she was to get on the plane I made a comment about her not bothering if she couldn't say something positive about what would be different. She said something, I don't remember anymore what that was, but I agreed to pick her up at the airport the next day.

Now she's back, my expenses are higher again, and she's not much different within our relationship, only with herself. She's out looking for work and moving forward... with her life. I'm piling up debts slowly while I support us, build my business, etc. It's minimal and manageable still. Within months, the tensions around the house are unbearable. My "partner" walked off with the software idea when we couldn't agree to terms with the partnership. My wife is sucking the life out of me and no matter how hard I try to convey what my needs are and what would make a difference, she continues to focus solely upon herself. She had found a job, wasn't contributing financially, worked part-time, and still didn't have the energy to do virtually any household work. I'd already been doing the majority of it since we married even when I was working full-time myself. What kind of bullshit is this?

Finally, I'd had enough. My needs were not being met beyond 10-15%. I've supported her, sponsored her, loved her, been patient with her, allowed her back when she left, and those 6 months of her return sucked so much life and energy out of me, I had nothing left to put into my business - my confidence was shot. My heart is heavy, my legs are weak, my back is bent. Even so, I am not a quitter!

It took her 4 months to finally move out - so she could pad her account while I, in turn, went a little further in debt paying for all of our living needs. I finally had to give her that last push because I was in another state of urgency, entering an entrepreneurial training program in order to salvage and move my business forward. This was less than a year ago. She moves out the day before I started. I don't know how I managed to keep my wits about me. My highs were mediocre mostly, my lows were low.

Going through the entrepreneur training, I was plagued with setbacks, one after another. I got a coach. She steered me towards coaching: I am gifted. The business advisors steered me away from my vision. The polarity tore me in two. It wasn't until October that I had the opportunity to start coaches training. It was right! It fit who I am and what I do and validated how well I do it. In return, it offered additional structure and tools that would increase my coaching abilities.

I started to step away from the old business plan path towards coaching. Still in turmoil, still trying to figure out where to go and how to earn. There are many coaches out there earning a living; some charge $600-$1200 per month!!! I only charge $250 per month. And I rock!! But how to find clients, that's the tricky question. I've worked the newsgroups, I've been to the networking events, and I recently heard of blogs and how they elevate website traffic and business profile on the net... it's worked.... to a degree.

And I do give advice. I do make people think. I do share my life's lessons. The wisdom I've earned. Life is not easy. Life can be fun. Others can avoid costly mistakes. I do understand how so much feels. This snapshot is only 2 1/2 - 3 years in duration. I didn't even tell you about the time I left a really cushy 10 year career to move across the country and move in with a father I hadn't even talked to in 13 years. There was a reason we didn't talk for that period of time! I moved in and turned 17 all over again! Within 2 years, the stresses I'd experienced with him, the church, a new city closed to newcomers, put me in the hospital with a life-changing illness....

You see? People get uptight around me. They want me to relax. They want me to have fun. NEWS FLASH!!! I do to! But this is why I do what I do. If people are not able to fulfill their dreams, to find their niche, to enjoy their work, to find work, to belong in community, they will not have the opportunity to enjoy anything!!! I wondered why Vancouver had so many street people... I think I've begun to uncover the answer.

I am good at helping other people navigate their way out of this stuff. I've done it numerous times. Depressed, pounding the pavement, at their wits end, a woman meets me and I offer a conversation. Next day, 2 hour coffee break, she walks away validated, with a healthy and strong perspective, understanding her situation and catapults her career and life into the future. Recently, she referred someone else to me - see The Truth About Emotional Intelligence to learn about that referral - I spend one evening with him. I haven't seen him since. He opened his own business, took control, and is moving forward. Did either of these people pay me for my help? No. Should I have said No? I'm not God but I do have the heart of God. If I can help, I will. My pain, my trials, my suffering, have all added to my incredible ability to transform others lives. I've learned - I've learned a lot.

But don't take away my right to ask for the business!!! I need your support. I need your referrals and your endorsement. Don't take away what I love to do.

and this story, is only one small glimpse at a very surface level. as we all know, there is much much more that goes on in one's life during such turbulent times. emotions, spiritually, relationships with people or lack thereof, and on, and on, and on.